Hi - I am not sure where I should post this question, but here goes! My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We had what I thought was a perfect marriage for 15 of those years. For the past two years my husband has been on this rollercoaster. One minute he loves me and the kids and can't stand to be away from us and the next minute he doesn't want to be at home...he wants to be alone! We went through a brief separation back in Sept-Dec. He came home in Dec and has been here ever since. Now all of a sudden he is feeling like he wants to be alone again. I just don't understand at all!!! We have fun together, we have 3 great kids, we never fight. Why does someone all of a sudden decide he doesn't want any of that??? Can anyone shed any light on how feelings can come and go so quickly? And what do I do every time this happens? Sit around and wait? Shower him with affection? Distance myself? I am so confused!!! Any advice?? Thanks!

Hi confusedinNY,
I am a junior member also so I'm not sure I have a whole lot of great insite, but I know how lost I felt when I first turned to MB and then felt strong enough to enter the Forum. I really appreaciated the responses from anyone...just to know that there was someone out there to talk to.<p>You will find that here...keep posting...<p>As far as "Why does somebody decide all of a sudden he dosen't want all of that?"... I'm not sure it is all of a sudden, we just didn't know it or realize the problems before that dramatic of an action is taken.<p>As far as what to do...? Do you have any clues on the nature of his behavior?

Hello, I am the boring back to basics guy. I discovered this site after reading one of Dr Harleys books. And ever since I read posts like yours of pain and panic that comes of not knowing there is a problem and not understanding, it let alone know how to fix it. So READ THE BOOKS! "Love Busters" teaches us about our bad habbits that destroy romantic love and how to eliminate them from our relationships. "His Needs Her Needs" teach us how to meet each others needs and to build up romantic love. I recomend you order the books (online here or amazon) and until they come in read "the basics" until they come in. There is lots of other good materiel here but get the books, read them (I recomend LB first), both of you.
You may need counceling, but I have learned that change comes from within, councelors only guide us. There are times that we are in so much pain that we become irrational, guard against this, if you cannot then see the councelor for sure HNHN has info on how to select a councelor. With or without counceling, having read the books you will have wonderfull resources to work with.
Also while you are waiting for the books download the printer friendly versions of "Love Busters Survey" or is it questionaire? Any way and the printfriendly version of "emotional needs survey" and both of you fill them out. These will give you an open door to discovering and dealing with your problems.
Marriage is one place where ignorance is not bliss.
May God be with you both.

<p>[ May 07, 2002: Message edited by: Lulu ]</p>

It is probably a mid life crisis like Lulu suggested. I went through this myself, and it is a dangerous time because I found myself in EA on the internet. It may be different for all men, but I think I wasn't sure that my life was where I wanted it to be at the time.<p>I have since found the errors of my ways, and broke the contacts I had. My wifes trust in me was broken even though I never thought she should feel threatened by it. She is now the WS and I can't help but think my actions have helped lead her to her current situation. I wished I would have known about MB before. In fact, I wished I know this information before we were married! You should definitely get the books that have been recommended. I'm reading Love Busters, and learning alot.