Here’s a quick synopsis. My wife wants a divorce since April this year. I do not want a divorce. She refuses to go to any more counseling or discuss it further with me. I’ve read many books and understand all the methodologies and philosophies. I know I can’t change her, but I can change myself and continue to work toward that goal. What I struggle with is how to proceed next.

She has filed for divorce in our wonder no fault state. I have told her that I love her so that I would do anything for her except give her a divorce. I still continue to remain loving and compassionate toward her. I am trying to meet all her desires to show my caring. She desires to move out of state (12 hour drive away), taking our 2 small children, to be/live with her family then eventually get an apartment for herself. I have been trying to gain employment in the area of her family for almost a year now. The area is rural and my occupation is very difficult to find there.

I believe it would be best for our small children to have them near me. If they move away, I may not see them for several weeks at a time and there's the uncertainty of how much longer it will take to gain decent employment. We all currently live in the same house, though my wife and I live in separate rooms.

So what should I do? I want to meet her desires to be with her family, but I don’t want her to move out, and I don’t want our children to be without me. I know I can’t satisfy everything here so what is my best plan of action if the intent is to win back my wife?

Your best plan of action is to go see a lawyer. You're right, you can't change her and if you just continue to let her be queen, she is gonna take your children from you.

Don't let that happen. Stand up now and let her see that life is not going to be how she wants it.

Start looking out for you and your rights as a father 1 hour to see your children is too far.Forget about 12. Some states may not let her move out of the state without your consent.

I know it's not easy to just stand up and say or do things that she won't like. I've been kissing my STBXW's a$$ for 10 months and letting her walk all over me.

But if your W is like mine, she has no problem doing or saying things that you don't like
" I want a D" is a good example.

Let her get pissed at you. How much worse can it get.

WIWH

I have to agree. If you haven't called a lawyer today, CALL ONE!

You need to set up custody immediately so she can't take off with the children. If you wait, she can. She can take the kids and go whereever she likes without a custody dispute in the works. It is going to piss her off like no tomarrow, but it sounds like that's what she's asking for.

I know you love her and you don't want to hurt her, but you have to think about you and your relationship with your children.

As for not wanting to grant her a D, I'm sorry to say you have no choice in the matter. Once she files, the court will force you into it. Your best bet is to have a lawyer ready so when that day does come, then you will be ready to fight.

Don't think because you won't agree to it, that it will take longer. It won't. As soon as she files it will start the probationary period and you will be served letting you know she is divorcing you. You have no choice my friend.

If you don't want her leaving the state with the kids, you need to get some paperwork into the courts like yesterday!

That's not saying that further down the road, if you find a decent job there, that you can't both move to that state, and go through the courts to agree that both of you are going to relocate.

But until then, be prepared for the worst, because it will come.

Good luck!

Thanks. That's what I've been leaning toward. I've been as nice as can be and gotten nothing in return from her. She hasn't compromised at all. I know I can't stop the divorce, but I don't have to make it easy for her either. I'm not trying to be and don't want to be vindictive, but she needs to realize that there are consequences for her action as well. No fault laws suck!