My ex who was living with a girl that he met while in a church rehab group is now going to do jail time for his 3rd DUI. Their relationship turned violent and included drugs and alcohol (all of this within 2 mos of living together). She is still around, they are even talking about marriage. Crazy I know. Anyways, I talked to an attorney yesterday about modifying our visitation order and he said I should do it now rather than waiting until he gets out. This way I have a much stricted order in place when he gets out. I told the ex last night what I planned on doing and he was actually o.k. with it. I want to change it to no overnights. We'll do just day visits. He agreed on that aspect of it and said that he would have to prove himself after he gets out. We already have and will keep it stipulated no drinking while in care of the children or up to 12 hrs prior and no driving with children (his license is suspended from previous DUI). But does anyone have in their custody/visitation orders anything about 3rd parties? Such as girlfriends/boyfriends. I will be talking to a couple other attorneys and will ask if it there anything that can be stipulated that if there are 3rd parties, that he must be there with the children. The reason I bring this up is because this GF or if she becomes the new wife is worse off than the ex. She's an alcoholic, uses drugs, hurts herself and is violent. She had kicked holes in their apartments walls. Let me remind you, all this in 2 mos they lived together. Anyone have similar issues with an ex and do you have a court order that address a situation like this? Luckly, nothing happened while the kids were there. Thank God. He would make excuses why he couldn't have the kids, but then the next day would tell me what was really going on. That is how I know what was going on with them.

Well, I'm no lawyer and I don't even play one on TV, but may I suggest the idea of supervised visitation?

Supervised vistitation does not mean that he has to go to some group home somewhere and only see his kids in that setting with a social worker looking over his shoulder--it just means that some objective 3rd party is there where they meet and visit to watch over the kids and protect them.

For example, you and your exH work together to pick someone you both know of and trust and agree to, and that person would just be with the kids when they go to visit their dad. It could be an uncle, gramma, friend or neighbor whom you know and trust, and when you drop off the kids at yoru ex's--that person would be there for the day. Their main "duty" would be to let the kids visit their dad and to make sure the kids aren't put in a situation that involves drugs, drinking, etc.

The person who supervises has to be someone that you and your exH agree to--and the court has to approve them that they are okay. If there is no one like an aunt or friend who can do this, there are people who are visitation supervisors for a living--but I suspect you'd have to pay them.

Also, I'm not sure but would an order of protection against OW on the kids' behalf be possible? Has she harmed them or put them in danger before? Has she been violent or high or drunk in front of them? Like I said, I'm not a lawyer, but as their custodial parent, couldn't you file for an order of protection on their behalf? Then the OW would not be able to be within XX feet of the children under any circumstance!

Just a thought! Good luck!!


CJ