This is not the entire story, I just need to find a Christian friend to talk to me and me to them.

There are many things I haven't told about mine and AH's relationship. We have had problems from just a few months into our marriage. I was raised in a Christian home by my divorced single mom along with my sister. We were adopted when I was 6.5 and sister was 5.5 while my adoptive parents were still married. We were both horribly abused by our biological father. I had to go to treatment for a year and half as a teenager. My husband and I dated for 4 months when I got pregnant with our first child. We got married about 2 months later. I lived with him at his parents for 6 months. His family cursed, screamed, yelled etc... My AH first physically abused me when he cursed at me for asking how his day went, and who these girls were that kept calling him and denying that he was married adn expecting a child, and he was in a bad mood. I tried talking to him about his behaviour, that I felt it was wrong and it hurt my feelings. He cursed more and I picked up a shoe and tossed it at his feet just catching the side of his jeans. He picked it up, cursed at me and threw it at me with all his might. He left a bruise on my thigh bigger than my hand and broke capillaries etc.. He said it was my fault I made him mad. This is an ongoing story. With EA's on his part and many other sources said he has had PA's. When I confronted him on his behaviour he always responded hatefully. I had one PA after about 3 yrs of marriage then confessed to him and begged for God's forgiveness and his. My AH was always to busy playing his computer games, reading and being there but ignoring us most of the time. 2 yrs ago I made a friend who was a bad person and we both had PA'a with her and her husband 2x. I ended it, but OW and AH still continued for about a month. He was going to leave me for her and her kids. I said fine. Let's get a divorce. AH told me to go have my fun, sew my oats, and bring him back a girl. He rarely spoke up and told me to stop the A's (one night stands)about 7 of them. When he did he said do what you want I don't care. I did stop. I have not done it scince. I have been very faithful scince then and I still am. I don't want anyone else. AH is angry because I put our old ds in treatment. AH said that I am abusing him by throwing him away to some stupid doctors who don't a whole from their a---****. He refuses to stop seeing OW he left us for and denies that he left us for her. He doesn't have a car,job or place to live. So he lives with her, drives her truck, and is looking for a job. I am still very angry and hurt. He said in the beginning of this he had hoped we could work it out and not divorce. I won't allow him to see our 3 kids as long as OW is there. So he keeps expecting me to pine over him and hang on. I can't do it anymore. When he asked me if I talked to the attorney about filing joint bankruptsy, I told him no, I talked to attorney about divorce, child support etc.. He was ticked. AH had his mother call and ask about bankruptsy and divorce. I told him to quit using his mother and OW as his backbone, quit being a coward and do it himself. So he did. We argued and fought several times over the phone yesterday, I called him everything but a white person and he was a coward, self centered and a loser. He kept telling me I was acting immature, physchotic, a b****, etc.., a like a twelve yr. old.

I told him I have every right to be very angry and he is doing us wrong. The past is the past. And I don't want to talk to him until he gets into town so we can talk to an attorney about our divorce. I am still trying very hard to get a job that will be better for the childrens schedule, and when school starts. I am leaving them in the same school and do not want to move them around. He accused me of filling the kids, and our family and friends heads with lies, like him beating me up everynight (I didn't ever say that), that daddy is livign with another woman(our 8 yr old dd and 10 yr old ds asked me if he was)I didn't lie to them but didn't give them any details. I told them that daddy is very unhappy, miserable, angry, and doing many bad things and making wrong choices for us as a family. I keep remeinding them that we still need to pray for daddy and ask God to guide him and all of us to be the best people and christians we can be. None of the kids want to talk about daddy and what is going on. It just makes them very sad. Last night both of our youngest two children told me they are too angry at daddy to pray for him. I prayed with them and thanked God for the wonderful day, to guide us, and for us to appreciate our days and loved ones, VBS our family, Garrett in treatment, that God will help him help himself. And that Daddy will , find God, be happy,and be able to figure out what is best for him and us.


I am not going to talk to my AH unless we are infront of an attorney.

Oh and my AH refuses to pay alimony if I ask for it. I don't need it. And he doesn't make enough to pay it. He will only pay Child support. He is offering 1/4 of his paychecks to the kids.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGG He is such a jerk

Blah, Blah, There is so much I have done that I am ashamed of and have ask the Lord's forgiveness for. AH is the only one who has been ugly, or neglectful. I have to. I just hope he can reach out to God and ask for his help instead of the OW's help.

Lord please help me hold my tongue, and not wish for evil and bad things upon AH, OW or his parents, brother etc.....

In God's Love,

luvmy3kidz:

I've hit this thread 3 times trying to find an answer for you. Decided that I'll just start and see where my fingers lead me.

Sounds like both you and your H lost your marriage awhile back. You seem to have found your way back, but your H is still lost. Not sure from your post that your all guns on getting it back, or just want to move on and save your kids some pain.

HarryS,

I am not sure what I want either. My AH has called 3x this morning. I didn't answer even thought I was here. I don't want to fight anymore. 3 days ago he said he refuses to leave OW.

I really don't want a divorce, I am afraid to trust him to pay child support without legal involvement. He says he will. Should I trust him?

If she weren't in the picture things would be different. I don't want to cause our children anymore pain. They are very upset over daddy leaving, but I assure them I will not leave them.

I need to call and see about the job I applied for. Persisitance and prayers hopefully will pay off.

In God's Love,

Marie

Marie,

I am so sorry for letting this thread slip. How are you doing?

Have you read up on Plan B?

Marie,

The situation you described was scary. I’m worried about the abuse your husband has levied against you.

I suspect that he might have been influential in your own affairs. (Do they really count as affairs if your spouse encourages you to have them? That sounds much more like swinging.)

It’s clear from what you write that your husband feels an incredible need to be in control.

I know you don’t want to be divorced and that you’re worried about child support. I can understand why. However, there are worse things than being divorced. God wants you to protect your children physically, emotionally and spiritually. And he wants you to protect yourself in the same ways.

I suspect that your husband may be one of those “toxic” people. Most people who have been around here for a while know that I rarely use the word “abuse” or “toxic.”

Have you talked with women’s support group or shelter? When you got treatment as a teen, did you have one doctor? Is he or she still around so that you could talk?

Holding you in the Light. (a Quaker thing)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> Holding you in the Light. (a Quaker thing) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I don't know what Oatmeal has to do with this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

but listen to Greengables.... makes a lot of sense (as long as you ignore the breakfast cereal references)