First... a little "background"... I am 32 years old and my husband is 47. Yes, that's a 15 year age difference. We have a 7 year old daughter together (my only one) and he has 3 children from his previous marriage ages 22, 20 and 16. We have been married for 9 years... together for 10.<p>He doesn't have sex with me like he used to (less than half of what it used to be) and he is very controlling lately. I feel like I am "not allowed" to do anything! He questions me about everything from "where have I been" to when he walked in on me getting dressed, "why did I instintively cover up"? He holds me back from doing so much that I want to do! He just asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. I said that I wanted to go and get my nose pierced. Nothing gaudy... just a teeny daimond (the smaller the better). Considering that I have 8 holes in my ears - which were there before I met him, what is the problem?? Isn't it MY body?? But... I am not
ALLOWED! This is stupid. I feel like he is my father and it is driving me crazy. I want to be "kinkey" and try "new things"... but I haven't had sex in ages and I am ANGRY at not having control of my own body! I do not need another father at 32 years old!! I am SO ANGRY!

With such a gap in age, there can be problems with identity roles. You did not marry a father, but he might think that since he is so much older and "wiser" than you that he needs to "protect" you. He doesn't need to think he has control over your body, but you also need to respect his wishes. I might complain if my husband wanted to wear a thong to the beach, but I'm not trying to control him. But then again, since you have a history of piercings, he knew what kinds of tastes you had before you got married, and he cannot try to change you later on. He needs to accept you before you two can compromise.
Look back on why you married each other. If I were someone who knows nothing about you two (which I am) I would guess that maybe you wanted the security he, being older than you, provided, and that he looked for the excitement that you brought to him. If I am right (which I so could not be), I would say that you need to rekindle those old feelings - he needs to remember that he fell in love with an exciting woman and you need to remember that you fell in love with a protector. Unfortunately, these qualities come with drawbacks (just like everyone has) that start to get annoying in the long run. Maybe the security you may have wanted turned into control, and maybe the excitement just got, well, hard to control. But remember that was what you liked about eachother int he first place.
OR - I could be so wrong, and he could have been a totally cool guy when you met, and has gone father-figure on you over the years.
In either case, first TOGETHER figure out why you fell in love. Then try and rekindle that. See, just as much as you don't want him to control you, he doesn't want you to, what he may say, act like a kid. Then comes compromise.
Please post as often as you want. Best wishes.

Hello Everyone! And thank you for your post "crl759"!! Just as an update, I am the proud new owner of a 1.5mm diamond stud in my nose!!! My husband HATES it... but I think it is sexy and cute!!! As a "comprimise", I got the smallest thing I could get!!

well, Regina, I can only guess that you post here because you want feedback. all I can say is that I would say you did a very selfish thing. If I was your H, you just pulled a major LoveBuster.<p>Perhaps you don't care. Perhaps you want out. Perhaps you no longer love your husband. The issue isn't him. It's you. If my wife hates The Simpsons, and she does, and I love it, and I do, I don't turn it on and run it at full blast in the house whenever she is around. Unless I am trying to irritate her and push her away from me and try to empty my account at her love bank.<p>It sounds like you have some major issues, and I would suggest some counseling before one of you two is here on this board complaining about the affair they just discovered involving their spouse.<p>Is this what you want? Cuz in my opinion, you just fired the opening salvo. Now I know that some of this is in response to your H's "controlling behavior". The things you described sound like he is paranoid that if you aren't already having an affair, that you are demonstrating the kind of behavior that precedes it...or sends the message to interested men that you are receptive to it. Are you?<p>Think about what you are doing. Put yourself in his shoes...<p>I know you wish he would put himself in your shoes...you are raising a child...perhaps you feel you have giving your youth to a man who is thinking like a "old f**t". What kind of signals are you sending him? At 47, my age, if I had a 32 year old wife I would be terrified by you behavior. I would be thinking, now she has tired of me and is looking for someone her age to be with...to love...to make love to. How do you think that makes him feel? Is that kind of thinking less likely or more likely after what you have just done against his wishes.<p>We aren't dealing with him...you are the one on the board here. What do you want?<p>In the words of some very wise people here...it comes down to this on whether you have the "right" to have the nose stud...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married? <hr></blockquote><p>...think about it [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Regina might not have pulled a LB - she said "as a compromise" she got the smallest one - which implies that she might have reached a middle ground with her husband, and that even though he hates it they were able to reach a compromise.
Regina, did your H know you got the nose stud or was it something you did without him knowing? If he didn't know, then Willy is right. But if he did know, I'm happy for you two being able to reach a compromise. Let us know how you both are doing.

Yes... It WAS a COMPROMISE!!! We talked about it and understood that his perception of what I wanted was incorrect. He was thinking of a huge ball like teenagers have in their tounge or a big ring like teenagers wear in their eyebrow. This was not what I was after in the slightest!! This is a 1.5mm diamond that looks more like a spec! He also thought that it was a "permanent" thing... which is also incorrect in that cartilage piercings will close up within hours if the jewelry is removed during the first YEAR and even after years will totally close up within days. Beyond that... I am NOT tring to be "sexy" or "alluring" to other men... this was and IS for ME!!