Here is the tight spot my GF and future wife finds herself in. Her sister left her abusive husband back in November.She is afraid of him for good reason. Her lawyer told her that she has the right because of his aggressive nature to hide. But because she has no income right now she lives with her boys with the GF. Now the GF agreed to move with her cause she wanted out of the marital home so she can also get control over the problems she has been having with her ex.Because the GF works and does not have time to look she told her sister to do all the work.The sister found a place and both her and GF signed the lease(this way when we get married and GF moves out the sister can keep the place)She asked GF not to tell anyone where they are not even me(GF told me anyways and sis does not know this)
Now here is where the truth of somethings came to light to the GF. The mother and the sister likes the ex and whats to keep him in the family.They have been trying to get the GF and the ex back together(religious reason also{trying to save the GF soul})and the GF has resisted their effords. Well they have only been in the new place less than a week went the GF came home from work and found that the mother and the sister moved the ex into the town house.Boy was there ever fireworks that night. Mom was sent home and told don't come back(sister will sneak her back in) and the sister was ripped surverly by the GF but now she is stuck with him there cause the sister has say also because of the she signed the lease also.The ex gave notice where he was and now has no place to go and no job(always was a lazy [censored]) This has not only has the GF really upset but can you imagine what it is doing to me and the relationship.
GF makes him sleep in the unfinished basement and has given him X number of days to find a job and get out or she will find a legal way of forcing him out. As she says I hate his guts but I'm no B***ch. As of the sister GF told her she has to get her act together and move out when she is done in court.Now the sister's husband makes very good money and when everything in court is said and done she will have enough money to start over with,get job training and get a good job. so the GF is a little more leneant with her cause of how long it takes for things in divorce court can take.
She assures me that she is not getting back to get with her ex and is not going back to that hell again. She also said that she wants me and the life we can have together.she also said that if he tries to climb in bed with her she'll cut his family jewels out.I want you she says cause you are the most loving,big hearted and decent man I have ever met and I love you.
Well gang what do you think? I know I can't do anything but is she doing this thing right or does she need to get more aggressive and barbeque some more butts in this things. Personally I think the sister and mother has gone too far this time and I beleive if we get married in the end I may have to sit the two down and lay the law down to them.Some mother's day for her right now. Oh yeah and happy Mother's day to all you moms out there. I hope some of you are getting breakfest in bed today<p>231 [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ May 12, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]<p>[ May 12, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

What a mess. What a family.
The ex must leave today. She is not a flop house for ex boyfriends. This has trouble written all over it. The longer he stays the worse everything will be. Ask her how she would feel if your ex girlfriend was living with you because she did not have anyplace else to go and she did not have a job? This is unacceptable. The fact that you girlfriend is allowing herself to be used like this does not bode well for your future together.

Bryanp;
You are right about one thing they don't care what she whats only their own self interests. Yes he should get out today and nothing would please me more than to put my foot down not on her but them, and toss his [censored] out. But say I have little and the way canadian laws are written neither does she.They really had to do a lot of planning to pull this off on her. I knew something was up between the three of them but I think he has them fooled thinking he all for getting back with her and in reality he needs a place to go and used them to get it. Don't worry unlike her sister and mother the GF is a real tiger, the problem is that they are the only real family she has know all her life and they mean alot to her but not to the point of sacrificing us. End the end when the divorce is settled she'll really put the boots to him and her sis and mom. But I will tell her that even if they say that they'll disown her if she marrys me that if she sticks to her guns they'll be back with hats in hand.Mother and sister where cut from the same cloth but GF has a different father and you can tell by only looks but personally. Where one is meek and mild , Gf ahs no trouble biting off heads,chewing them up and spitting them out again. She picks and chooses her time and place to fight back. I wouldn't be surprised if she has something in store later on this year.<p>231

You sound pretty upbeat and I am sure it is going to be fine but again what a family. Is their a possiblity that you both could move away a great distance from them after you are married?
The family sounds like real trash and will always attempt to use the both of you. I wish you good luck.

Bryanp;
Well to tell you the truth about her mother is that she is a born again christain and believe it or not I like the lady. She is one of the nice people you want to meet. She just so literale about her religion(was not always like this until she met her husband) that she drives the GF and me nuts.Trash far from it,mean well, yes,but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.She thinks by getting her and the ex back together she is saving GF soul. Now the sister was beaten to a pulp by her ex and the mother worked hard to get her daughter out of there and I appauled her for that but mental abuse doesn't count. You can always work that out. BS I say.<p>231<p>[ May 13, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

I've been thinking over the last few days on a response to this problem. Now I help her with some money to try to keep the wolfs from her door and to make sure she feed those kids of her's. Now I'm seriously of think of telling her tomorrow night that until she does something about him and her family and gets with the program that all help I been giving her will be put on hold. Now I'm trying a version of plan B to put the ball in her court. I beleive her and that she is been totally up front to me on this situation but her actions will be speaking louder then her words. Until she does the above things I can not give her money anymore cause it would not be right nor will I feel right about it.
I'm going to hate what I'm about to do but I feel that it is nessary in order to get her to see the light and get control back in her life so we can move on. As for now I will play the wait and see game and if she ops to get out of this relationship and later realizes that it was a mistake then she has no one to blame but herself. If I dump her then she will make me the escape goat, well you gather what I'm trying to do here<p>231

I think what you are doing makes a great deal of sense. I am a great believer that talk is cheap and action speaks louder than words. She knows the entire situation and you do not. The ball is now indeed in her court and let's see how she reacts for it will tell you a great deal. I wish you luck.

Bryanp;
We went out last night but she was in a foul mood cause her and her sister got into it about me. This gave her a headache on top of her time of the month. So I didn't say anything cause I want a honest response, not one from someone already angry(and in pain). I want her to do some soul searching with a clear mind. She'll call during the week and I'll arrange with her to meet me for 20-30 minutes and see what happens. I'll keep you posted.<p>231<p>[ May 18, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Bryanp look here

I wish you all the luck. It certainly seems that you are giving a great deal of time. I think most men would feel great frustration if they were in your shoes. I know that I would not be able to take the situation for a prolong period of time and I don't think you should either.