How do we protect our kids from the chaos created by a A induced D? My W is in a full-blown A and has filed for a D. She wants to be with OM (who claims he will move 1000 miles for her) She's lying about me, and so deep in the fog that noone counts but OM. I'm angry, but focused, trying my best to Plan A. But next week, My W will begin to feel pressure as my L and I will reject all terms in mediation and force this to trial and take as long as we can on it (my L is a friend of ours who's pro-marriage and is helping me pro-bono). I don't want this man influencing my children for 1 second. But I don't want them used as pawns in our little love triangle, either.

My W will no doubt explode, probally spreading more fog-lies and accusations. We're living together now and things on the surface are cool. That will end on Tuesday, for sure.

How do I protect our children while we do this dance? I've been told by many here that WS's can get pretty mean when you threaten their fantasy. I heard it WILL get worse before it gets better. I can live with that, but our boys (2 & 5) MUST NOT. What can I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 17, 2004, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

anyone, anyone?

There are many great books on the topic, so get to a bookstore immediately. Your children are already absorbing the stress, whether you realize it or not. They are perceptive.

Some great books are: Mom's House/Dad;s House. Dinosaur's Divorce, and KoKo.

I also suggest the Rainbows classes. www.rainbows.org
These are peer grief counseling for children of death or divorce. I started my children when we were only separated and it made a world of difference. Timing was everything.
good luck.

My opinion: Have your L focus on child custody to the exclusion of property and money. Whatever she asks for, be prepared to give her, with exception of child custody.

If you have to scale down your lifestyle, do it. If you own your home, be prepared to let your stbx have it or let her have the proceeds for the sale. Furniture, jewelry, whatever, she can take it, but you retain custody of the kids.

Also, work on your health and well-being and that of the kids. You need your strength and energy to be their dad. Find a rental apartment in a good neighborhood near a good public school and a park where you can take them to play in the sandbox. You can sleep on a daybed (neatly made up every morning) and the kids can have a bedroom to themselves (with a trundle bed.)

And every night, you sit and read them the same old story ad infinitum. And talk them into calmness and sleep.

Bell:

My W is a Dr. who makes twice what I make. Give her everything?

Everyone comes from different perspectives.
My X wanted CS & Alimony from me and fought for more time with the kids. But without a base of parenting, he actually got less.

Read the resources. Be realistic. Know what your bottom line is. Be a cooperative co-parent - this is the most important thing you can do for your kids.

Many couples can write up a divorce and custody agreement themselves. Do all you can to make it amicable, without feeling like you've been walked over. Take the high road for the kids.

If you are in emotional trauma, seek counseling. If your children show signs of depression or trauma, get them counseling. Address issues sooner than later.

Good Luck.