I'm new here but could really use some feedback.
I was given the His Needs, Her Needs book last week & am half way through it.
I met with a lady at my church last Sunday that prayed with me and gave me the book.
Needles to say, my week has been VERY difficult and my H still isn't wanting to reconcile. We are married (6 years), have an 8 month baby! and he just feels that we will never be able to make things work.
We have always had a very difficult marriage. We are both very head strong and don't compromise easily. My husband is a very angry and depressed man with alot of selfishness to him. It makes me really sad. However, I want to do what is best for my baby and myself. I am not sure that this environment is healthly for either of us anymore. He loves our daughter very much but what happens when she gets older and can talk back or notice daddy's behaviors?
I on the other hand am tired of being criticised, not listened to, told how I am feeling, treated all around poorly or with a lack of respect.
My H&I have never had an issue of infidelity, we have always trusted each other in that area. We lack trust now in the area of communication. WE don't talk and when we do, we say we are going to change things and never do, so we aren't being truthful anymore.
However, after reading the book, I wonder where his needs are being met now. I don't think the book was intending to scare me that way, but it has. Now I am questioning his commitment and devotion to me.
So, he wants to go see mediators this week to discuss divorce. Should I? He isn't willing to do counseling anymore, says it doesn't work. I have done counseling on my own and he won't. I disagree with that decision, I think it would help.
So any feedback? How do I continue? I am really praying about it but what about the mediators this week?
Thanks!

Hmm. Well you can't force him to go to counseling.

Have you asked him to consider the possibility of separation with a written contract for a specified length of time? This is what my hsuband and myself are doing (read my post above or below, however the threads post). Can't tell you if it's working yet because it's pretty new but it's a great condept at any rate. Our separation agreement is longer than is usually recommended, but we're in the odd situation of currently being in different countries.

The advantage for you is that during the agreement, no one files for a divorce (though you can consult with lawyers to make sure you're not messing things up for yourself financially, custody-wise, etc). It's recommended that you do this with a therapist (the agreement) but it can be done with just the two of you. That's what we're doing because of our geographic separation. The advantage for him is that there is no therapy (maybe not really an advantage, but he might see it that way) REQUIRED and there are strict guidelines. Such as..do you date others? Do you date each other? How often do you talk or see each other? Under what circumstances can these rules be broken? If you'd like a little bit more information about this, let me know and I can let you know what the book I have says.