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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 11 |
Hi, not sure if this goes here. I discovered my H is having an EA not even a week ago. I have been on a roller coaster since then, and have been trying to start the long road to getting help. I have him talking, and thinking, but so far he has not talked to his EA (has not had time), and cannot say that he will stop contact with her. He thinks that it is an equal road to stay with me, or go on with a possible relationship with her. I want to know if anyone knows how to snoop on his email. We have windows XP and I have tried to figure how to get in without his knowledge. I feel like I need to know what they have really been talking about. I told him about the telephone couseling, and he said he would read the books I have coming, and do some counseling, so i guess that's a start. Thanks for any advice.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 117
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Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 117 |
I cant sleep too! I know you have an need to know what youre up against. I feel the same way about my situation. Wish I was telepathic. All I can suggest is work on you as I have been told to do. Make yourself more attractive to him by being upbeat and happy. Wish I had more advice but I my situation is complex and I do not know where to turn. You can read about my perdicament on Divorce/Divorcing. take care of yourself.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 197
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Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 197 |
OK, first do you really want to know? Second, think about how you'll react if your worst fears are proven true. You can get a phone tap at Radio Shack for $25 and the recorder to go with it for $60 and you can monitor his calls. IOPUS.com has spy programs you can download but you have to be really careful to cover your "tracks" or your H will find the program. Chances are if he IS having an A he's got another e-mail you know nothing about.<p> If you think you're going through hell NOW using this info will only make it worse if your fears are confirmed. I suggest going into Plan A just as hard as you can and win him back that way. In hindsight that's what I would have/ should have done.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 51
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Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 51 |
cantsleep, I know exactly what you are going through. You can get 'spy' software. I used bigbrother (only $35)but there are others. It is available from www.software4parents.com You can even download it the same day you order. I suggest using a credit card he does not have access to because the bill will reflect the purchase. Once loaded, it monitors all incoming and outgoing emails, webpages viewed, even actual keystrokes. Just make sure you click on the correct version of aol or whatever email you use. Only thing I would have to say is that sometimes knowing only brings more pain - it's hard to say whether I benifitted from finding out. Good luck.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 11 |
Well, a few more days a still in a holding pattern. I thank you for your responses. You are right, do I really want to know what they have been talking about? Part yes, part no as I am not sure I could handle it right now. I don't know if I even have the full truth, or a much toned down version. That is why I want to see for myself. I think I had better do a phone counseling session first, as I now find I don't know what to do or say. I am trying to go into Plan A, was initially very confused and really want to keep prodding about the OW. Don't know her name, I know what city she lives in, age, and that fact she is divorced and quite available. I know that the focus needs to be on me and us and not her, but I just can't get there yet. Too hurt and sick to my stomach.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 4 |
I know exactly what you are going through as well. I asked my ex to be if we could make it work after I found out about the affair. She said yes and would stop talking to him, but she continued to talk to him and lie to me. I bought spy software and found everything they were saying to each other. Believe me it really hurt to see what she was writing to him, but I am so glad that I did what I did because I would have continued to think that she was trying when actually she was not. The software cost me $75 and I think it was the best money I spent in my life. I am still recovering, especially because of my 4 year old daughter, but I know what kind of person the ex to be is and I don't have to guess. I hope this helps.
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