It's been awhile since I posted, but really would like to get some input. been sep. almost 2 yrs. divorced 6 mos. X already remarried. My biggest concern in our 13 yr. old. He seems to be doing good. Dad moved 6 hrs away but comes just about every other weekend. X in determined not to get along with me. I have begged him to please get along for sons sake. He hates me more than he cares what is best for son. That is sad. I probably need to go to some counseling but haven't. I feel sooo guilty sometimes because I chose to leave which resulted in son being taken away from his dad. It absolutley breaks my heart and I seem to cry about it alot lately. I once heard that the best thing you can ever do for your kids is to love their other parent and stay together. But, when that is not possible, what is the worst thing you can do to your child as a divorced parent. and what would be the best thing you could do as a divorced parent? Any opinions?

The best thing you could do for children is simple - be as good parent as possible!

And you say your boy is doing well!

Your problem is something else, I'm afraid...
You are not happy with your life...
Otherwise you wouldn't doubt nor feel guilty for things you had to do at that time...

ps: Don't blame him (too much:-))... you couldn't stay in M and try&try to make it work, knowing that staying in family would be the best for your son (I agree, sometimes is not possible to stay, unfortunately I know from my own case too (left too), so does your X, chosing to hate/ignore you vs. working with you on being good divorced friendly parents for your kid's sake...

'Respectively', the worst thing you could do as a divorced parent is - be unhappy!

So, choose to work on that and let your X have his choices too (so far he's a good Dad)...

The rules of being a good divorced parent…
1. Don’t put the kids in the middle. To test if the child is being put in the middle, put yourself in the child’s shoes.
2. Don’t tell your child what an [censored] your X is being. See Rule 1.
3. Don’t mope and pity your child or yourself. See Rule 2.
4. Maintain your sense of humor, and when possible, exude grace under pressure.
5. Do not let the divorce ruin your life.
6. Discourage sons from becoming “the man of the house” and daughters from becoming “the lady of the house.”
These are based on my own experience as a child of divorce. I was 21 at the time, but my brother was 14.

thanks for all your replys. greengables: what would you say was the part you or your brother hated the most, or what bothered you the most as a child of divorced parents? My parents divorced when I was small and I never remember having my dad around. What I hate the most, is you raise your kids to love both of you, and they do. But one day one parent is ripped out of that childs life and it has to be hard. I just want to make it easier for my son. I know I can not take away all the hurt, but I don't want him to hate life and have problems later on. He loves his dad so much, and I just feel so sorry for him. I really try to do the things you listed, but as I said, my x hates me for leaving him and I know he forwards that on to our son. He will not even speak to me and uses our son as a message boy. I hate it.I always talk positive about his dad and tell him all the time how much his dad loves him. What hurts so bad is his dad is not there for his baseball, football, or soccer games, birthdays, holidays, and every night when he goes to bed and it is killing me.