After spending 8 years having 2 kids and working so hard in the house, and building up a beautiful trust, I slept with 2 men. They were from work. One was an affair which lasted 2 months. I did them because I was so angry with my H and wanted it to end. He has substance probs. The one which lasted 2 months was when man wasnt around. I hate both the OM, as I didnt really feel anything for them; 2nd was manager and I was scared to lose my job. One of biggest probs for my man is that he says I am now dirty and he hates thatI wasnt really in love with them; cant seem to understand it was just sex. I want my family back. I havent left him alone; been with him nearly all time. At first he still had sex with me but now doesnt seem to be interested. Am worried and scared. Think if he truly loved me he would believe me and try to make it work.

melanadream:<p>"cant seem to understand it was just sex"<p>Frankly, WTF is this??<p>It wasn't just sex, it was 2 As. You had 2 extramarital relationships without your H's consent or knowledge. <p>Sex is usually not as important for women as it is for men, so the fact that you had sex with 2 other men probably hurts your H more than you know, and probably meant more to the 2 other men than you think. <p>In any case, you cheated on your H, and you need to decide whether you care about your H enough to try to understand why he's so upset about you "just having sex" with 2 other men. Maybe you don't really want you M.

Sorry I don't blame your husband for feeling that way. I would through you out or leave what ever was faster.

Hello M, At this point your husband feels like a worthless man, he feels very shamed and you have hurt him emotionally and his manly ego, not once but twice...<p>You need to get to the bottom of your problem, why when you feel anger and in need you turn to SEX? Why not turn to the Lord and pray? There are other outlets besides SEX with strangers. There are books you can get his need, her needs....<p>The thought of your wife having sex with multiple partners, trust broken, marriage vows broken, I can see if he thinks you'er dirty. You opened your legs up to 2 different people at the same time along with husband, its awful.<p>You have a lot of work to do.

Okay, melAnaDream:<p>You've got a mess on your hands. I'm not going to rip into you, I'm sure you're getting enough of that from your H and from your conscience.<p>Having sex with 2 OM to punish your H for his substance abuse was a bad way to get him to pay attention. It was also a really hostile thing. So now there's a lot of damage to repair. <p>Unlike the others posting here, I can view "just sex" as exactly that. What has killed our marriage is an emotional affair without sex, my H falling in love with another woman.<p>I hope you can find a good marriage counselor and that your H will agree to work with you to repair the damage. I think you hurt yourself worse than you hurt your H, all things considered.<p>Take care of yourself, for your kids, okay?.

melAnaDream<p>My W had 2 A's last year. 3 mos and a ONS (1 nite stand) during the same time period. We have talked about all the reasons why and somehow have come down to it just being a sexual outlet to relieve frustration in her life, frustration in our marriage, and to chase a sexual fantasy. Believe me, it doesn't help to know this at all. There is no good reason to have an affair, especially sexual ones! The sex adds a medical concern for all of you involved. I would still be upset if she said she fell in love and out of love with OM, and it actually might help me understand the attraction and the A, but that was never an element of the A at all. She maintained that she still loved me throughout the A and never considered leaving me, and has added that the A actually made her appreciate me more. (Well whoop dee freak'n do!)<p>I continued to have sex with my W after D-Day also, but after awhile it suddenly completely stopped. The anger and resentment get to you eventually and all desire goes away. Yes, I used to look at my W like she was some kind of worthless little slut, but that was the anger in me distorting my thoughts and feelings about her. Your H is devastated, believe me. I went for individual counseling right away, he probably needs that too. You both need individual and marriage counseling. He needs time to sort out his feelings. Don't pressure him into deciding whether he wants "In" or "Out" of the marriage. Right now he wants both. If you push it, you'll push him right out the door.<p>Be prepared for the anger and the ranting and the confusion and the hurt. He's a complete mess inside right now. I just came through my storm of emotions, I know how he feels. You need to be sympathetic and understanding and apologetic. If you downplay the severity of what happened at all or try to pass it off as "just sex", as you put it, it will only get worse. <p>Start looking the MB principles right away. Read. Perhaps if your H is willing to later on, he will be open to actively working with you on repairing the M. Have you told him how sorry you are? How regretful you are? Have you told him he is the most important person in your life and you don't want to lose him? Do you still love him that way? You need to self-examine and you need to reach out with care and compassion to your H if you want to start to repair the damage done. This is extremely serious, treat it that way. Good luck.