Please could someone give me a good definition between the difference in Loving someone and being IN -LOVE. I have posted I need to earn his trust under infidelity column. This has to do with that. My X doesn't know if he is In-Love with me or not. He says he definitely loves me though. Any exercises out there to help with this one, or a good definition.

I like Harley's comment that its a craving that when you are in love, you want to be with that person as much as possible.<p>IN more concrete terms, you think of things you wouldlike to do, and you want to do them with the person you are in love with....that means a movie, in bed, shopping for shoes, whatever. <p>Now just because you may do some of these things,(except hopefully the bed thing) on your own, doesn't mean you aren't in love. But if you emjoy them more when you are with the person you are in love with, then you are in love.<p>If you are with them, and you really wish they weren't there, or that you were with someone else, then you aren't in love. It usually sneaks up on you. I remember that I first realized I was in love with my wife when on break during college, I kept seeing things that i would normally enjoy, but they weren't as much fun without her...I knew I was in love.<p>You can love your spouse, but mainly cause you appreciate the things they do, and are fond of their efforts...but if at times you are really glad you are with someone else, or even alone and away from them, you may love them...but you aren't in love with them.<p>Frankly, this happens on and off through most marriages...if goes on for an extended time, that is when you think you might want out of the marriage, or you become attracted to someone who you DO think about doing all sorts of things with, and would prefer them to your spouse...and this leads to EAs and PAs...<p>
At least that is my take on things...anyone else?

Mysti2b<p>I agree with most of how Willy1 described it. My take is:<p>I care about my spouse and her well-being and I have feelings for her, much like one could say that they have love for a friend, but I have lost that feeling that Willy1 mentions where I think about her all the time and how life is so much better and so much more enhanced with her in it. I have lost the passionate feeling of love for her that I used to have. I used to feel like I could not wait to get home from work! Now I could care less if I am gone all day or if I work weekends, too. Spending quality alone time with my spouse is not a priority for me any longer, at least right now. It&#8217;s not that I hate her, or that I don&#8217;t like her, it&#8217;s just that that desire, that flame, to be with her romantically and intimately, as much as possible, has gone. It&#8217;s very sad, actually. I feel like I am a close friend that just happens to be living in the same house with her. Does that help you understand the difference?<p>Of course, I have literally fallen in and out of love with my wife several times in our 9 year history (7 1/2 married) so I think that is a normal occurrence in any marriage or long-term relationship. I know I feel the way I do now because of the PA's that she revealed to me, so I don't know if time will bring back the "In Love" feeling that I miss. But I do know this; there is a definite and clear difference between just having love for someone and being In Love with someone. To me the feeling is unmistakable. So yes, it is possible for your X to say that he knows that he Loves you but he is not &#8216;In Love&#8217; with you. But, there is no reason why he can't fall in love you once again! <p>If you are trying to rekindle a romance and start your relationship over again, take it slow! Having had a previous relationship and familiarity with each other can be both a blessing and a curse. Date. Discover each other once again. Be honest. You already lost each other once because of deception, don't sugar coat anything. It sounds like you want him back, and that desire may influence your actions and words to entice him back into your life, but don't let the goal of reuniting rule all of your actions. Enjoy the journey of your romance. Let the reuniting take place of its own natural accord. Be yourself. If there truly is the commonality and love between you that was there before, the romance and intimacy will come back and love will continue to grow. Good luck!

The feeling that we think of as 'being in love' is actually infatuation-that giddy, oh-my-goodness, pity-pat, I'm so excited I'm gonna throw up when I see him feeling. And it has a very short life span.<p>Love, while it burns less brightly, is a more steady flame. Kind of like the difference in a rapidly boiling pot and a simmering pot. The rapidly boiling pot is more satisfying in the short-term but will boil dry quickly. Love is a long-term thing. <p>But that doesn't mean that we can't turn up the heat to a sizzle now and then. It does, however, take work and dedication.

Thanks for your replies. I know I do love him and am falling back In-Love with him. First I want to say we lived together for almost 2 years before we got married. What bothers me is that just 3 months after marrying him I had the A. It was an unplanned accidental A. Drinking was the big influence on having the ONS (one nightstand) A. I carried this with me for 6 months before being honest and telling him. On top of the A I treated him pretty bad not being the wife I should be do to my unhappiness within myself. My H left and has been gone for 6 weeks. We have had phone conversations just about everyday. I have opened my eyes to alot of my wrong doings. I have been selfish, dishonest, controlling, and mean. I do alot of this do to my previous marriage of 18 years to an alcoholic and flanderer (tons of affairs). I know now just how much I am really ready to open my heart and love my H unconditionally. I am not afraid of loving now that it is almost too late. Finally, I have talked so much to my H he came to see me last night. It was very nice, we talked, we held each other and we got a little carried away with each other. We didn't make love though (which I thought was good). H called me as soon as he got home. I feel good about us now and will take it slow (one day at a time) so to speak. Give him time to date me, want to be with me and fall back in love with me. I think about him all the time and want to do everything with him. I Love and am In Love with my H. I just hope I can get back the In-Love part from him because I know he loves me more than anything.

consider yourself fortunate...not that you had the A, but that you both WANT to fall in love again. That is half the battle, the half most of us are still fighting, and where the outcome is much less certain. Best to you,<p>Willy1