I have never been married but have been involved in a couple of different relationships where my partner cheated on me. The last one was a man I had fallen in love with and then I found out that even though he claimed to only view me as a friend there were constant sexual encounters. THEN I find out that he has a lot of friends who are girls and with every single one of these girls he is having (oral) sex with them. I can't begin to express the hurt of that.<p>NOW I am in an amazing relationship with the man I feel is to be my future husband but I am having a hard time trusting that he isn't cheating on me when he is out of town on job interviews. He is making every effort to support me and share with me about the people in his life and I WANT to trust him but when the time comes that he is gone for a day even I think there is something going on when there probably isn't. I've looked for the "signs" and can't see them. <p>He says he loves me so deeply that he is willing to let go of me so that I can take a bit of time to sort this out but will still be in contact just not as frequently or as intensely as we have been. I do feel extremely loved by this man but this is an issue that I need to deal with or it WILL destroy this relationship.<p>Any suggestions would be wonderful.

kary<p>Yes, you are definitely still wounded from your past experiences. Have you sought counseling for yourself on this? If this new man is truly the gem you say he is, it is sad that he has to deal with garbage leftover from the indiscriminate behavior of your former boyfriends. He does sound like he is understanding enough to give you space to sort it out and is willing to work with you on the trust issue, but basically, he cannot totally wash away your feelings of mistrust that you carry with you, you need to do that yourself. Even though you were not married in the past you have still been affected by Infidelity and you could probably benefit from reading Surviving An Affair or Torn Asunder. You have been a victim of affairs and you need to treat yourself accordingly to heal yourself so you can move forward in your life a little more self-confident and wiser rather than insecure and wounded. Share what you are gong through with your boyfriend and tell him you do not want to lose him over this. Show him that you are actively working on overcoming this tremendous fear. If he loves you he will appreciate your honesty and will be even more willing to support you. I wish you both happiness! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you for the encouraging words. I am seeking counselling from my pastor which has been very helpful. It's been a year since I was so crushed and I've come a long way and now some of the stuff I thought was gone is starting to surface.<p>I have shared this all with my BF and he has been really terrific and is standing beside me all the way - just a little on the sidelines as he cannot do this for me (as you stated).<p>I know he will wait so long as I show that I am putting forth the effort. I will look into the reading suggestions you recommended.<p>It's good to hear a reassuring word and today is better than yesterday when I posted.<p>God Bless You! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]