Spent the whole day preparing.

We decided to divorce this week. Its not going to work. Post her affair, I lost trust, and she can't see communicating with me. Its over.

If you decide to divorce, you need to gather all the financial facts.

Did a complete catalogue of all assets and debts in a spreadsheet, with all account numbers and details, including the home/furniture/personal effects, cars, cash investments, checking, 401K/IRA, pensions, options, credit cards, life insurance, the whole nine yards for both sides. Everything I could think off.

Have the last 3 years of tax returns ready.

I'm preparing a folder with it all.

Looking to discuss it with the wife soon to see if anything is missing. I'm not hiding a thing.

I did a credit report on the web to verify all credit.

I think a 50/50 split on the assets, and most likely a 50/50 split on our gross wages will be fair until my wife co-habitats or gets married again. If you get divorced and make a lot more money than your wife you will have to pay alimony to bring up the support but only until she re-marries, but because our kids are grown, no child support. The alimony is a straight write off from your gross income. Child support is not deductible.

I would like to go with the mediation route first to finalize stuff, then fill in the paperwork and have separate lawyers review.

So far, the wife wants to hang on with the house and not sell it until summer/04, but I want to get out now, and sell the house before Xmas.

My goal now, is to disentangled our finances as soon as possible, and to be completely fair.

My wife gave me a 19 years of happiness in our 20 year marriage, only the last year was bad post her affair.

I think she deserves a good settlement and I have told her so.

I went through all the pictures of our life that were stored in a drawer tonight, it was great. Many pictures of us kissing and having fun with family and friends, with the kids in tow. I was a good looking guy 20 years ago. What a head of hair I had, and 20 pounds less to boot!

I'll let you know how the mediation route goes!

Best to ALL!

Wow,

You sound like a wonderful, fair man with a lot of integrity...wish my ex had offered something like that.

My ex was flying with the airlines...he made tons more than I did as a school teacher...and I still did not qualify for alimony. In the state of MO, according to my lawyers--I made too much money. He didn't even have to pay for my master's which was lost while we were moving around--and I paid for his when he was in the AF. No compensation for that.

From my understanding...alimony is not offered very much anymore...especially if the wife if capable of working. I think that is grossly unfair--or at least it was for me.

I think after

2O years a 50-50 split of assets is fair, but a 50/50 income split only as long as my wifes conditions remain the same. If she remarries or co-habitates then no alimony. That will definitely be in the deal. If she changes jobs and gets a huge increase (IMHO she is underemployed) maybe we need to adjust. She has a good job in a school system with a pension, she is very good looking ( I paid a big sum for a face lift and boob job and a nose job) and with the 50-50 split I get 1/2 of her pension, even if she remarries. So don't think I'm so generous.

How long were you married? If for a long time, IMHO you got a raw deal. Your husband should be ashamed.