Ding! Ding! Ding!

Someone give Nellie a prize!

Both my first marriage and my current were with wives that were children of divorce and not much of a father figure in the home.

I've thought about this a lot. My parents are still together after 56 years of marriage. My first marriage ended at her request and my current is plagued with issues of lack of commitment.

There are times I feel like a failure for not being able to hold either of these marriages together. It took me awhile but I'm learning I can't do it alone, but in the end it's still just an excuse.

in response to chris: I don't believe I taught my kids to run when the going gets tough. I was married to a womanizer for 23 years. 4 affairs--didn't know what committment was. I hope I taught my kids that you do not have to stay in a marriage of this kind. I hope I showed my daughter (19) that you do not have to stay married to someone who cheats on you. I did not have a college edu. or a good job. But I left anyway and me and my son (12) lived with my sister for over a year until we got on our feet. My daughter is in RN school and I stress all the time to her: be able to support yourself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by attheedge:
<strong> Hi,

I was reading in Dr. Harley book that there is this notion going around today that divorce is not that bad on children. He says that is devasting to them, and that to say anything else is cruel. I believe this is on page 180 of his needs her needs...

Our couselor says current research does not say this at all. I was wondering if this is Dr. Harley's opinion or if this is based on some research from somewhere.

Thanks. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You might want to read Mavis Hetherington's research. Her most recent book is called For Better or for Worse: Divorce Reconsidered and has been out for a few years. Unlike Judith Wallerstein, Hetherington studied a large, varied population and used a control group the whole time. She has also studied her population longer than Wallerstein studied hers.

The results of Hetherington's and Wallerstein's studies are not really that different. An interesting comparison of the two studies is at:

http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/divorce/a0031653.cfm

One of the things that Hetherington found was that 25% of children of divorce end up with serious psychological/emotional problems, compared to only 10% of her control group.

On the subject of sticking it out and turning "bad" marriages around:

http://www.geocities.com/childrenanddivorce/divorceDebate.html