My wife and I are in our early 30's. My wife is a stay at home mom and I work a typical 8 - 5 job. I find that I need my own personal time. I am active in a variety of sport activities and will always have one night a week dedicated to that. This usually will account for 2-3 hours a week for me. I am very gracious that my family supports this need. I am otherwise happy to be at home and participate in all aspects of my family. My wife on the other hand stays at home during the week and will eventually need her own time. She has not made an effort to pursue an activity/hobby outside of late nights at the bar with girlfriends. She will always invite me knowing full well that a night with the girls is not my cup of tea. You might ask "What's the problem?" and I guess I don't know if there is one. I suppose that because I have left that lifestyle behind me and moved on, I'm having a hard time understanding her need to partake in those activities. It's not as frequent as once a week, but more along the lines of once or twice a month. I have decided that I don't need to (or can't) "compete" with her in that arena, but I have tried. It feels forced and unnatural to go out with the idea that I'm going to party all night long. I feel uncomfortable doing that and I wish my wife would find something other than bar nights as a source of "her time".<p>Is there anyone that is experiencing a similar situation? Will she eventually grow out of it? Am I just an old fart?

Need more info....<p>When you say "late nights at the bar", how late are we talking? And are we talking about a bunch of women that just drink wine and chat (like me and my friends) or ones that go out to talk with guys, dance, etc. To me, those issues would make a lot of difference between OK and questionable...

I didn't mean to leave out any details. To be honest I don't know if I have the answer to that question. I believe that it is purely a desire to be with friends and chat. The only fact that I can provide is that when the bar lights come on, that is her signal to come home. It's never a case of sometime before or after. It's always closing time. I would go on to say that it isn't just the evening, but also the following day that is effected by her outings. I treasure the time that I get to spend with the kids, but I don't enjoy having to wait on her too.<p>I have asked her in the past if it truly is a case of needing to go out with the girls and chat, why does it always have to be at the bar until closing time. I have never gotten a straight answer and it typically brings out her well tuned defense mechanisms.<p>I don't know if any of this helps in evaluating the circumstances, but I do appreciate the effort.

I have to tell you I do not think it is a good sign that a married woman at least twice a month goes out to a bar at night with friends until the bar closes before she comes home. A year ago there was a very interesting letter from a bartender who wrote to these boards saying he constantly saw married people hooking up late at night at his bar and suggested that married women were looking to get into big trouble in the long run. When people are drinking late at night and/or dancing with people of the opposite sex it will lead to nothing good.
I think if this is an on going process then it will be a matter of time before something bad will occur. If you have a male friend you may wish to ask him to observe late at night what is going on just for your own piece of mind. I wish you luck.

I appreciate your response. I'm not ready to consider those possibilities. If it led to something like that I would be very disappointed, but my wife has never given me any reason to be concerned about her commitment to me and our family. I guess I initially was looking for a woman's perspective on the whole girls night out. I suspect that I am not your typical male that can relate to the necessity of a guys night out.<p>Another thing that might also highlight my confusion is that before she goes out she transforms into someone totally different. Not just physically, but also mentally. She gets very excited to the point that she is very focused on the preparation process. She goes through a process of grooming herself: plucking eyebrows, clothes selection (dress up), more than usual make-up, etc. It's usually best for me and the kids to go outside or leave so that we don't interfere. In general, her preparation is to a greater degree than when her and I go out. I think she looks stunning all the time and I have a hard time evaluating this activity. In terms of her thought process, she usually forgets something and has to come back. It seems like she has blinders on and has a hard time seeing out side of the box. It's nearly impossible to have a conversation with her.<p>Is this just a stay-at-home moms response to anything away from the kids? I am sure of the fact that she treats it differently than any of her other activities.