HI Still--

I wanted to let you know I read your reply to Peachy, but didn't want to take over her thread.

If you ask me, I think you made a nice gesture to your BF in allowing him, his free time with his best bud!
I'm sure he does feel some guilt from his response to you, and maybe he should.
Not that he shouldn't have that time with his friend, but that he needs to address the issues with the two of you.

I would be the same as you. I would want to get this stuff out on the table, Period! Find the fix, and work on it.
The ignoring thing would drive me nuts!

I hate it for you that you are going through these issues with him.
I don't know what else to say, except that I'm sorry about your situation.

Best of luck to you, keep us posted.

K

Hi K-

I don't know where things are headed. In many ways I feel that my BF and I are living parallel lives and if this relationship is to work we need to be more intertwined. Granted this is easier said than done considering the distance between us, but I didn't feel it was impossible.

I guess I just feel that ever since I made a firm committment to staying here things have been slowly going downhill. I do believe he loves me, but I feel he is happiest when I am added to his world, not him being added to mine. We are rarely on my turf and always doing his stuff. Granted most of our time together is at his cabing which is a great getaway, but if we aren't there we are in his city, rarely mine. I generally don't mind, but as I look over things I realize it is not equal and it is really getting to me.

He keeps saying he loves me and wants to make me happy, yet I feel it is on his terms. He knows how I feel, what I want, etc., yet it never seems to happen. Don't get me wrong, he is very generous and loving, but it is always on his turf, with his friends, on his terms. The ironic thing is is that on the rare occasions where've we've done stuff with my friends he has had a blast, so I really don't understand it.

This is really difficult as I love him a lot, and want to work this out, however, I want to work this out together combining both of our lives into one rather than it being so one sided. It is worse because other than this he is awesome. He is kind, caring, etc., but how can I be truly happy with the way things are going?

Then for this weekend it just bothers me because he is the king of ignore it and it will go away. Furthermore, although I actually like his friend, I do not like my BF when he is around him. This friend in my opinion happens to be a user when it comes to my BF. They are old childhood friends and my BF won't hear from him for quite a while and then he'll call and poof it's like everyone is supposed to jump at what he wants. Everything is on his terms and when he is around, my usually in control, etc. BF becomes a puppet on his strings. I generally do my best to ignore it and go along with things, but with all this tension I don't know if I can.

Peachy suggested I go along, but request some alone time, but my BF considers it rude to leave his friend and his wife alone, even though they often come to my BF's cabin on their own and do just fine. It is nuts. I truly do not understand the relationship they have.

I am talking to him tonight. I am going to calmly discuss how I am feeling and hopefully we will come to some terms for working this out.

Thanks for thinking of me. It's nice to have friends.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi again SR--

Geez, I'm not sure what to make of his actions.

I wonder...
I'm sure he is great with you kids, and they are good to be around also, but, could he be afraid of an automatic family?

Or, maybe he feels he is doing you the favor by you always going to his place. A Getaway, because he knows you have your plate full all week with your kids, and he wants you to go away from your chores/home so you can relax.

If there is a distant drive between the two of you, that doesn't seem quite fair to me, that you would always be the one making that.
But, maybe he is thinking he is doing good by you.

I'm not sure what to make of it.
I believe you when you say he is caring, and loving. It would be hard to know in your shoes, what to think.

As far as the friend thing. Will you know ahead of time if his wife is joining him?
If the wife comes, I would probably go, but if it's just the guy, I think I wouldn't.
Seems like if this guy is the way you mentioned, likes to run the show, that would be hard to take for a weekend.

I hope you find a resolution tonight. I think trying to open the situation up to him is the best you can do.
I know you care for him a lot. Try to get him to open up, hopefully, he will.

I will continue to remember you. Take Care.
K.

Hi K-

I don't think he is afraid of the automatic family, but I do definately see him afraid of the automatic family on my turf. I really believe he is stuck in his comfort zones, as I am too, but I feel I am always the one coming out of mine and I want it to be more level.

As for the traveling, as I said, we actually spend most of our time at his cabin which is only an hour from me. I think this gives him the false impression that he is doing the traveling. Well, actually he is, but I have now cleared up that I want to put in more time on my turf and he seemed understanding.

He is very intelligent and extremely rational. It is like he weighs every move he makes over and over and although very loving, really keeps his emotions in check, compared to me who can run with my emotions over nothing. It can be an interesting mix.

When we talked I told him I really wanted this bump to end. He said he did too. I then said that I really felt we needed to talk about it rather than continue to ignore it because it is getting worse. He said he just wanted it done, but would listen.

As we talked it became obvious that we had totally different takes on how things were, but we talked through it. When I said I felt like we were always doing stuff on his terms he said that's because I never plan anything or ask. Although I do tend to go with the flow, I am a people pleaser, most of the time I talked about things I had suggested we do, but that he seemingly blew off. With this talk it became apparent that we have been misreading eachother.

The talk went well and we have both decided to put more effort into things and to make a point to find more balance in the things we do and where we go. I am hoping with things cleared up and a little effort we will get back on track.

One thing that does bother me though is that he was talking about things to the next level and how we would do that and it seemed to come through clearly that he figures I will eventually move there. The point is I can't. I don't know, maybe he is assuming my XH will screw up legally again and that will clear the way for me to move, but there is more to it than that especially with the kids and I have told him I have no intention of moving. I don't know, maybe it is just habit as before this winter I was truly contemplating relocating before I really looked at everything. I am just hoping this doesn't lead to problems down the road.

As for the weekend, who knows! His friend will be up by the cabin for business and asked if he could come over. My BF will not tell him no, not that I am telling him to, but I know that is out of the question. So if we go there we will be with him and it will turn into another guys weekend with K being one of the guys - yeah! We also talked about doing something else, but haven't come up with anything. My dog is getting neutured today so he will have to go anywhere I go so it limits us. It is also the only weekend from now until September that we can get to the cabin so I feel badly not going there. I don't know, we will see.

Thanks for the input and for listening to me.

How about you? How are things going? Any hot new dates? How are the girls.

We have just had two birthdays in the last week and a half. The five year old turned six and the two year old turned three. I am now digging their bedroom out of a ton a new toys - just what we needed!

The olded two are in basketball camp this week and having a ball. My XH hates it because the coach who runs it is a good friend of mine. My XH is insecure around him and actually to this day accuses me of having a long standing affair with him. He is totally off, it is untrue and totally unfounded, but he still gets bothered. Although it has been a couple of months since he has accused me of anything. I guess that's how the affair mind thinks. Furthermore, the kids and I are constantly doing stuff with this man as he is in my closest circle of friends. His wife is one of my best friends and my kids love his kids, my XH hates it.

Anyway, the kids are having a blast and talk about nothing else. It is fun to sit back and watch them. The evil me must admit that it is fun to envision my XH having to listen to them talk about it too as I know how it gets to him. He has even gone as far to purposely steer our son towards other sports so he won't be in basketball and around this man even though basketball is my son's true love and he is very good at it. I honestly don't get the obsession he has with him. My XH did grow up in the same neighborhood as my friend, who knows, maybe it goes all the way back to childhood.


I can't believe how quickly the summer is going. As August approaches I am going into depression as the school year approaches. I love my job, but it is so nice to not have to work in the summer. We get to do so much.

Talk to you soon.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi K-

I'm so glad you took what I said about your children the right way. After I wrote it, I was nervous to hear your reply. I didn't want it to come across negative in any way.

Sounds like your conversation was positive. It also sounds to me that he very much wants you in his life. I guess the hurdle here is the distance thing, as it has been.
I totally understand how you can't move your kids.
That would disrupt everything, school, friends, sports, not to mention their father.
It would be easy if it were just you, but, that is not the case. You have 4 hearts to think of, and that comes first.
My hope for you is that, if you are meant to be with him, a solution will be found.

Wow! Two B-days in a week. That's pretty big!
I miss having a 3 yr old. When my youngest was 3, she was like a little china doll. Just the sweetest little thing. She still is at 10, but it's a grown up version. If I could have a 3 yr old, I would, in a minute. Just a sweet time in their lives.
I'm sure she is a constant reminder of a rough spot in your life, BUT, what a positive reminder she is.
Sounds like your kids are busy this summer.
It makes me sick to my stomach that school is around the corner.
All the feelings I had when I was young, come back to me as a mom. The fears of all things.
I love having my girls home, and the free time.

Thank you for asking about my girls.
They are doing well.
My youngest keeps me on my toes. She has always been so quiet, but is coming out of her shell. She amazes me all the time. Her newest thing is that she "claims" she likes bikers.
Tell me I'm not in trouble?! She is such a joy though.
I have been taking my oldest to an alternative med doctor.
I just can't believe that in the year that we are in, and med tech that her life has to be so hard.
With her tumor, it has messed up so many things.
The biggest for her is her weight. She is 13. She has gained 70 lbs since she got sick. Its the meds that do it to her, along with the damage the surgery did to her. She is bright, and such a loving girl. She is such a loyal friend if given the chance. But, you know how middle years are. If you are not pencil thin, you do not fit in. My heart breaks for her all the time. She feels different from the other girls. She is very serious, and grown up. I think when life threatening things happen to people, life becomes much more serious.
Thank you again for asking about them. They are my pride in my life. The two that I created and am proud of who they are.

As for me, well, not much happening in my life.
I have had the chance to meet anyone, so no new dates.
I did got out to lunch almost two weeks ago with the guy I was dating.
As much as I hate to admit it, or say it aloud, I need to. I think his feelings for me go way deeper then mine for him.
I just don't think I would be happy to spend my life with him.
Where I'm at right now, I don't see him being the guy I can be with.
I feel awful saying that. This guy treated me the way I always dreamed, I mean dreamed of being treated.
He took me to NICE dinners. Let me tell you, my X never did that. He thought that was crazy.
He bought me flowers almost weekly.
He bought me gifts.
He was very loving, and complimented me all the time.
Pretty much made me feel like a queen.
What went wrong??
I think I felt smothered. He was always too available. He has nothing extra going on in his life. He wanted to be with me, and my girls all the time.
Another thing that bothers me about him is he seems to get down frequently. I don't know that I would label it as depressed, but I'm not used to a guy complaining. That bothered me.
A physical feature, that he can not control, is that he is only about 1 inch taller than me. I'm 5'8", I think he is 5'9". I like to wear a little heel sometimes, and I don't like being eye level or above.
That may be shallow of me, but it's just one of those things that bothers me.

So,
I have been keeping my distance from him.
He says we can go out to dinner, with no strings.
He understands that I want to date should the opportunity arise.
I know he Loves me very much, but I don't think I can love him the same. It's sad, but the truth.

Boy, this has gotten long.
Oh, one more thing I wanted to add.
I think it hilarious about your X being jealous of this guy friend.
I think that's great! Let him worry about you, and your love life!!
Amazing that he would try to direct your kids toward a different sport to get them away from him.
I think our X-WS's deserve to feel emotional pain from time to time. They put us through enough, they should feel a little themselves.

Take care.
K.

Hi K-

I find myself attached to the computer this morning. The oldest two are at basketball camp and the youngest two have a friend over and are totally ignoring me. I have a ton of stuff I should be doing, but can't seem to get motivated.

You know in addition to the distance factor between my BF and I, I feel is our total lack of understanding of what the other goes through on a typical day. My BF has no children and no matter how loving or understanding he can be, there are just things he doesn't comprehend as he isn't a parent. You know, the things you simply don't get until you are actually a parent? Then he is a self-employed work aholic, yes he is addicted, and I have no comprehension of what it takes to run an ever expanding business and keep on top of things. Where the kids are my life I feel work is his. Of course there is no comparison between the kids and his business, but he is so wrapped up in it and was long before I came into the picture, so old habits die hard, if ever. He is realizing a need to cut back, but it is difficult to actually do. I guess we will take it one step at a time.

I totally can relate to feeling sick to your stomach with the thought of school starting. I too remember how it felt, the nervousness and excitement, the butterflies. I watch my kids experiencing it and still experience it as an adult even more since I teach. I guess I will have to wait until retirement to break free of the feeling!

Your ten year old sounds like a riot. It is so wonderful when they suddenly start breaking away and forming their own opinions. My son turns ten in February and I see the changes in him too.

I really feel for your oldest daughter. She has been through so much, I wish there was something that could be done to take away all of her pain. It just is so unfair. The weight issue is such a horrible factor to have to experience as it is so in their face, especially at their age. My oldest enters middle school this fall and I see her suddenly focusing on things like her weight and I cringe. You just want them to be happy and protected from all the adolescent garbage. How is the alternative medicine going? I wish her all the best and will keep her in my prayers.

I hear what you are saying about the guy you were dating. You know what? He can do all the right things, but that doesn't mean he is right for you. He does seem very dependent on you and that would drive me nuts. It is hard to be drawn to someone who seems that dependent no matter how wonderful they can be. Chances are is that his neediness is not only pushing you away, but making you focus on all the nit picky things as well. I don't think you are shallow, but even if you were, you are being honest with your feelings and if they bother you it is better for you to admit it and deal with them.

The height thing is a big one for most women. I think that no matter what height we are we'd like the man to be taller. I laugh at this as my XH's new wife is an inch taller than he. It is just one of many things that makes them a mismatched and unattractive couple.

Well, I better run. Talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

I'm back again K-
and so happy to have you to talk to.

That is something huge for as far as the guy I was dating.
I feel it was a huge thing for me, as I have my girls, and he has no children, or with me, would most likely never have children.
He has a good job, but he is done by 5, and then he is free. Other than cutting his lawn, he has nothing to take up his time.
So, I understand his neediness, to a point, but it's hard for me to deal with.
I was married to somewhat of a work-a-holic, along with his other things, meaning adulterer.
But, I got used to it being just the girls and I doing most things together.
I craved time with my X, which I didn't get much of.
Now, I had someone that wanted to be with me ALL the time, and I couldn't deal with it.
I think some of it has to do with, when you have kids, there are certain things that occupy your time, and always things to do.
Him being the extra person, wasn't included in the things, and it wasn't his place, and it drove me nuts!
It just didn't seem like a fit.
Like you said, as wonderful as he is/was if there is something missing, it will never be enough.
I have been honest with him, but have never quite told him it this way, as I feel it would crush him.

It's nice to come here, and be able to really put out there how I feel, and get another view on it.
Thank you for your time, and input. It helps me so much.

So, you have a middle schooler coming up. Just wait, you will not believe how fast these 3 years go. It seems like my oldest just started 6th grade, now she will be in 8th. It goes so much faster than elementary.
Middle school is hard, I think harder for girls than boys. Academically she does very well, but socially is a whole other issue.
Girls are so clicky. I remember it so well from being there myself. I wouldn't go back for nothing.

Thank you for caring about my oldest. She is the sweetest thing, and it's so crappy that this all happened to her. Talk about bad things that happen to good people. This is truly the case.

Thank you again for your kindness and communication. I appreciate all that you say.

K.

Posted by Karono:

"As for me, well, not much happening in my life.
I have had the chance to meet anyone, so no new dates.
I did got out to lunch almost two weeks ago with the guy I was dating.
As much as I hate to admit it, or say it aloud, I need to. I think his feelings for me go way deeper then mine for him.
I just don't think I would be happy to spend my life with him.
Where I'm at right now, I don't see him being the guy I can be with.
I feel awful saying that. This guy treated me the way I always dreamed, I mean dreamed of being treated.
He took me to NICE dinners. Let me tell you, my X never did that. He thought that was crazy.
He bought me flowers almost weekly.
He bought me gifts.
He was very loving, and complimented me all the time.
Pretty much made me feel like a queen.
What went wrong??
I think I felt smothered. He was always too available. He has nothing extra going on in his life. He wanted to be with me, and my girls all the time.
Another thing that bothers me about him is he seems to get down frequently. I don't know that I would label it as depressed, but I'm not used to a guy complaining. That bothered me.
A physical feature, that he can not control, is that he is only about 1 inch taller than me. I'm 5'8", I think he is 5'9". I like to wear a little heel sometimes, and I don't like being eye level or above.
That may be shallow of me, but it's just one of those things that bothers me."


No offense but isn't that how it always goes. You probably will need some guy who treats you like crap, isn't emotionally available, cares more ahout his friends more than you...and on and on. I don't mean to be rude, but that is usually the story. The 'good guys" are not what women really want. They say they do, but they really don't.

Lemonman--

You know, this guy said the same thing to me.
That women like to be treated like crap!

I did totally appreciate the way he treats/treated me. BUT-- I became all he had. I encouraged him to go with his friends. To get a hobby, golf, go out to lunch/dinner, whatever.
I felt smothered. He wanted to be with my girls and I every evening.
As soon as my girls would go with their dad, he would be at my house, sometimes within 10 minutes.
I needed space.
I did tell him I needed this, but it didn't seem to sink in.

I appreciate what you are saying, and I know I sound ungreatful.
I realize how great he was to me,
and I know I may never find that again.

Can you tell me your take on him always being available?
Does that make him TOO needy? In a guys opinion, how do you think it should be?
What is the right balance?
Are men maybe different from women. Maybe men don't need friends. I thought men like to do guy things from time to time. I don't mean the bar thing, but golf, or ball stuff like that.

I have been treated like crap, I know what that is all about, and I don't want that again.
I was married for 18 yrs to a guy that was always looking for something better. Well, he found what he was looking for, I guess.

Thanks for your input. It does mean something.

K.

Karona:

I do understand what you are saying. It is a very draining experience to always have to be someone's only outlet for happiness. I think this guy defintely needs to get more balanced. I bet you if he didn't always seem so available and had other interests you would be automatically be more attracted to him. The reason I made the comment I did was that it seems like he is the polar opposite of your WS and now you don't want him either. Please don't be offended that I wrote the previous post. I do believe that women who live with men who emotionally abuse (i.e ignore them, put them 25th on their list of priorities, etc..) them and treat them like crap never subconsciously can be attracted to a man who gives them everything they "think they want". With your guy, he was to emotionally needy and I undertsand that this is a major turnoff, but I do wonder from readng your posts if you wouldn't be happier with someone more like your X (i.e an A-hole). Just my .02 for what that is worth. I do enjoy reading your posts. Good day to you.

Lemonman--

You are making my blood boil!

It makes me cringe to think I could ever be with another man that would cheat on me, and like you said, put me 25th on their list.
That is what my X did, both accounts.
But, I don't want that, ever!

I have wondered if I know how to accept being treated well.
I loved being treated well by this guy,
but it was his neediness that blew it.

I hope you are wrong. I don't want a repeat of what I have already went through.
I want to be with someone someday, that makes me happy, and I can make them happy too.

I want to be priority to them, and not be treated like crap.


I'm wondering....
What's your story?
Just curious.

Take care. I was not offended. Thanks again for the input!

K.

This is just my two cents, but I don't think you are afraid of being treated nicely and I don't think you will end up with someone like your XH. You have been doing a lot of soul searching and figuring out what you want out of life.

Yes, this new man was wonderful in many ways, but he came into your life when you hadn't even started to really heal and grow from your husband's affair and the divorce. I am a firm believer in the need to find closure with something or someone before moving onto something or someone new. I think that was the first problem.

More than that however is this man's neediness. Nobody wants to feel smothered and feel that they are another person's sole reason for being. Yes this man was wonderful in many ways, yet he definately had some insecurity and neediness issues which need work.

I do agree that there is some truth to women going for the bad guy and the nice guy finishing last, but I think it has less to do with the niceness and more to do with the fact that women want men to be freethinkers, not dependent puppy dogs.

Karona, you are looking for a man who can provide you with both. You want someone who will respect you and treat you nicely, but you also want someone who has a life of his own and some independence. Until you find that you shouldn't settle for less or feel guilty about it.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi K--

Thank you for summing that up for me, as you did that so well.
That is what I want. Which, in a way, sounds like EVERYTHING!
Hmmm, I wonder, is it possible??
Am I asking for too much?
I guess only time will tell.

For now though, I still feel I have to be distant with this guy.
He still wants to go out once in a while. I have talked to him about that. He says there are no ties. That I would be free to date if I choose.
I have seen him a couple of times since I broke it off with him over a month ago.
We went to lunch two weeks ago. It was nice, but it wasn't as if I had the need to see him more.

So, what's going on with you? How is the weekend shaping up?
I hope it ends up being a nice time for you, whatever you end up doing.
Fill me in when you know, or after the weekend.

I'm looking forward to my weekend.
Tomorrow night, I have a get together to go to, (women only).
I joined the Beta Alpha Sisters.
It's a fun time. We have lunch or dinner together once a month. During the year, we do a couple good things for the community.
Saturday,
I have entered a 2mile run/walk.
I have always wanted to enter a run, but, being that I have not ran all year, I'm walking.
Maybe this will motivate me to get back to running.
I'm looking forward to both events. They both should be uplifting experiences.

That's about the size of my weekend.

Take care,
K

Hi Karona-

I don't think you are asking for everything or even too much. Take your time and enjoy life. When you least expect it you will be ready and the right person will come along. Granted, even then it most likely won't be a fairy tale or Nicholas Sparks novel, but I am sure you will find yourself very happy again.

Enjoy your weekend. It sounds fun. Dinner out with the girls shall we say is always fun. Good luck in your race. I need to get more physically active. I was doing just awesome, but alas I must say the stress of the last few months has got me vegging out and munching too much. The result is that I have suddenly put on a bunch of weight and it is really getting to me as it all came on so quickly!

I still am not sure what I am doing, but in a gesture of good will I offered to go to the cabin even if BF's friend will be there. We have had some fun times and I figure that since we have talked and gotten things out in the open it is time to move on and try to have fun. The BF might have to work a little though, yes, work on his weekend off, and if he does I will probably head south. There is nothing going on here and most of my friends are out of town for the weekend. I hate to sit at home and do nothing but work.

I think you are right in distancing yourself from the man for now. It seems that any little thing you do encourages him and leaves him wanting for more. It is best to take it easy on his heart.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi K!

I'm glad you are going to be with your BF. It will be tons better than staying home by yourself, and doing home-work. Good for you. It's good that you two have had a chance to get things out. I'm sure that will definitely lighten the time this weekend.
Crappy that he may have to work though. Hope that will be short, if at all.

Yes, I am looking forward to time with my friends.
We enjoy each others company. Some of the topics that come up are pretty good. Good for a laugh for sure! Need that!!

I'm excited about the walk. I wish I were running, but like I said, maybe this will motivate me to start again.
I had lost weight, stress loss, during my separation/divorce. But, it's back! I felt good back then, but, the stress wasn't worth it.
I would rather have 10 extra pounds, and not have the turmoil.
It's a constant effort, for sure.
I'm sure once you get back to work, you will burn it off.
I remember working. It's go, go all the time.
You don't have time to sluff off.
You will do fine.

You are right about the guy. I try to be distant like you said. It's best. If we do see each other, as much as I say what I want, it gives him hope. I'm not sure there is any.

How funny, your description of what I may find.
Love the referral to my buddy Nicholas! I know, I'm coming to realize what a fairy tale that is.
All good things take good work, and effort. It was a phase I was going through.
I had been reading Dr Phils relationship rescue.
Very good read! Lots of info.

Well, have a great weekend. I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

Take care,
K.

Good morning Karona-

My you are an early riser! I got to sleep in a little this morning as the kids are gone, however, as usual whenver I am able to sleep in I find myself stirring early. It just isn't fair!

You are right about having fun with your friends. I have always had great friends, but when I was married they were more of phone and work relationships. My XH was constantly telling me how I had no real friends, unlike himself who had so many - for a while I actually started to believe him. Anyway, I pretty much stuck to home with the kids. My XH flipped whenever I wanted to go out with the girls, no matter what the event. He was so insecure. We didn't go out all that often as a couple as it was so expensive. Anyway, when he left I actively rekindled my friendships and now have such a full and busy circle. I love it.

I don't know if I ever told you this, but the most amazing thing happened during our separation. The morning after the birth of my daughter my closest friends all got together and came to see me as a group. Those who had kids brought them too as we were all anticipating this baby. The hospital staff wasn't thrilled, but the head nurse knew me and my situation and allowed it. Anyway, my WH took his time coming to see me and ended up getting there after they had arrived. Imagine his surprise when he walked in with my older kids into a room full of almost twenty moms and kids. He looked like a deer in the headlights. It was awesome. My kids of course loved it as a bunch of their friends were there. I think it was one of the first times my XH saw that I really had a life of my own and I don't think he liked it.

For the weekend, my BF doesn't have to work, but has had an aweful week and is tired. He also added that if he comes up north his BF has already called him repeatedly bugging for a guys weekend of fishing, something that although I can handle a little of, I really don't get into and don't want to spend the whole weekend doing. This combined with the fact that he has to be at work early Monday morning have led to him asking for me to come down. So now I have to get ready and head out. I am looking forward to it as I need to do a little shopping and there is always more going on down there.

When I think of your visions of love I chuckle to myself, because who doesn't want that? Unrealistic or not, it is so appealing! I have thought about reading Dr. Phil's book. I really like his straight forward approach. Maybe I'll pick it up. However, it will have to wait as a friend just lent me a copy of The Wedding. So now I will get to spend some time with your Mr. Sparks.

I hope your weekend goes well. Good luck tomorrow. I'll talk to you when I get back.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still,

I know you are away, but wanted to respond back to you anyway.

I was up early today. Just had junk on my mind. But, I did go back to sleep after I was online for a bit.
(bust myself)

Too funny about you spending time with my man, Mr Sparks.
You know, funny thing. I saw him on the Today show I think it was yesterday. My image of him was a tad bit shattered.
To hear him talk, was a whole new vision for me. He has a somewhat feminine voice. I didn't like that part of him. But, nonetheless, he's still an awesome writer.
You will LOVE The Wedding. It's wonderful!
Awe, the romance.

Fishing does not sound like my cup of tea. Your a great woman for going with it. To me, thats a guy thing.
I think your guy is lucky to have you!
You seem so easy to get along with, and pretty flexible.

I think it's great that your friends were there with you at the Hospital. I can't imagine anything greater for your X to walk in on than support from your true friends.
I bet he about wet himself! And, how great for your older kids to see their buddies there.

You and I must have been alot alike in our married days.
I too stayed at home with the kids. Never went out. I felt guilty doing anything with friends.
My X was cheap when it came to eating out.
I remember, it became a habit that we would go out to dinner on Fri or Sat, as a family, never alone. He let me know that was too much! He's tight, and hasn't changed yet. It makes me laugh when the girls tell me things about his new home life. I wonder, how long is his chick gonna like this??
Of course, he did let me know that she never expected anything.
I guess, I was high maintenance.
In my own defense,
at the time, I never went and had my hands or toes done. After my daughter got sick, I quit doing most things for myself, including going to a salon to get my hair done. I have a friend cut it in her home, and color it myself.

I hope he has been surprised that just maybe, his little tanning bed, cigarette smoking, pepsi drinking babe, just may have a couple of expectations herself!
Have to admit, it does put a smile on my face!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Have a great weekend! I will look forward to hearing from you next week.

K.

Hi K-

I just got back this morning as my boyfriend talked me into spending an extra day and was without a computer all weekend. Talk about withdrawal! Then when I got home the kids came back and we have been busy running around and having some fun too. Now they are starting to settle in for the night so I have some time to myself for a while.

Then we leave tomorrow morning for a two day Mom and kids trip with friends. There will be six moms and fifteen kids, ranging in age from two to fourteen. It is a yearly thing and we always have a blast.

Then this weekend my brother is getting married so we will be caught up in all the festivities. All four kids are in it and it is shaping up to be quite the event.

Needless to say, this is going to be one busy week! Luckily I had an awesome weekend and have come back totally refreshed and upbeat! We had an awesome time and just got to enjoy being together. There was a lot going on in his city so we had a blast. We even got to see a John Michael Montgomery concert and he put on a great show! This weekend, combined with our talk last week has really started to turn things around. I am really pumped.

How did your weekend go? How was your walk? I can't wait to hear about it.

I had to laugh about your comments on Nicholas Sparks. Isn't funny how we start to imagine what they sound like, act like, etc. just because we love their work? I haven't been able to start reading The Wedding yet, maybe tonight.

As I read your comments on your XH and your marriage, I see that we can totally relate. My XH was and continues to be a very self centered man. I can remember scraping together money at times to buy groceries because he had spent his check at the bar or casino only to have him miraculously come up with money to buy himself toys or go out. What an idiot I was! I really should've stood up to him long before I did. I was to blame too, because I was enabling, but at the time I didn't know how to change it. Finding the strength to do that is one of my biggest post divorce accomplishments.

I look forward to hearing from you. I've missed our chats!

Take care and God bless!
K

Welcome home Still--
How I have missed you to talk to!
I'm so glad your weekend was great! How wonderful for you.
Did the friend come?
The concert sounds fun. I like his music.

You do have a busy week coming up. How great that all your kids are in the wedding! You will be such a proud Mom!

The walk was good. It did rain. Seemed more like a wet T-shirt contest, than a run/walk. (Just kidding, but we were soaked)!
I didn't make any record times, but it was an uplifting experience.

Well, the only new news I have is, that I had another date with the guy that I had been seeing.
This time, for sure, I have cut all dates/communications.
As I mentioned previously, he seemed needy, or smothering.
For whatever reason, when I was with him, while its so different than it was, I still have this overwhelming feeling of too close.
I found that there is something huge missing to this relationship.
I have told him I have to stop, and this time for sure.
He told me I will regret it, that there is only S--- out there. That response bothered me, to say the least.
I hope he is wrong. I have to believe, there are good men left out there.
I feel I have to be honest with myself. I don't think I can make something be, what it is not.
I have many,many fond memories of him, and he treated me great, but, it got smothered beyond repair.

So, now, I'm just sitting back, and evaluating my life. Something I should have done from the beginning.
I will see where my life goes, and try not to worry about this whole dating thing.

Yes, our X's are self centered people. Mine never took from the family monetarily, but his actions were hurtful.
He will always be my daughters father, but I'm not sure he is that great of a role model. He is not the worst father, but he could use some polishing for sure!

Have a great trip with your friends. That is awesome that you do this. Wonder what your X thinks of that?! Not that you care, but, hey, wouldn't this be considered close friends? Something he claimed you didn't have! You go girl!


Take care.
K>

Hi Karona-

Sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you, but my week was just nuts! Granted, it was a lot of fun, but I feel like I have been living out of suitcases for over a week and it is so nice to sit at home and unwind.

Our trip was great. The kids had a lot of fun. We spent one day at an amusement park and the other at Packer training camp. We also spent a lot of time in the pool and a little time shopping.

The wedding was beautiful. My brother and his new wife are both perfectionists so everything was top notch. The kids all did a great job. They looked so nice and behaved very well. I of course got to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I have to admit it was worth it, I was so proud of them. All three girls had their hair done up professionally. They all got updos with their hair swept up in curls. I have to admit, that my oldest was just beautiful and my stomache turned more than once as I looked at her and realized just how quickly she is growing up. Of course the youngest stole the show. She was absolutely adorable and she has just got a soft spoken charm about her. The groomsmen were falling all over her. My son, seemed so grown up handling all his responsibilities with such maturity and my middle daughter did great, although she did get a bit overwhelmed at times. She is so much fun when she is good, she is sharp as a tack and really witty, but man don't mess with her when she's angry. She will be a fun one to watch grow up. She definately is my challenge! My BF came up Friday night and was there with us for everything so that was nice too. I wish we'd had more time to do some things on our own, but we were pretty tied up with the wedding.

I think you did the right thing in cutting your ties with this guy you've been seeing. He sounds way too possessive. He had no right to tell you that you'll regret it. Maybe you will, but it is your choice. He just seems too insecure. If he really has feelings for you and he really thinks you are making a mistake he could have taken the gentlemanly way out and let you find out for yourself rather than hurling threats, granted he is hurt, but he doesn't control you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Take care and God bless!
K