It really does seem like everything that could go wrong has happened or is a distinct possibility in the near future. I'm 23 and have been married 3 years. We had dated all through high school and married while in college, dispite all the warnings that came with marrying young. All was fine until last July when my wife's doctor told us we had a 12 month window to have children or she risked the possibility of not having kids. Of course we began trying to get pregnant and did soon thereafter. Unfortunately, she lost the baby, twins we later found out, in early August. After that, she began a change that has almost completely ruined our marriage. A little after her miscarriage, her ex boyfriend began calling her. I expressed my feelings that there was no place in our marriage for him (there was a negative history with him), and she told me that she would end the calls. That done, I personally felt that our marriage was as strong as ever, almost that electric infatuation that you feel while dating. A week before my birthday in November, she had planned to go to a concert with one of her friends which was several hours away. I knew her friend and had no problem with it until i got on the web while she was gone and saw that the concert had been cancelled, and later that night found out that her friend was still in town. I was scared and mad all at once, and didn't hear from her for 2 more days until the day she was supposed to be home. I confronted her and she said that she was on her way back from her ex boyfriend's house, an 8 hour drive from where we lived. All of this happened with no warning for me, but it prepared me for what was to come. The calls never stopped. Several times a week i would answer the phone and it would be him. She of course would say that she had no idea why he was calling. Later I would find out that she had a cell phone that she would talk to him on. Four months ago, she told me that she loved me, but was in love with him and always had been. She had never been sexually unfaithful, but unfaithful just the same. The months since the miscarriage had been more than difficult, and this was the worst thing. She had been spending all of her time with her friends, going out until 4 or 5 in the morning without telling me where she was, or not coming home at all. She lied to me about anything that would work to her advantage, and during the whole time, i was in shock. We didn't decorate for Christmas, and there was no love in Valentines. At the end of that month she moved out, saying she needed time to figure out who she was. She said she figured out pretty quickly that I was the one she wanted and not her ex, even though she lied to me again about another trip she took with a new guy friend (and his "family"?). That pretty much put an end to what little trust I had for her. She had given herself 3 months to sort things out, and despite everything, we were convinced that it would work and were supposed to reunite earlier this month. As soon as we did, though, her animosity, lying, and doubt came rushing back. I can tell that just being with me makes her disgusted, yet she says she loves me and can't imagine life without me. Well, I truly feel the same way, but I don't know if I can take the emotional beatings that I've been taking for the past year. She admits that it's her with the problem, that I haven't changed, but we can't get along very well. And, this past week, she told me that she'll likely have to have her ovaries removed, and that children are out of the question. Of course this was a bombshell for both of us, since we shared the same dream of having babies. Now, I know that there are options still available to infertile couples, from adoption to surrogacy, but right now she is adamant that if the baby isn't hers, if she doesn't deliver it herself, that she doesn't want it. I know she may change her mind in time, but the option I want the most doesn't have time. Until the ovaries are removed, she is still ovulating, which means that her eggs could be harvested and fertilized by me and allowed to gestate inside of a surrogate mother. It would still be biologically our baby. She won't consider it, and in this case, time is of the essence. I desperately want children in my life, and this is the last chance for us to have a biological baby together. Even so, our marriage is in serious trouble, and I have no idea what direction to go. At this point in our relationship, my desire to have children outweighs my desire to be with the woman I love who has no regard for me whatsoever. Any advise or words of wisdom?
