Hey Still~

Great to hear from you again.
Sounds like life is going well and fast for you!
It's amazing that another weekend has flown by, and we are in to a new week, again, and, it's October!
Gosh, it's frightening.

Wow!! I bet you were so surprised to hear your D say that. They do surprise us sometimes don't they.
My oldest is so accepting, and loves everyone. My younger one, you have to earn your way in to her heart.
She has surprised me before too. She is the one to hold back. When I mentioned to her once that the guy I had been dating and I may go out again, she said, "that's what were hoping for" I was shocked. And like you, it scared me for my girls to be so attached to him.
I'm so afraid of another failure, and for them to be in the midst of it.
I understand what you are saying!

The weekend was nice. Friday night I went to dinner with my girlfriend, and Sat night I my man friend over for dinner. Needless to say, I need to watch my dinners! They will be sneaking up on me! It was my weekend with the girls, and they enjoyed his company too.
Sunday we went to church and put out Halloween decorations.

It's been cooler here, a sure sign of fall. Hate whats next!

I'm glad things are going pretty well for you and your kids. I'm sure your still adjusting to all of that.

I'm still tinkering with the job thing. I talked to her today, to find out exactly what they are thinking as far as time.
I'm really concerned with getting my girls home after school. We live too close for them to ride the bus, and too far for them to walk in bad weather. It's a never ending!

Take care. Write when you can.

K.

Hi Karona-

Sorry I haven't written, but it has been nuts here lately. I keep waiting for things to slow down, but they sure don't seem to be showing any signs of it.

How have you been? How are things going with the man? I can't believe it's been almost a week since you wrote and I am finally responding. My computer at home is acting up and I don't have time at work, so I am sorry if I seem to be blowing you off.

Things here are going okay. I had a really rough week. It was very busy at school and home. At school I feel very overwhelmed with the new curriculum and trying to get on top of things. On top of that I feel like I am constantly attending meetings so my time is alwasy consumed.

At home I feel like the kids and I are now cramming things in that we used to be able to do more leisurely. I know they are only with their dad a couple of extra nights a week, but it seems like they are always gone. I am adjusting to this, but not liking it. The kids seem to be doing okay, but they do ask if they have to stay at their dad's so much. I try to be encouraging, but it is difficult when I really want them with me too. I feel like such a hypocrite.

Of course the XH and I had issues over money this week as well. It is the first week in our new support arrangement. Well, as expected my XH remembered everything that benefitted him, but forgot a few things he was now responsible for. It must have left him shorthanded because he suddenly claimed I owed him some money so I had to take the time to prove to him that I didn't. It's so irritating dealing with him. He is such a piece of work. It doesn't help to know that he has wifey to support his every move and push his already nutzy agendas!

Then we have also squabbled as he is taking our son hunting for a week. Because of this I asked for a night with my son to catch up when he got back. Well, it falls on my XH's time and you would have sworn I asked to keep him permanently! So much for the fact that I am letting him take him on my time. In the end he went along with it, but he had to put in yet another round of jabs at me saying I am not repspectful of his time, etc., etc. I really despise this man!

I have this weekend to myself. The kids are with their dad and my BF is out west hunting. It has been nice, but not nearly as productive as I had envisioned. I am really enjoying the down time and haven't done much of anything, well, that's not really true either. I have done a lot of socializing and catching up with a couple of girlfriends during the nights, but I haven't been very energetic about getting my housework and schoolwork done.

What did you decide about the job? I really don't know what to tell you on this one. I think it has to be your personal decision as there are pros and cons to it that only you can weigh.

Well, I better run. I can't wait to hear from you.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still~~

Sounds like your life is pretty busy these days.
Don't feel bad about not getting back to me as quickly as you used to.
But, I would like to keep in touch with you though.

So, your X is still the same butt he has been.
Well, so has mine. They just never seem to let us down do they.
It amazes me, that I actually cried, and begged for mine not to leave me.
To think of that now, makes me ill!

I bet the two of them would be each others greatest fans!

Mine pulled a neat one this past week.
My oldest needs a new winter coat this year. Just so happened, she needed a fall one too.
I bought her the fall jacket. I said that it would be nice if dad would help out and get her the winter coat.
The last time I got her one, she was in 5th grade, she is now in 8th.
Anyway,
He protested a bit, said he wanted to see the other one on her to see if it still fit.
Then he agreed to get her one, BUT, it will be her ONE and ONLY birthday gift, AND it's to last her through High School graduation!
Is he clueless or what??

The latest news from him is that he and lovey are getting married in the Spring.
My innocent daughter, says to them, I bet I know what your wedding song will be....
"I'm a Redneck Woman"
I guess his woman loves that song, but ohhhh, can you even imagine what they thought when my D says this.
I'm sure honey didn't think too kindly on it.
I about fell down laughing!

Will your BF be back for this weekend? Hope so, sounds like you miss him a bit.

I have still been going out with the same guy.
It's much better this time, still.
There doesn't seem to be pressure, and I don't see him all the time.

As far as the job, I told my friend today I couldn't do it.
Last I spoke to her, they wanted me 30 hours a week and I would work until 5.
I feel if I'm going to start working again, I need to gently move into it, not near full time off the bat.
I still had concerns about working for a friend too.
I got called on Monday for my oldest daughter. She wasn't feeling well. That pretty much made my decision for me.
When she gets sick, I run. I know with a job, I don't have the flexibility.

Things are going pretty well here.
It was good to hear from you again.
Hope your doing well, and I will look forward to hearing from you again.

K>

Hi Karona-

I really miss talking to you on a regular basis and am glad that you too would like to keep this going.

Your XH is a piece of work! How cruel to make a needed jacket your daughter's only birthday present. What an @$$!!!!!!! They are so lucky to have you. I on the other hand am currently dealing with just the opposite. The new wife is intent on proving that anything I have they can have so rather than split the costs and share things like shoes, boots, jackets, etc. We are buying doubles of everything. I told my XH this is nuts and he agreed, but said he needed to convince her. It's like duh?

I totally hear you on the job decision. 30 hours is a huge jump and you need to be there for your girls, especially in light of the louse their father is being. Furthermore, you seem to be getting out a lot more so you have adult conversation and the outlets you were seeking. I know that I wouldn't work right now if I didn't have to.

I myself, am still really busy, but am also really busy trying not to focus on this whole custody change, etc. There are some benefits to it as I do have more time to myself, which I think is a good thing for all of us, but overall I find it really stinks. The kids are complaining little by little and there is nothing I can do. I feel very badly as I don't like it either.

As predicted the new wife is doing everything. The kids talk openly how she does everything and how Dad watches, or takes naps because he works so much. It seems the only time he is involved is when they are doing something fun. Funny, where have I seen this before? The tradeoff however is that she rules the roost. I have always known her to be very rigid, but each time the kids are with her I get to hear about a new rule imposed at their house. I wonder if the two of them ever stop to notice that although they have gained more time with the kids, they are slowly alienating them with their actions.

As a result of the reduced child support payment the new wife was able to quit her job and go back to substitute teaching. Now since neither she or my XH are available to pick up after school, and I let them know that I am no longer available on their nights, her parents take turns picking the kids up. I suppose they want her to sub. as it is really the only way to get your foot in the door up here and they are probably hoping to get her as independent as possible in case my XH reverts to past practices, but I find it interesting how many people are willing to cover his butt. I can't really complain though. Her parents are very nice people with none of her insecurities around me so I actually would rather see them.

To further the point of his laziness and her controlling, someone saw them shopping the other day. They said she was doing everything while he just wandered around doing whatever. Well, I guess this went on for a while when she let on pretty loudly that they were there to shop together and he better get to helping as she was sick of always doing everything. Oh the sounds of true love and happily ever after!

I am glad to hear that things continue to go well for you and the man. It seems that you have found the balance you were looking for and it seems to be working. I am very happy for you!

I don't know if I will see my BF this weekend or not. He is still gone and I have no real contact with him. To top it off, he wasn't sure which day he was going to head back, he only knew that he had to be back to work this coming Monday. It must be nice! I do miss him, but luckily have been so busy that the time has gone quickly. However, I already have girl plans next weekend so if I don't see him this weekend it will end up being five or six weeks that will pass altogether until we get together and that is another story! Oh the joy of long distance relationships!

So, that said I am not sure what the weekend holds. My son will be gone with his dad, so it's a girls' weekend. Hopefully we can connect with my BF. If not, I guess we'll just kick back and enjoy the down time!

How about you? Any big plans? Your life seems much more exciting than mine lately!

Well, I better run. It was great hearing from you.

Take care and God bless!
K

PS - newly, if you read this, how are you doing? I see you post often, but haven't talked to you personally. I also haven't found myself with any great advice lately. That combined with home computer problems have really limited my contact here. I hope you are out of the slump from a while back and things are looking up. I'd love to hear from you! It's getting closer and closer to December when you'll be in Chicago.

Hi Still,
It's your long lost buddy!

So sorry it has been so long since I have gotten back to you.
Life seems to be in full speed ahead.

Lets see....
Things with X seem to be quiet for the moment.
Glad for that!

I have had a couple fun weekends.
A couple weeks ago, I went with the man to a casino. We call it our Redneck weekend, because it just seemed like everywhere we went, there were like hicks. It was funny.
It was first experience with the slots. Have to say, I was not impressed.

This past weekend I had a sorority Halloween party. Dress up and everything. There were 12 of us in all. So, we went as the Calendar Girls.
With clothing.
We had a blast.
The next night, my man and I went to a comedian show. It was pretty good. It was a fun weekend.

My kids are doing well, surviving school.

Last week, I called my friend, the one that had offered the job. I told her I couldn't accept. Only for her husband to call me and try to convince me. So, I went for an interview, and told him my concerns as far as my girls and being available to them.
I told him if I could do an 8 to 2 the 3X a week they wanted me, then I would give it a try.
Well, thats what is going to happen starting tomorrow.
It's all happening so fast, I don't have time to get nervous.
I'm already feeling the crunch of inconenience though.
This Friday my youngest gets out early for a party, and I'm sweating that.
Not to mention I already had plans for T-giving.
Hmmmm, guess thats what the working world is all about.

Anyway,
Fill me in when you can. I would love to hear from you.

K.

Ok, you got me. I still check in to see how you are both doing. I'm doing well. Life is busy, but isn't that normal for all of us. I know I am blessed to have my two DD's in my life, and just the thought makes me smile.

This past weekend, I got together with two other MBer's which was really nice. Wish met GreenGables and I for a night out. What a gentleman! And I don't think we scared him too much.
I waited to make my flight arrangements for Chicago and the airfare has gone up alot. I'm still coming out on Christmas day. Are we going to meet?

Hey Newly,

Glad you are doing well, and enjoying your girls!

You are most welcome to join in anytime with us.

Glad you got together with a couple of the people from here, How Neat!

Hope you get to meet Still.

Thanks for chiming in!
K.

Hello ladies-

It was nice to hear from both of you. As you can see I have been busy too. So much for the days of daily MB chit chats! I am glad to hear you are both doing well. I wish I could say the same, but I seem to have found myself in a real funk lately.

As predicted my XH is the main source of it. Now that he has gained more placement that doesn't seem to be good enough and he seems to be out to convince people that I am not nearly the parent they are. It's a bunch of little stuff and people aren't buying it, but the idea that I have to continually put up with it really is getting to me. It's stuff like the child care provider having to tell him that he owed the payment for some after school care he had requested and him saying, "Oh, I'm really sorry I assumed K would pay it as it was her weekto pay." Knowing full well it was his responsibility per our agreement. Or doing stuff that he knows is against policies or rules and then saying to the child care provider and teachers, "I hope that's okay, K assured me it would be no problem." Like I said, they are on to him, but it really gets to me.

Then I've got the little twit he calls a wife that I would just love to strangle. To all of you who have X's with trampy, non-interested women, I would love to trade places! I have the insecure wanna-be-mom control freak to deal with. Everything is a competition with her and the less I bite the more in my face she gets. The kids say she drives them crazy with all her rules and their dad just lets her do it.

Just yesterday I ran into a mutual aquaintance who asked how the kids and I were adjusting with the change. I said we were doing okay, but I was seeing more acting out and other stuff that I hadn't seen since the initial separation. She then added that she really felt for my kids because she wouldn't wish their new stepmother on anyone. When I asked her to clarify she said that the new wife is very controlling and is not the warm nuturing person she would like everyone to believe she is. She said the whole house is run on her terms and it is not very kid tolerant. Just what I wanted to hear! She said that she keeps my XH on a really short leash, but that he is getting sick of it and starting to stand up to her which is causing problems. I told her that I wouldn't know about that because they always present a truly united front in my presence to which she said that I shouldn't be fooled by appearances.

Then in my personal life things have been going down hill as well. With my new parenting schedule and all, I have been doing a lot of soul searching as to what I want, etc. and am finding myself facing the fact that for all the good things I have with him, I do not see my relationship with my BF being what I want. He of course is upset with me, but when I talk about what I want and need and how our present arrangement isn't working mainly because of his working so much and try to come up with some compromises he wants nothing of it saying stuff like this is who I am, this is what I have always done, if I was truly committed to him I wouldn't have a problem, etc. He actually reminds me a lot of your man Karona. When you ended stuff with him the first time he got so defensive. That is what I am seeing now. You know, deep down I would like the things work with my BF, but it requires some changes and I don't see them happening, therefore, I have had to ask myself what I really want and what I want is a lot different than I have now. Anyway, the situation has me down.

I don't know, maybe it is just me needing to adjust to all the changes in my life, I don't know. I just want things to settle down. I want a nice comfy life, comfortable, but not extravagant and someone to share it with. I am tired of always doing stuff by myself and taking care of myself. Sure I can do it, but I don't want to anymore?

Also, how long will you be in Chicago newly? I get my kids back on Christmas day so this is not looking good. I may have to start looking at getting out east!

Thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any suggestions please let me know.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still and Welcome Back!!

I was so excited to read your post, but felt bad for you when I did.

Things sound some what crappy right now for you.
I think my life is headed towards something of the same also.

The girls came home the other night from their dads, and I guess he and honey had a fight. I may have included that in the last post.
About the girls sticking up for each other, and her daughter being left out.

Well, Friday eve. I had an email from him.
He is complaining about medical costs. My oldest does have needs as I have mentioned, and he is at a point where he now has to pay 15% for anytime she goes to the doctor. (Which I can't imagine can amount to much).
And giving me a hard time because my youngest needs a retainer for her overbite.

Well, I have accepted this job.
I have not felt 100% confident with this whole thing, but thought I would give it a try.
With this latest email, I'm starting to think that he just may take me back to court to adjust child support.
It's just a hunch, and I hope I'm wrong, but funny how this whole medical thing has come up right as I get a job.
I will have a fit as I wasn't sure about this whole job thing, and that would put me in a position to have to work should he take back money.
Any thoughts??

I'm very sorry to hear about your wondering about your BF.
I don't know what to say.
The long distance thing would be so hard.
Maybe your at a point where you are ready for a relationship that is closer to you on more a daily basis than every other weekend.
It's so hard.
I have had a few people tell me this should be the time of my life. I should be enjoying every moment, but, I'M NOT!

I'm still dating that same guy. But, I still see it as a dead end. There is still just something that doesn't feel like the forever thing.
I can't stand the thought of telling him again, but I won't stay with him forever for his sake either.
It's hard, for sure!

That's amazing about your X's home. Don't you get a little thrill though, just knowing that there is not total bliss for them? Excpet for the fact that your children are involved, I would hate that.

Our X's should have a little discomfort!

Take care. Write when you can.

K>

Hi Karona-

Sorry I have taken so long to get back to you. If you knew how many times I have attempted to, but got interrupted you would faint. Yes, the hurricane my life has turned into continues!

So could there be trouble in paradise for your XH. Good for your girls sticking up for each other. They are sisters and they should. My own kids can fight like cats and dogs, but boy do they stick together like glue when an outsider, even good friends go after one of them. Then you've got the whole idea of blended families which is so sticky. Don't get me wrong, I don't want it to sound like I really consider the little love shack your XH has going on to be a family, I just mean in terms of mixing the kids it is blended. I have a little girl in my class who is going through a lot of problems with her dad's OW's children. It has gotten to the point where she doesn't want to go to her dad's for anything but short visits because of the forcing of the blended family on these kids.

Your XH is also a piece of work about the medical issues. I think it is way more than a coincedence that you take this job and he brings up the bills. It's like so much for making a better life for yourself and the kids. I feel the same way, now that my support has been reduced. It's like each year I do better for myself the support will be reduced. So much for seeing improvement in lifestyle for the kids and I, it will only mean improvement in income for my XH. The kids and I will stay stuck where we are, it will simply over time become my whole responsibility.

Thanks for your kind words of support. Things are getting better in most areas. I feel I have weathered the storm with my XH and am adjusting well to the changes. The kids are complaining more than ever, but I really can't do anything about it as there really isn't anything horrible that my XH is doing, it's just not home for them. I have ignored all his comments to others about me misinforming him, etc. As a result they seem to have stopped. I talked to him briefly yesterday about a few things and she was waiting in the car out of view. My XH was talking and joking once again like we are best friends. Yet in her presence I get the total cold shoulder. It is such a joke!

School is calming down too. After a quarter of adjusting and feeling things out I feel like I am making the grade mine and adapting things to my style. I don't know why I never seem to be able to do that right off the bat. I have administration, peer, parent, and student supported evidence that I am a good teacher, yet whenever I make a switch rather than jump in in my own way I tend to try to fit with the former teacher's style. Of course I never follow anyone with my style so it is awkward. I guess it's a confidence thing that I am working to get over.

Things with the BF are not going any more smoothly. We are both at hectic times career wise and now it is hunting to boot. The distance is really hindering us as we can't even get together for dinner or something small to tide things over. He openly admits that our relationship is being neglected, but so far hasn't done anything to attempt healing the neglect. He wants to take me away on a vacation a month from now, a vacation I have been wanting for two years now, yet one that he has never been able to fit into his schedule before. The problem is that due to conflicting schedules it will be the first time I have seen him in two months. Actually I will see him on Thanksgiving, but that is with the kids and a whole mess of people so all our issues will be forced on the backburner. I see the vacation as a peace offering and band-aid on our situation. He feels I am being difficult.

I don't know, right now with the way things have been going a month seems like a lifetime. I know on one hand that I am being difficult, but on the other I feel like I have hit my breaking point and have seen us cycle back to this spot too many times before. The hardest part is that I do love him and we get along great when we are together, but I need more of a relationship and I need to be more of a priority. I know that he and I have very different view points on this and that is what is making it so difficult. That and the fact that I have a terrible time ending relationships. It's like I can't seem to end them and put them out of their misery, but instead watch them dwindle to nothing. I don't like it, I don't understand why I do it, but I keep doing it.

I am glad you are having fun with your man/ I am sorry to hear you say that you don't see it turning into anything, but maybe that's alright too. These things happen for a reason you know.

Well, I better head to work. Write back when you get the time.

Take care and God bless!
K

It was so good to hear from you Still.
I think of you often, and always hope that you and your children are doing well.
Glad to hear that you all are!

Yes, I'm seeing how rocky this blended family can be. I'm finally seeing that it is NOT all perfect.
When the girls discribed the scene to me, I have to say, I took some pleasure in it.
For me to know, that this woman is NOT ALL that he made her out to be does make me smile.
I really don't care much any more about them and their relationship.
But, for him to have given me the list of how wonderful she was, and how she didn't expect anything....on and on, I hope his eyes are wide open NOW.

That is exactly how I am feeling right about now. I'm trying this job out, and thought that maybe after Christmas, I could get a new couch. I have our old one, which is 18 years old.
But, I have to say, I'm very concerned that he may pull something on me.
There are no guarantees when it comes to him, and the one he loves so dearly that doesn't have expectations.

Sounds like your X is still the butt he has been. Hes all happy cause he got his way. Just like a little kid eh?!
His wife must be a real gem!
I feel for your kids.

I'm glad school is going better for you. I can't imagine taking over someones class. I'm sure you do feel like you need to follow to some extent.
I'm equally as sure though, that your style is probably a plus, and maybe the grade/class could benefit from your way/style.
I always felt for the teachers at our school that have gotten shifted around. My youngests K. teacher got moved to PreK, and the following year, to 1st.
I thought, how in the world do you become successful when you get moved around.
She seems to do well, but I do see where it would be hard.

HMMMM, I don't know what to say about your relationship.
I am hearing from you, that you are ready for a more day to day relationship.
Maybe the distance worked in the beginning, but now you have healed enough, and you are ready to move to something more permanent.
Your BF seems to be a little selfish when it comes to the hunting thing.
I'm not trying to put him down, but it seems to me that if you are in love, and get along so well, that he would want to spend a weekend with you when you are free.
I hope it all works out happily for you.
You are such a positive person, and seem to have so much to offer, I want you to be happy.

I know what you mean about ending relationships.
Like I said, I don't see this relationship I'm in as being long term.
I have enjoyed it more this time because I have continued to go out with my friends.
That takes the pressure off.
I can not pinpoint what it is about him that makes me feel the way I do.
He honestly treats me so well.
But, he loses himself in it, and I think thats what turns me off.
He is SO attentive to me, it's almost too much.
Like, little breathing room.
And, to put it bluntly,
I feel like I offer him crumbs, and he is there to take the pieces.
I have told him over and over, that I want to date if given the opportunity.
He says, we can date, and if that should happen, you can do that too.
If someone told me this, I would say, GOODBYE!
You know what I mean?
Why is it that, it's good enough for him to want this from me. He should want more for himself than what I offer him.

I feel it would be fair for me to end it with him, again, but I hate to hurt him, again.
I do have fun with the way we are dating now, but I don't feel it's fair to continue when I'm almost sure that it will not lead to permanent.

I hope for both of us, we get our relationships all figured out one day.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
You are a good friend to me.

If our lives get so busy again, and it's a while before we talk again, I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Take care Still,
K.

Hi Karona-

It's me, your long lost friend. I can't believe it has taken me so long to get back to you, I really have no excuse, well unless you count being really busy and pretty bummed as of late, but really no good excuse and I apologize for that.

How are you? How is the job going? Have you settled into the routine of working? A new couch sounds nice, I too am furniture shopping as mine is literally falling apart, but it is so expensive! How are things going with your man friend? Have you met any other interesting people? How has that pain of an XH been lately? Hopefully no new problems.

I myself have had a rocky time as of late, but I think I am pulling myself out of it. I was really in a rut, and things just piled up, but I have been digging myself out and feel a lot better.

Nothing has changed with my XH, but I sense a lot of tension on their homefront. I really don't care, but am just hoping it won't effect the kids. The older two have been making a lot of sarcastic comments about their stepmother lately. My six year old has been sharing details of things she overhears, and my youngest is back to hating them, going there, etc. Of course the more the kids fight stuff the harder their dad pushes.

The youngest was choosing not to talk to him when he called, typical for a three year old, anyhow, she has now been told that if she won't talk to him she will have a time out when she goes to his house the next time and lose "priveleges". Yes, she can say the word, but hello? do they really believe she comphrehends? It goes on and on.

I got a letter the other day typed supposedly by my XH - yeah right he can't even find the keys on the keyboard, that went on about my need to accept the new wife's position in our kids life, etc., etc. The letter came as a result of me scheduling my mom watch our youngest one day when our child care provider is unavailable. My mom you may remember is my youngest's other caretaker, watching her already two days a week. My XH is working the day in question, and his wife is supposedly actively seeking substitute teaching jobs, so my mom seemed the reasonable choice. Anyway, that set her off and I got the letter. I just shrug this stuff off as it is getting ridiculous.

No real change in the boyfriend area. We are still together and attempting to work on things, but I am becoming less and less optimistic. I know I am withdrawing, and I just don't see it changing. I am finding a change in my boyfriend. He is accepting his responsibility, etc., but as far as working on it or changing things I see only talk, not action, and talk is cheap.

What are you up to this weekend? It is opening weekend of hunting season and I am all alone. Last night I went with a group of eight women to a small town near here where a couple of the women had grown up. It's a tradition for us to go there and hit the town. We had a blast, but I got home too late. I have a couple of friends that want to go out tonight too, but I am getting too old for this!

Do you have any big plans for Thanksgiving? I don't. The kids will be with their dad and I am not certain what I am doing yet.

Well I better run, I have a house to clean. I am sorry for being away for so long, but have been thinking of you a lot. Write back when you get a chance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Take care and God bless!

K

OK, I'm jumping in again.
About the babysitting issue.
Look up the Right of First Refusal.
Many of us use this concept. It means that if the parent is unavailable to watch the kids on their time, they first ask the other parent. (if 2 hours or more).
Since X wasn't available, it's your choice to find alternate care. The SM is not the other parent. But if you want to make nice with X, as him if he will make arrangements with NW if this ever happens again.

MOst likely it won't.

Hi newly-

Thanks for popping in. How are you doing?

We do have right of first refusal, well, at least it's in our agreement. I however am the only one who complies with it as my XH never calls me and I only find out about things after the fact. Furthermore, my XH considers he and his new wife "one" so he feels that it applies to both of them no matter how many attorneys, etc. have told him otherwise.

He simply wants to make problems and therefore I refuse to get upset and give him the satisfaction, neither of them are worth it.

It was nice to hear from you.

Take care and God bless!
K

Newly, your always welcome, it's never a butt in!
Hope you are doing well!

Still,

It was so good to hear from you.
I miss talking to you.

Sounds like you had quite the time with your friends. I wish I lived near you. I would go with you. But, I have to agree, one night would be plenty! I'm getting too old to do two in a row.

I'm going out with two friends tonight. The one, is my age (40) and she just had a baby last week.
YIKES!
I don't think it will be a big night by any means, but it's out with the girls.

I have still been seeing my guy friend. OHH, how I'm still confused about him.
I will always stand true that he is wonderful to me, and so thoughtful. BUT, there is that part of me that feels like I need to explore.
Now, that is easier said than done, as the men my age want the 20 somethings. I never get glances I swear.
It doesn't help being from WV either. It's more a family town, and the singles that are available seem to be because of what my X did.

As far as the X, he seems to be holding a low profile these days.
He has pulled some dandies, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Your X and wife seem to be up to the same ole. I guess that will never change. Amazing!
I'm sorry your kids have to live it though. I'm sure you could give a rat's --- about him and her, but your kids have to live it and thats the hard part.

I'm sorry about your boyfriend Still. I think your ready for more of a day to day relationship. That distance is so hard. I hope everything irons out for you, soon.

The job is going pretty well. I'm starting to like it a bit better. I got my first check, that may be the reason.
The dictation has been a challenge, but I'm getting it. I'm almost enjoying that part.

The girls are doing well.
We will travel to Ohio for T-giving. That is one thing my X gave up. ALL HOLIDAYS. That's how bad he wanted his woman. He gave up his kids for the rest of his life on every holiday.
It's great for me, but I can say pitiful for him.

Take care,
Again, it was great to hear from you.
K.

Hi Karona-

How was your night out with the girls? I can't believe your friend made it out with a 1 week old - WOW! I snuggled in and watched t.v. It was actually very relaxing.

I guess we just have to live with the fact that our XH's will never be the men we'd like them to be and pray that they don't continue to be the pains they are for the rest of their lives. I can't believe your XH gave away all holidays. How pathetic! Actually mine did the same the year we were separated, but as the divorce grew nearer he demanded equal time, which in WI he then automatically gets and as soon as we were divorced he included his now wife in everything.

I'm glad to hear that the job is working out. Yes, the paycheck always seems to help!

I hear you about feeling there is something more out there, but yet enjoying what you have enough to not want to end it yet. I guess that I am at the point of wanting more and realizing that I may never get it in this relationship or at least not for a long time. Then there are his priorities and they are totally different than mine. In the past few months we have had very little time together and I guess I am growing to value my time alone without all the rushing around traveling here and there. This combined with a sudden comfort with the idea of being alone while I search for what I really want has me confused. I mean what if Mr. Right is out there and I am missing him because I am committed to a relationship that seems to be stuck and going nowhere? I do find it very difficult to be the relationship ender though. Who knows, hunting is ending shortly and I guess I will give it a little time past that to see if I can see any real improvements.

I better get going, I have a few things to do around the house.

Talk to you soon. Have fun in Ohio. When do you leave?

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Karona-

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are well on your way to a wonderful Christmas as well.

Nothing really new here. Life continues to be really hectic, but we are definately into our new groove with all the visitation changes. It has taken two months, but I can feel things settling down. Of course there continues to be issues with my XH, mostly stirred up by his wife, but I have set up new boundaries and they are working well for me. I refuse to fuel their little soap opera. They made their bed, now it's their turn to lay in it, just leave me out of it!

Things are going a bit better with my BF. We ave had some very in depth discussions and I am seeing improvement. I guess only time will tell.

I went shopping with my mom yesterday and ordered a new couch and loveseat. I am so pumped! It was really weird to go and pick out something and not having to worry if anybody else liked it. It was very liberating!

Well, I better go and do some more decorating. I'd love to hear from you if you get some time.

Take care and God bless!
K

Could I join this thread? It's more about you guys and day to day stuff rather than huge life stuff...we are all in the "getting on with things and life" mode and I am here with you on that!

Most definately Peachy! We would love to talk to you.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~

I have thought about you a ton!
And hoped your Holiday went well also.
My mom came for a whole week. That is always a life changer. But, it was all good.

So funny you mention the furniture. I have been contemplating new also. The girls will go with their dad for a few days. I have thought about getting it and surprising them for when they come home. But, I think I really need to wait until after the Holidays. I will let you know if I change my mind.
I'm happy for you though, and your purchase. You go girl!!

Glad to hear the upbeat news on your BF. I was worried for you for awhile. Things just seemed kind of bummy. Glad to hear you have gottent things straightened out.

The job is still going well. I have had 3 paychecks now. Funny thing, I don't feel like I have gotten any extra money. So far it has all been needed. Life works in strange ways!

Peachy, You are most welcome here. Still and I have missed you!

Have a good night, talk to you soon.
K.