Here is a little background which is really comical, check this out. I guess I am just venting but maybe a few experienced MB'ers will lend some thoughts. I will say I have no inclination to work on the M and neither does she.

My wife has been out of state working for the last few months...originally when she started this we were together but I had suspicions that she was up to something. Of course, I was right.

Anyway, we filed for D jointly on June 14. This was after I caught her in another lie in May and told her we were done. I had been building up to this and will not bore everybody with my story but feel free to read up on me.

I avoided my wife the previous weekend to when we filed by staying with a friend. She was calling over the course of the weekend and I was not returning her calls. Finally, we spoke the morning of June 14th and she asks me as she is walking in with the D paperwork-anything else you want to say prior to me turning the papers in? No, just get me a copy!

Well, 2 weeks ago she mentioned she would be returning for a few days (she had not been home since June 14th). I had no idea why she was returning, I figured something related to her high paid career/job.

Well, she came Saturday and left this morning..talk about bizarro!!!

I arrived at home Saturday morning after hitting the gym and prior to our meeting with a real estate agent. She had already been crying for some reason (I had started packing my things in the basement) and we met with the agent. I then proceed to leave quickly after changing my shirt in our bedroom as she watched. She wondered what were my plans and I told at this point I would be staying in the home...she did not reveal to me what her plans were. I quickly left.

She called late Saturday to ask a basic home related question and then again called late Sunday and left a msg on my cell phone.

Now she calls late Monday and tells me she has friends over and not to come home until 6:30 which is the time of another RE agent meeting. I ask why, she says she is uncomfortable with me here with her friends and this escalates accordingly with me telling her I have a right to enter my home anytime I choose...she finally says she will get a Restraining Order if I come home before 6:30! I ended up hanging up and heading home at 6:15.

We then meet with the RE agent, he leaves and we begin chatting about what to do with the home (we are selling it). She gets all emotional as we discuss our dogs and a few other issues (she complains to me crying that my L told her L that "she is the shining star and we are going to take her for every penny")...crazy stuff, my L would never be antagonistic. She also now tells me she is moving out and has proceeded over the weekend to take some stuff to storage, she is not comfortable here with me, etc. Good, I am really glad she is going.

Anyway, we talk a little further, she comments on my great tan and I leave.

She then calls 2 hours later and very softly speaks to me and says she thought she may have cut me off earlier and wanted to know if I have anything else to talk about...I say no.

I had always been the one trying to save this and basically gave up after the last incident of being lied to....and then went basically dark, no phone calls from me, she calls 1-3 times/week, talk is mostly business at hand with a little personal inquiry here or there. She did spend time with her GF this past weekend and did not mention anything about us getting back together. And, she is now dating this OM..she previously had an A with a different person last year...and it may have continued through the spring (at least emotionally).

She also has shot me down every time I played an interest in trying to work at this..so I finally gave up, I know there are better Fish out there than this selfish, independent woman...I was basically treated like the 3rd dog over the last year. Maybe I tried to rush things too much, who knows, read my story if you care to.

I should also add that when she was with her GF over the weekened, she was asking what I have been up to and where have I been...her friend told her she did not know. It must be getting to her that I no longer appear needy/clingy, no calls, etc. I have moved on and no longer need her or her frickin' $.

About this new OM....she originally was just talking with this guy last year (who is back east)...while she was in a EA/PA with a married co-worker. So, the M dude apparently dumped her as he was not going to leave his W last year for her.

So, when she started this out-of-state temp role, she of course began calling this OM, who is single. Well, they apparently had a big blowup about 3 weeks ago and now are back together, I guess. But I am sure during the course of last year and this year she was eating up all of the love and attention I was giving..all sorts of presents, dinners, etc...and I also believe the M guy was still pursuing her.

So, there I was, the steady eddy type of guy, maybe too predictable...and now I am not there, she no longer has contact with the M guy, and already has a big blowup with the new guy.

It will be interesting to see how she implodes over the next 12 months. Just a guess, but she has so many problems that I can only imagine she will be used/abused by many once they really see who she is.

So, glad to see she is gone as she just left this morning. How bizarre! To go from threatening me with a Restraining Order to 3 hours later wondering if I had anything else to say!!

Thanks for reading and any comments are appreciated. It has been a rough few days with her antics. I guess she really is a controlling B**& and now she knows she no longer has me to whip around and is p'ed off.

Nature

Well, I have no advice or insight to offer. But it does sound bizarre. Was she always like this? Best of luck to you.

Woah! All D's are pretty wierd, they all have thier own ugliness, but one thing I can tell you, is they are all interesting to read!

I don't have any advice for you other than hang in there. It's going to be rocky for awhile. Especially since she's finding out that "damn, I gave up a great thing!"

I keep hoping my H will realize that, but no, he's still off doing his thing while being socked for the cost of D.

At this point I know I'm better off without him, and I'm sure you know that you're better off without her. This was a definate vent post!

People AMAZE me with the things they do, and to be truthful, I have amazed myself at some of the crap I have done. Just totally out of my character.

I think D does that to everyone. Throws them into emotions they never let loose on before.

I don't even think I know who the hell my H is now. He's totally different than who he used to be. He probably thinks the same thing about me "who the hell is that crazy broad I married?!"

I wish none of us had to learn about ourselves in such a harsh manner, but we're here, and we're learning and growing from the experiences and trials we have to deal with in life.

Hang in there, the worst is yet to come!

Thanks for the replies. I guess I am just looking for others out there who may have gone through similar situations.

In response to GG, no, she was not like this at all. Money, success and power changed a somewhat "I want to be the center of attention, it's about me most of the time" type of woman into a hugely selfish, self-centered, all about me and money/big jewelry type of person. Very materialistic and $$$ oriented. She criticized me for not having enough ambition (I am happy with what I am doing but don't make 6 figures like she does), managing our checkbook without her involvement (she was always travelling and someone had to do it--she didn't want to) to you name it, she felt she gets more respect from her co-workers than she felt at home, I do not listen to her, etc....always justifying her A this way and never taking responsibility.

Chastesin-I am not sure if she is thinking "damn, I gave up a great thing" or she is just trying to lure me back for her own selfish needs to then dump me again...this sort of happened right before we filed for D and it really hurt. Maybe, she is realizing finally I am gone and no longer want to play her stupid games and feed her ego.

Sorry to hear about your D, you are correct, we are going to be better off once this is all done.

I feel I can hold my head high and have kept my dignity through this...I really have been a gentleman but have now shown a different side to her by going dark and she apparently does not like it.

Yes, the worst is probably yet to come!

Thanks,

Nature

She notifed me yesterday she is moving out of state. Yeahhh!!! Thank God I will not have to see her in the future.

Ugh, don't be surprised if she ends up on your doorstep every month "Hi, I was in the neighborhood...blah blah blah."

Don't be surprised if her plans don't go through somehow and she stays.

Because ultimately, she probably just wants you to come running out and scoop her up "please don't go I love you mwah mwah!" Like some cheasy romance novel.

I think she has a complex that a lot of people have. Especially those that do the leaving. It's called "mine."

They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to want you either. They want you to sit around and pine for them to feed thier egos and when you don't do that, they take drastic measures to try to get it back.

That's what happens when you love someone and leave them. The love doesn't go away. Then, your brain starts playing tricks on you. "Huh? What's going on? He was just right there!" She's probably real confused right now.

But hey, doesn't mean you have to be. Or that you even have to care. Moving on is the best thing for us to do.

I wish I could move on and just leave Mr. "Wonderful" in another state. But I have to see that miserable louse almost everyday.

Gotta be friends with him for dd's sake. It SUCKS HARDCORE! But I'm trying.

I can't say as he is, but whatever. I think I'm just aggitated about the D proceedings and how they're going. Gets under my skin.

Anyway, best of luck!

C-thanks for the notes and comments. I never really thought of it that way (the pining and all).

"They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to want you either. They want you to sit around and pine for them to feed thier egos and when you don't do that, they take drastic measures to try to get it back."

I think you are right on, she is wondering what the heck I have been up to as I was plan A'ing right up to the very end....2 dozen roses, champagne, brie, stawberries, etc.

So, I doubt this new idiot she is seeing can talk to her like I could (not that I am personal any more) or treat her like the Queen she was used to.

Her GF did say she is confused, but about what? This is done and over, time to move on baby.

Sorry to hear you have to see him, that must REAL tough. Luckily we have no kids.

Thanks and good luck.

Nature,


Looks like you made it through without much of a setback. Reading over your story I see a striking simularity in that we both feel that our WW's have issues being satisified with what most people would think as a birdnest on the ground. No matter how much we give they always want more.

My WW also makes more $$$ than me and seems to be all about wanting more. Like you I took care of most of the domestic things (cooking, shopping, cleaning, finances, lawncare, ect..) but at the same time was putting as much time into my career as her. I think she felt since she made more money her time was more valuable.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to want you either. They want you to sit around and pine for them to feed thier egos and when you don't do that, they take drastic measures to try to get it back." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree with this statement. I feel my WW also has this mentality and also feel that she realizes that the strings aren't as responsive as they used to be and are very close to being cut.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Well, STBX is moving out of state, thank God. She is taking a new position just like I thought and has moved some stuff out of the home and left last Wednesday to return to her job. She comes back next week and I will avoid her like the plague.

You hit it right on.

"our WW's have issues being satisified with what most people would think as a birdnest on the ground. No matter how much we give they always want more."

I believe her success drove her to think that I, being "the man" should be making more money or have greater ambition. I mean, what is more important, my happiness, money or me? And why would it matter who makes what?

She has always seemed to want more stuff, jewelry and material possessions over the last few years. A big influence I am sure was her GF who married a trophy guy, has lots of money, she does not have to work...and of course has had her own A.

I now know the answer and see how shallow, selfish and dishonest she has become at this point in her life....let along the damage caused by her indiscretions. Damn good thing I never let my guard down because this whole thing would have continued over this summer until I ended our M.

She dropped all of her "real" friends because they were not involved in careers but were raising families.

I was recently in touch with an old roommate of ours (who my WS dropped as a friend about 3 years ago). She was very happy to hear from me and proceeded to tell me a story.

She thought my W would have grown up and not felt the need to attract other men. She said 6 months before our wedding (we were engaged at the time) that they both were at a bar and my STBX was very drunk and was hitting on a guy. My STBX and her got into a big argument in the parking lot and my friend wanted to let me know what happened but STBX told her she loves me and would never act on it, she just wanted to know she could still attract a man...God, how I wish I had known this!!! I would never have M her.

This friend also said about 5 years ago my STBX was complaining about my supposed lack of ambition and inability to make as much money as her. This friend was telling her what's the problem, you have a great guy, house, etc. Why get hung up on the money? Well, these thoughts did not go over well with STBX, and of course she is no longer in touch with this former friend.

It now comes down to the settlement and potential alimony for me since there is quite an income discrepancy and her future earnings potential is huge.

I believe it will get ugly before its over.

Thanks for any other thoughts about this, it helps me.