For those of you that I don't know, HELLO! I'm from the "In recovery" section. I have now made the horrible graduation into Divorcing.

I think it's about time for me to VENT!

Back in April, H tells me he has spyware installed on the computer and "knows I'm being faithful" but also knows A LOT of details about A he didn't want to know. Anyway, we were "working" on it.

Next thing I know I have months of great, wonderful attention and everything is just perfect! Too good to be true. He tells me in May "I faked it all. I can't stand being around you." I am DEVISTATED.

So, we move on to the end of May, he decides he's going to move out so he can "think about us." Exactly 2 days after leaving, he "hooked up" with this girl at work he's had an EA with SINCE April.

Things get phsyical 6 days after he leaves and he tells me about it because his g/f's H beats his [censored] and a police report is filed.

The VERY next day, he doesn't want me anymore, wants nothing to do with me, it's over, ect. So I try to plan A him. Does no good.

Then I ask for support, ask for uncontested D. He agrees, I pay a lawyer to do it, and he backs out. Wants to see what kind of money he can get out of the D proceedings.

So I contact a real lawyer and tell him about it. He in turn, tells me he's going after EVERYTHING and going to bleed me dry because it's going to cost him $2500 to retain a lawyer which his mother paid for.

Well, there's this furnace. My H took out our furnace (in a new house just purchased) and gives it to the OW before I knew anything was going on. Then he installs a new one. Now he wants me to pay for it. I told him NO WAY am I paying for that. He should have left it right where it was.

So now he's fighting for full custody. We go to court last week, end up settling out of court but don't sign anything. So, as usual, he's backing out of the settlement too. So now we have to go BACK to court over it. Ugh.

In the meantime, I have to go to an evaluation by the court to deem who our daughter gets to live with. He lies in the contest for the support order and signs it (like an idiot). Now I have all kinds of proof falling from the sky to prove that he's a big fat liar to the court.

Well, we see each other almost every single day because of our dd. We don't talk about D, just blah blah blah on about nothings.

Today I get the Interrogatories from his lawyer. I look through it and realize I can't answer half of it because it either doesn't apply to me, or he has all the information to fill that out! WTF?!

Anyway, I call him and at least ask for my taxes, since he took everything with him for paid bills, etc. All he brings is a couple of W2's which don't answer any of the questions in this crap. Why am I filling this out again? Oh yeah, I've been sopena'd to do so.

So he gets robbed this week at his appartment. The robbers took all of his DVD's (about 50-60 of OUR collection) and the digital camera (400 bux!) GOD!

I have about HAD IT up to HERE with all of this crap. I have what, 6 more months of this at least?!

To top all of it, he gives my daughter's bed to his g/f to sleep on in HER appartment! What a louse! It was at that point I realized there was absolutely NOTHING left between us as far as relationship wise.

That and the fact I found out he tried to pawn my wedding ring, that was put away for our daughter.

Anyway, that's where I'm at now. Sitting in front of 37 pages of questions and no answers to them. What a bunch of crap.

Right now, he is your worst enemy. Stay away from him as much as possible. I remember once someone saying about our failure to prepare for the 9.11 attacks: "There was a failure of the imagination." Protect yourself, your property, and your D to the extent you can.

He may come out of it, he really may. The shock of an A can result in many crazy behaviors, including a retaliatory affair. If you hold yourself above the fray, not engage in any nastiness no matter what he does, it will make you look better and help your case. And, when negotiation of a settlement, look for win-win not take-as-much-as-I-can-get. If you have that attitude, you'll probably get close to the same and it will make you feel better.
Cherished

Chastesin:

I read this story and all the pain it contains. Both yours and his. In a lot of ways I can feel where your WH is coming from. He's gone over to the dark side of letting revenge control him. Maybe not revenge, maybe he just felt he needed more than he was getting. A lot of times during this process I felt it was all about the WS and their needs, but the fact remains that a BS is in much sorer need of attention than the WS. The WS has had their needs met, whereas the BS has mostly gone on reserves. This has been a constant tug ever since D- Day for me. Not so much at first, as I was focused on plan a. More when I went to plan b. Especially more when I got blindsided with more info regarding the A.

Your H had his last defense's razed when he got blindsided. He's worked and worked at recovering from what he thought was the A, only to find out there was more. This brings back all the pain and fear in spades. It's like D-Day all over again. But this time he's in a different state of mind. I know I've been there.

How many D-Day's a BS handle before giving up is anyone's guess. Especially when one has started, or well into recovery. It gives one a false sense of hope and a BS builds a foundation on that hope.

I don't have a WS's view on this on this, but I do know that the BS needs everything that could possibly become known about the A before they go into recovery. I feel it's the WS's responsibility to ensure that anything and everything that could harm the BS in the future is out there.

Your H got sent back to squared one with a bigger load than before. He got sent there right as he was feeling his journey was ending. So I can see how the mighty have fallen.

I pray for you and your H. I hope one day you both will find peace.

Cherished- Believe me, I found out the hard way that he is my worst enemy right now. But it's good to keep your friends close, your enemies closer as the saying goes.

For my dd's sanity, I have to remain friendly with him. I have all kinds of choice words to call him, but he is also the father of my child.

I have noticed when I look at him now, in person, I don't feel that sadness for him to touch me, that response to want to hug him and hold him just one more time. Now it's "ugh, when is he going to leave?!"

I do dream and fantasize about how things were, how things were when we were happy. It helps me sleep at night (and the whole "not getting any" problem). But looking into his face, I don't see it anymore.

Either it's not there, or I just see too much anger and distrust. It clouds over him when I look at him. I can't trust him to do ANYTHING that isn't painful to me.

I think he likes it. I think he thinks I'm going to roll over and take it. Well, I got news for him. I have emotional support now that he never gave me. I have all of you, I have my family, I have my friends, I have my co-workers, everyone knows EVERYTHING because I have been very honest since Oct.

Everyone feels bad for me, feels bad for him, but still can't understand where he gets off doing what he's doing to me.

THANK GOD FOR MY LAWYER!

If it wasn't for my lawyer, I would still not be recieving child support. I guess I should be getting my first check next week.

He got 9 free weeks, time to start paying up to support our daughter for a change!

Anyway, I gotta jet. Family is waiting for me, to coddle me and let me know I'm still loved, even though I feel like I'm not.

See ya!