Short summary of my story: wife walked away from the marriage emotionally in September 2002; I slept on couch for 9 months then moved out in July 2003; wife bagan using birth control in November 2003 and full-fledged relationship with homewrecker new year; my wife has attempted to fleece me for most of everything and I have been very generous - along with a good plan A for months. Ended plan A around February and started playing hardball. Wife finally tells me she wants a divorce in June.
We are very near on a legal separation agreement (I know, too long coming), but I held things up for months as I was working on the marriage. I finally woke up in February when I found proof of her affair, involved the church leaders, confronted her, etc. To top things off, WW made application for a court order in May, on the day of our 13th anniversary.
Anyway, she has wanted me to pay more than my fair share and made a request two weeks ago that I assume 80 percent of the marital debt and pleaded with me saying "If you have any, any kindmess left in your heart, you will consider this".
Well, that went over like a lead balloon, since I have showed her kindness IMO by moving out of my house without any kind of written agreement; living out of a suitcase for one year (happy anniversary to me); not insisting that I get to use my vehicle (the one she drives which is legally mine) when I have the children on weekends (I have only used it for one week in the entire year); paying $1500 for vehicle repairs for her; paying just about all the bills; paying $1800 to a lawyer I can't afford for a legal separation agreement I do not want, for a divorce I know is wrong; etc.
I am spent, both emotionally and financially. So I called her back this week and left her six long messages (she was not at home), basically telling her that I cannot give her anymore, but that for some reason my first desire is to see if we can reconcile.
I know I should probably be indifferent at this stage, but I had to give it one final, and I mean final, effort before I end it (the marriage, not my life) once and for all.
I guess I am writing this to anyone out there who still has any lingering doubts in their heart that they should attempt to do the right thing, even if their WS does not want it. I told her that I know this probably won't do anything to change her mind, but that I would not be doing the honourable thing if I didn't say it is still not to late for both of us to make a commitment to the marriage.
Anyway, I hope you guys are doing okay through this difficult journey and time in your lives.
Shaken
