Since the no contact order expired June 3, my ex has been calling, but on his best behavior. I've even arranged 3 supervised and 1 unsupervised visit; all of which seemed to go well. We've been talking amicably. So, tonite came as a bit of a surprise.

Out of the blue, my ex got really angry at my fiance' and said he had to stop "bossing around my kids and making them fold the laundry". Then he looked at me and said "I've sold the house and I"m getting the best lawyer in the state to reopen the divorce and get custody. You're on thin ice.....do you really want that to happen?"

I just said I wasn't discussing it right then and we left. He followed me, continuing to threaten me with court.

So, can he really re-open the divorce? I can't afford all those legal fees or the time off work; altho I'm not worried about winning. I have sole custody and he has a several child molestation charges in his background; altho not involving these children. He also works as a truck driver and is gone Mon-Fri; and is $7,000 behind in child support. I work 8 to 1 Mon-Fri and am home for the kids (ages 8, 11, 12). My fiance' does not live with us and while he is a bit stricter than me; is not at all abusive and the kids love to play games and do things with him.....altho they do resent being asked to do chores and help around the house. I"m sure they complained to dad, who is very over protective of them. He once went to school and threatened the gym teacher for making OS run extra laps for not paying attention!

Should I be worried?

Anna,

No, He can't re-open the divorce--but he could re-open the issue of child custody--

And as far as the issue of chores--that is an area you will need to step up to the plate in teaching your kids--

You make a list of chores they are responsible for
and he can back you--by saying things like--
"What did your mother tell you to do re-chores?"
this way it makes you the heavy--not him--he's just supporting what you've already told them to do--

<small>[ August 01, 2004, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Oh, that is how I do the chores......they all have responsibilities and my bf does back me up. He has never stepped out of bounds on the discipline issue; he is just more firm than I in seeing that chores get done.....which is a good thing.

Since the NC order expired, my ex has been around alot more, starting to go to our church, hang out at the pool with us, etc....he gives me such an uneasy feeling. He's always asking questions about our activities, organizations I belong to, etc. as though he's "building a case" against me. He is such an accomplished liar and so good at twisting what I say and do that it scares me.

annasnewlife,

--Since the NC order expired, my ex has been around alot more, starting to go to our church, hang out at the pool with us, etc....he gives me such an uneasy feeling. He's always asking questions about our activities, organizations I belong to, etc. as though he's "building a case" against me. He is such an accomplished liar and so good at twisting what I say and do that it scares me.--

TR---Do not answer HIS questions--remain firm when you tell him--That you are divorced and you no longer answer to him about your activities--

And if he does not stop harrassing YOU--You will see HIM back in court--to get another no-contact order--

Stop. Think. Remember his record.

He will not get the kids. He is using threats to scare you, control you.

Please consider getting a new no-contact order. And woman, NO UNSUPERVISED visits! He will use that against you. You know this.

Dear, dear Anna:

Oh, dear, hon. We have been through this before for so long. Anna, your ex is a master manipulator abuser--and I'm not being judgmental there, just factual. You KNOW this to be true! For as long as you have been on this site, he has very consistently done ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to threaten you, scare you, force you, intimidate you and my dear, ABUSE YOU. He is continuing in his usual pattern. This is nothing new and is completely the same as the way he has always treated you.

My dear Anna, he can and will do anything he thinks he needs to do in order to mess with your and your kids emotional well-being. You know this. You know as well as I do that if he had to sell his BLOOD in order to terrorize you, he would. You know that too!! His goal is not to improve himself as a person or become a better father to his children, but to mentally and emotionally CONTROL you...all of you.

Soooo...I suggest that you continue not to be in ANY kind of contact with him at all. If he is "hanging around" at your home, hanging at the pool, going to your church, asking about activities, etc. I would suggest that you start by documenting every move, request, and time that he attempts to be around you. Next, I would suggest that you remember that THREATENING is also a criminal act, and if he threatens anything, call the police immediately. Don't second guess yourself, don't think about it, JUST CALL!!! Next, you know as well as I do that he is trying to get you back into his web, get you back under his control by threatening and manipulating you, and do whatever he has got to do to get you back under his thumb.

Dear friend, you have come WAY too far to get involved in this again. Don't let him scare you...don't let him intimidate you...and if he starts stalking you, get a PERMANENT restraining order. Oh yeah, you are definately in danger and you are not imagining it or "making too much out of it." He is a bizarre, scary man, and your intuition on this one is right on. He may never have a chance of winning in court, but his goal is not to win in court--it's to make your life living hell for as long as he can.


CJ

Thanks CJ and buttercup......one of my biggest problems is the visitation. First, the kids really want to see their dad. When he said he couldn't find anyone to supervise, I started checking and was frustrated to find he's right. DHS won't do it because they aren't in foster care. THe sexual abuse workers won't do it because the kids haven't been abused. (yet). I won't allow someone who isn't trained in the signs of pedophile behavior do it.....so who's left? ME. So, me being the only person who will protect my kids at all costs, and knowing what to watch for, I"ve told him no overnights, no truck trips, and I"ll be present. Sooo, that puts me in the position of hanging out with the one person I'd prefer never to see again in my lifetime. And, it's why he feels so comfortable showing up at church and social functions where he knows I"ll be.

It's a bad solution, but I really don't know what else to do.