cyllanlisa,
I would suggest that you start here:
The Love Bank From this link, you will be led one-by-one to other topics that will be helpful too, like Emotional Needs and Lovebusters.
The way that people fall in love can be envisioned very simply like a bank. If you deposit into the bank (do positive stuff like look nice, enjoy mutual recreation together, admire him, etc.) why then love "increases." And if you withdraw from the bank (doing negative stuff like nagging, yelling, acting independently and not considering his feelings, etc.) why then love "decreases." Makes common sense, hey??
So a person says that they are "in love" when someone has added so many positive deposits that the bank balance is HUGE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And when their spouse makes withdrawals and makes withdrawals and makes withdrawals... why eventually love decreases until either they give the "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" speech or they are tempted to have an affair and get those deposits from someone else. Can you see how that happens?? He comes home to you--and you don't laugh at his jokes anymore, and you nag him to TALK TO YOU, and you make decisions to spend money without talking to him, and you don't want to have sex with him anymore. Eventually it leaves his bank completely empty, and in his instance maybe even overdrawn!!
And that's where your H is at emotionally. He is overdrawn and feels hopeless that his bank could ever be filled up with deposits again.
Soooo...read the topics here on MarriageBuilders and start to practice making deposits in your H's Lovebank. Also, in my personal opinion, I think you might get wiser, more MB advise on the General Questions II forum (also called GQII). Some of the folks there have been here on MB for a long time and can really help. Plus, you can always come here!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
CJ
