</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by r & j:
<strong> Okay now to my question. I plan on filing the divorce papers myself after a lawyer reviews. But I would like to know what is next. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, here's what happens in a divorce, in very simple terms. You file the papers with the court, and either your H gets served with the papers, or he files his own papers (himself or with his lawyer).
There are three basic phases to a divorce: "temporary" "discovery and investigation" and "resolution."
In the temporary phase, some temporary orders are made by a judge regarding things like temporary custody, temporary financial stuff like support and maintainence, which parties live where, protection from stuff like violence and stalking, and a statement prohibiting making major financial changes (like selling all the stocks).
In the discovery and investigation phase, the uncontested areas are settled and the contested areas are identified. Then, depending on the spite involved in the divorce, there might be interrogatories, psych evals, mediation, affidavits, depositions, and even an attorney for the children (Guardian Ad Litem). All the evidence is gathered by each side to prove their side and present their best case. This part, frankly, can get VERY painful.
Finally, in the resolution phase, the uncontested areas are resolved and it's called settlement. The contested areas are brought to trial and a judge or magistrate listens to all the evidence gathered in the previous phase, and then makes a ruling. Sometimes, before they go to trial, the two lawyers will meet with the judge in a settlement hearing and see if they can't reach SOME agreement. Either way, either via settlement or judge's orders, the divorce is granted and the marriage is dissolved--that's the day the divorce is final.
That's basically the way it goes.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I guess I am just rambling but I don't know how I should feel. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just so you know, r & j, no one can tell you how you should feel. People feel such a wide variety of emotions and sometimes the feelings are mixed. I myself feel sad over losing my illusion of my marriage...I feel relieved to not be abused anymore...I feel resentment that I lost so much...I feel joy and peace...and all mixed together at different times!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I also don't know what to tell people when they ask how is H. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ah! This is a tricky question. It really isn't a wise idea to say something smarta$$ like "he chose the single life over his family" even though that is exactly what he did. When people ask me how my exH is, I try to keep it factual and say something like: "Sadly we are divorced now. I did discover (exH) was having an affair, and after several years of trying, we divorced about a year and a half ago. I can tell him you asked about him if you'd like."
In your instance you might respond like this:
"How is (stbx)?"
"You know, I don't know. Sadly, we are separated right now and I am filing for divorce. Yep, he forgot to come home one night, and when I left his stuff out on the porch, he left and I haven't heard from him since."
My point here is to keep it sort of factual but let them know a very, very, VERY little bit of what happened. People do want to know a little, but not hours and hours worth--and they're probably just being a little polite.
Hope this helps ya!!
CJ
