I just can't seem to get out of this funk I'm in.
Work has been both mentally and physically exhausting all year, the kids have been challenging, and I still deal with the D ****.
I thought it would be better now, but I'm blue.
And can't seem to shake it.
I took a week off, and that didnt' help.
And I drove by my old house to see what X had done now. It's a different color.

So, like Peachy, I'm adding up all the money he's expended since the D and wondering where he was hiding it all. I tried to be fair in the settlement, and he was just fighting and wasting money. Now, he seems to have lots of money to blow - and the kids notice it and comment on it.
It's just frustrating.

He spends money on his house to make him self happy
and not on his children
boy, he must be very empty!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm spending on my house too, but I also spend on the kids and they've commented on that.

I'm still in shock that he was hiding money (and still fighting me). He's in the old house which is fine for him. I never felt like it was my house - we bought it for his needs. So it's not about the house, its something else I cant' put my finger on.

It's about him being underhanded, selfish and sneaky. You got jipped because he hid money. He dragged the DV on, and all the while he had a great deal.

And it's Mama Bear coming out too. He has all this stuff and isn't giving any of it to your precious cubs.

I like that explanation. My friends say I need to let go of my anger, but I like your explanation better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And I drove by my old house to see what X had done now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well there is one mistake.

Are you the same Newly who once said that you are financialy better off without him and don't need his money.

And are you the same Newly who once said that he will never be the father that you want for your kids.

Stop worrying so much about him. It will drive you nuts.

Go home, enjoy yourself at YOUR home with YOUR kids and YOUR Daffodils(Unless those poor pansies made it.)

WIWH

I know, I know. Curiosity got the better of me. I couldn't picture a "cocoa" colored house that the kids described. I'd call it a Cafe Au Lait color.

However, good forces are always at work. Just a few minutes after I passed the house GG called so we had a long talk. And my other D'd friends came over last night. I find it helpful to have good friends to talk with about stuff and the Funk.

Thanks.

Newly,

I'm sorry your in a funk--and that things seem to be one way with your ex--

You know--he may have hidden money so that you couldn't get to it--and you know it really sucks that people are like that--thinking only of themselves--and not thinking of their children too--which is apparently what he did--

So with that in mind--

You no longer live in a 'house' you live in a home--a home filled with something that no amount of money can buy---and that is LOVE--

He can paint the house, he can fix up the house but that doesn't make the house a home--that may be his dream house--but was it really your dream home??

A home is filled with love and care--
it's filled with both laughter and tears--
it's filled with hopes and dreams--
and can even be filled with angst and despair--
wondering where your child is--or how you'll pay for the next repair--
but it's filled with love and care of those who
are around you--(me)

A home isn't about what it looks like on the outside--it's about the love and warmth felt on the inside--

Apparently your kids enjoy bringing there friends over to play--and stay the night--they have a mom who loves them--who has kids who love her--who has family and friends that love her--and that love them--you can have friends over have cook out's and sleep-overs--laughing and playing and you don't need to have a fresh coat of paint or even a lot of money to do those things--

Maybe pick one weekend a month where you all invite a friend over and throw a party--turn on the radio--and dance around the house--put up a tent of sheets in the living room and everyone sleep on the floor--

Sure he may be able to buy them things--or even buy himself new things--but those things one day wont be new anymore--and they will be out of step with the times--but the memories you will make with your kids--are priceless--they will never be outdated--and wont need to be updated--and they will be there for years to come--even when the new paint on his old has faded--

Newly, is what I am trying to say--is that what you have and give your kids--can't be bought--
because it's priceless--

Stop looking at what you think he has--or even what he has on the surface--because that's all it is--is surface--you my dear--have the real deal--

Thanks TR for your thoughts and the poem is great.

My funk is subsiding with the help of friends.
I do love having people over, and do believe I have a home. The old house was never my "dream house". The new one is smaller, but it's a home.

Tonight is the Bratz birthday party for the youngest daughter. Dress like your favorite Bratz doll and do makeup and nails. Friends think I'm nuts, but the kids are so excited.
It is all about the kids and making a real home.
Thanks for reminding me of all my blessings.
And I have their ballet recital photos and video and they are absolutely wonderful (not their dancing) just the memories.

Newly, are we getting together or what???
Check your email. Phone me, K?

Hi newly-

I just got back from a whirlwind week and saw this otherwise I would have posted earlier. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling in a funk. We all get them from time to time and they suck!

Keep in mind that everything you are dealing with is part of the grief process, you know, the whole shock, denial, sadness, anger, acceptance stuff? In order to truly grieve the loss of anything most people find them going through at least parts of this cycle many times.

Even though you have stated a thousand times that you are better off without your husband, you are only human. When you see him doing things to your old house that he never seemed to get done when you lived there and spending money that he supposedly didn't have it is normal you would get bummed. So my friend pick yourself up and listen to your friends here. Don't get caught up on the surface things for that is all they are. ThornedRose said things so eloquently, so I won't even try to top her, but remember, you have made a home for your daughters and no amount of money or home improvements can buy that.

So tell me about this Bratz party. What an awesome idea! Who thought it up? I know my six year old would love to do that, but alas her party was just two weeks ago and we went with the Care Bear theme. Now I am up to my eyeballs in Care Bears, oh well, maybe next year.

Since my post is so late in coming I hope this finds you getting out of the funk and enjoying yourself again.

Take care and God bless!
K

The Bratz party was fun, but I needed to have more done in advance.
Food was simple, pizza delivered, veggie tray, fruit tray, and ice cream cake.

The halloween costume last year was a Bratz dress, which DD was supposed to wear to the party. However, I found these dressup clothes at the dollar store that the kids liked much better, then paired them up with dress up shoes and they really looked like Bratz dolls. Then nail painting and makeup outside, which was fun. Only, I had some press on nails too, so they fought over those - and these were very time consuming. Basically the girls just ran around screaming and played freeze dance.

It was fun, and the last guests left at 10:30 pm.
One dad was there and we ended up in a discussion about his brother who was recently divorced with young children. So my friend and I enumerated all of the support networks around and talked about divorce. He seemed to appreciate it.
And ended the night watching the video of the dance recital. Perhaps the worst dance perfomances ever - and this after nine months. It's really hard not to laugh at the tape - but the girls enjoy it.

And Sunday, I didn't get to catch up with GG. Sorry. My cell phone reception was bad, and we couldn't connect.

So,another tiring weekend from which I need to recover.

Next party is a rollerskating party in September.
yeah!

have a great week.

Well it sounds like your spirits are up. Have fun recovering. It sounds like the party was a hit!

We just got done with my brother's wedding on Saturday. All four kids were in it and by last night I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck. I was exhausted!

I am glad you were able to offer advice to the one dad for his brother. You have always been a great source of support and information for me. It is just something you have a gift for.

I hope this finds you out of your funk and enjoying the better days that you deserve my friend.

Talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Newly, do you think you could actually be depressed...not just in a funk....if the funk goes on too long, it can lead to clinical depression? With all that divorce involves, it's common for people to become depressed.

Anyway, on a better note, The Tower Of Power (remember that group from the 80s) had a song called "You've Got To Funkicize". I have no idea how you funkicize but they sure sang about it.

C, thanks for your concern.
I think it's just the daily stuff that gets to you. And I seem to deal with the brunt of the emotional turmoil of my DD's. They were told they couldn't cry at his house.

Sometimes, it just gets old. I am blessed with many good friends, and a core group of divorced friends who help talk each other down through these stresses.

In September, Rainbows starts for the kids and I'm hoping for the relief I saw in them when they took these classes in the past. It's an emotional outlet for them, and helps in communicating their feelings.

You know newly, what you said about dealing with the brunt of the emotional turmoil is so true. It is so hard to see your kids upset, sad, angry, etc. over their new life. I have to do the same thing as my kids just don't feel comfortable letting their negative feelings show at their dad's. It can really get you down. I hope your shoulders are big because I'm sure you'll be dealing with it for a long time.

Take care and God bless!
K