Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk.

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:

1. Specificity

2. Antidisestablishmentarianism

3. Loquacious

4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you

2. Nope, no more booze for me

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type

4. No kebab for me, thank you

5. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

6. I'm not interested in fighting you

7. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination

8. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street

9. You're right; I can't jump over that table.

10. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing

Too Funny!

#10 makes me laugh! So many people love to sing while under the influence.

K.

THIS IS A NON-PARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS, SINCE IT'S TRUE OF BOTH PARTIES...........

While walking down the street one day a US Senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle
of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realises it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then the senator answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning......

Today YOU voted.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Milady, that story did truly cause much mirth.

Mirth and merriment, my liege? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Then here is another:

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !

"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, " she replies. . . . . . . . . "


Wait for it.



It's coming.



The suspense is killing you, isn't it?



She says :



"You just happened to catch my eye. "

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

Don't know whether that was funny or sick.

Funny or sick, It made me laugh

I love these! Keep 'em coming, it feels good to laugh.