Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
Holey Moley! Check out this letter, sent to the OM (and maybe his employers at Homeland Security) anonymously by one of our friends. WW is apparently parading OM around now that DV is final I’ve gotten a lot of reactions as to “how could she leave me for him”, etc. I try to explain the ‘fog’ but they don’t get to and make strong judgments. I realize this A and DV aren’t really about the OM, but you can’t tell the observers that. I just know I’ll get blamed for this (I get blamed for everything) but hey, the child in me likes that a good shot got in on my behalf:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OM:

Congratulations! You just destroyed a family. I hope you’re proud. Our friends WW & BH were together for 20 years. 20 years! Despite what she may have told you to keep you coming to her bed, their marriage had a chance. They were best friends. We’ve watched WW struggle with this and BH make great changes to make their marriage work, but your lusts and compulsions were too much of an interference.

You gave ultimatums to a married woman to leave her home, end her friendships, and risk her financial security to be with you. You turned a woman against almost everyone who actually cares about her. Results? Her family/friends are divided. Her children are distressed. Her husband is battered. Her reputation (esp. among her professional colleagues) is damaged. She’s become a paranoid, haggard, bitter, and desperate pariah, addicted to lies and obsessed with you. All in the name of what you call love.

WW has put her life on the line for your promise of commitment. How can you demand commitment when you participated in destroying the greatest commitment in human society? How can you expect honesty from someone with whom you’ve crafted lies? If your ex is a “b**h’ for what she did to you, how is WW any different? Divorce has been great for you. Kids every other weekend, travel at taxpayers’ expense, women, money, and parties at your townhouse, drinks all around. Just because you’re not a man who lives for the everyday experience of being with his family, how dare you threaten that for another? Your willingness to move to Florida doesn’t make you noble. Your marriage to WW will be as much of a disaster as your first marriage--you go in not only blind, but due a karmic payback of giant proportions.

I can’t believe you can have an extramarital affair on the U.S. government’s dime, actively break up a family, two-time a woman who just sacrificed her life for you, and are able to live with yourself. All you seem to care about is WW’s a** and ‘winning’ this ‘war’. Well, my friends’ son is already crying about mommy and daddy’s separation, a good man was almost broken and a good woman thrown into chaos. You just don’t walk away clean from that.

But you know what? Pushing BH was the best thing to happen for that family. We thought that this affair and resulting divorce would destroy him, but is spiritual strength and clarity is astonishing. He’s standing for his family, and succeeding. He has, over the months, encouraged us to understand this situation, remain loving, and pray for WW (easier for some than for others). That divorce decree no more ends his commitment than the marriage license created it. He understands patience and faith in a way that weaker men like you can’t. God has blessed him for this. He is also the smartest, man I know, and we’re beginning to understand his growing calm. He predicted in April how this would play out, almost down to the week. He knew you and she would do anything to get together and positioned things so that his family was secured and he and those he loves had a ‘soft place to land’. He is not happy about it, but said that all this and what will follow needs to happen. He’s also done something you could never do; he’s forgiving WW (and damn if he isn’t working on you). THAT’S real love, OM, faithful actions, rather than fleeting feelings, Amar Sin Mentiras: ``To Love Without Lies''

Most of us aren’t as disciplined as BH. We begged him to show WW the stuff his private investigator uncovered about you. We told him to convince your friend ***** *****to clue her in. Even his counselors encouraged him to pursue a course that would this fantasy you’ve sold. His answer? “Time will tell and God will judge”. I’ve, however, seen some of the stuff collected from the infamous “OM File”. Childish. I heard that fateful conversation you had with BH. You’re pitiful. You never once said you loved WW or took ownership of your role in the affair. “It’s WW’s fault”, you said. Pitiful. I hear you’ve told WW that BH is dangerous. What have you done to protect her? How could you let the woman you say you love live in a house with a ‘dangerous, psychotic’ for months on end? You had to know he knew every time you were here. Why not keep WW with you at those times? Because YOU ARE PATHETIC.

WW now calls BH’s intelligence and committed love brainwashing, manipulation and obsession. Your words, put into her head. This from the man who talks to her 2-3 hours a day and writes hundreds of letters and e-mails to her (how do you even work?). This from the person who demands that he hears I ‘love you’ in every conversation. Her recent actions demonstrate she can’t even make simple decisions without you. Kettle, meet the pot.

I want you to know that there is a community down here in City, State that loves WW and will always be there for her, despite what she believes right now. People-who she may never speak to again are praying for her happiness and healing. We also support BH and his efforts to mend his family. Many of us are committed to stand for them in light of any action (legal or otherwise) taken to secure their future. We are men and women outraged by these acts of outlandish selfishness, but emboldened to protect those two boys you have chosen to harm. WW will awaken in a couple of years to the deal she made. (unless you dump her first for one of your Janet look-alikes) Your sons will get even less of their father (because you’re too cheap to travel too much on your own dime) WW says you make her feel like she did when she was in high school. God help you when she grows up and graduates. You’re so arrogant, though, that you will step into this quagmire just to prove us wrong.

Perhaps you did all of you a favor. WW gets to finally see the other side of the fence she thinks is so appealing. BH responded to all this by returning to his true self. We, their friends, get to see the difference between lust, love, and commitment. You, who do not know God, will meet him and see that the laws he created for his universe can’t be circumvented.

Are you ready for the long haul, Mr. OM? I saw WW recently; she looks terrible (you can’t see the difference, as she musters up everything she has to look presentable to you). Will you be by her side when her vaunted beauty fades and the hot sex cools? Is your lust greater than our faith? Are you ready to stand up to a stander? Maybe BH’s right; you’re not worth the effort. He says the more you are attacked, the more WW will run to protect you. The ‘Romeo & Juliet Effect’ he calls it. Well as for me, I call it as I see it: YOU are the problem You’re an invader no better than those your department are sworn to protect us from. A domestic terrorist of families. Can’t wait to meet you. I’ve never met a weasel before. Remember: “Be not deceived, God is not mocked. You shall reap what you sow.”

Did I mention that YOU ARE PATHETIC?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Brutal, eh? What do you think will happen when his folks at work read this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
delight

you sure have some loyal and good friends.

I hope a copy DID go to the OW's employers. A good dose of sunlight will really disinfect him, his career, and his passion.

Good luck.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
disinfect. I love it!!

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 403
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 403
Sorry about your D...

I LOVE this letter! People did this without your help??? God bless them! You're sure to be blamed, but you can't buy better publicity than this!

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710


<small>[ August 30, 2004, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
AMEN!

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 600
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 600
You are absolutely right, you are going to get blamed for it. One of the first things they look for is motive. (then means and opportunity) Who else would write that letter? Who else would want to send it to OM's employment?

Writing these letters is a great psycological relief to some people. It is good to write it, but then it might be best to burn it without showing it to anyone or sending it to anyone.

What ever else that letter is, it doesn't seem to follow Marriage Builders concepts.

What's worse, that letter reveals far more about the writer than it does about the WS or the OM, and that could come back to haunt you.

If someone sent this letter to OM or to his employer, I doubt that they did you much of a favor. It is highly possible that the recipiants will turn this letter over to the postal inspectors for investigation, not of the OM, but of the sender.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
I get blamed for everything anyway! Hey but if I wrote it, it'd be much worse. Words can't contain the hurt and anger I feel. It would have been a stream of vitriol. I'm glad my friends see me as calm. I must be getting better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
To be perfectly honest--I don't think his employers will say anything at all--there might be one or two who may read it and lose respect for him--but over all--IF anyone reads it--they won't say anything--

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 2,863
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dleightonc:
<strong> disinfect. I love it!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .....coming from a housewife........

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
ThornedRose:

They might say something, as his department actually has statutes against such behavior. Probally the security risk and all. The charges would probally have to be formal, but who knows?

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710


<small>[ August 30, 2004, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
Actually the letter was prefaced with the following:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To the Staff/Management of the Department of Homeland Security, Office of Domestic Preparedness:

Don’t you have morality clauses in your department? If a man cannot respect the boundaries surrounding a marriage, how can he be trusted to serve the interests of other things deemed secure? Mr. OM used his travel privileges to have an affair, your e-mail for illicit communications with his lover and your phone to harass her husband, all on the government’s (taxpayers) dime. Now he wants to leave/transfer scott free after breaking up their marriage. Is this the fiber of people working for this esteemed department? Is this type of abuse tolerable? Some of us citizens are sick of the lack of values demonstrated by our public servants. We hope this message to him will remind him that one person’s actions affect an entire community of people. A family is broken, and a department duped. He plays and we pay? Deplorable.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are correct we ARE responsible to and for each other, or there cannnot be a society...

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710


<small>[ August 30, 2004, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
Thanks for the heads up!

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
Well, I got word back that OM got the letter as well a his dpartment. He shared the letter with WxW and she became afraid that OM would leave her b/c of it. She said that he said that if he lost his job, it would only hasten his move to our city.

"Nothing can or will keep us apart" she says. which is exactly the response I (and everyone here) expected. Their response encourages me in some stange way. it reminds me that this extreme behavior is not due to some fault in me, but rather a result of the situation. It also encourages me to stay away, as she is so gone right now that I risk losing both my respect for her and esteem for myself.

She spent a lot of time, I'm told, countering every point in the letter, which tells me every nerve the writer(s) wanted to hit were hit. And of course I get blamed for it all.

I pray for the strength to stay away from the fog bank that is her life.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
My attorney called today. Seems that the entire management of OM's Homeland Security department got the letter. Now, a ‘full court press’ investigation is underway. As I understand it, they are checking the veracity of the accusations (guess who may get called?) and reviewing his records, logs, etc. My WxW is accusing everyone of sending it, the OM may lose his job after all and my L wonders if OM will want to sue.

I'm surprised that a man who apparently defrauded the government would want to sue those who exposed his inappropriate behavior. Sorry, it's not libel/slander if it's true. I may think the guy is a @$^&*#@%!, but I didn't tell the whole U.S. government about it. Still, no accountability from either OM or WxW.

I'm so tired of the drama. I hope he and she go on into their fantasy world or end it. Either way, leave me out of it. Don't create enemies and cry when they strike back at you. Don't expect to public rewarded for destructive behavior. Is this why they call it fog?

Babble, Babble, Babble. I now clearly see the value of Plan B. There's only so much of this stuff one can take.

The epic saga continues.

Still Dark.

d

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
L
Member
Member
L Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
Whoa!

I'd just pray about it.

If the department is investigating the matter - this guy's bluff may be called.

Can you imagine if he sued? At that point, doc, inform the press.

There's some exposure.

The minute it becmes a court case - it's public record.

L

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
D
Member
Member
D Offline
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
That's a great idea! I'm not letting some knucklehead OM sue me over his indescretions.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 147 guests, and 46 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Countfunkula, mollye14, Pansu, sakyt, George Mixflicke
72,372 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
deneme bonusu
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0