Hello everybody, I feel like Iknow many of you. I started reading this thread several days ago, made it to page 89 then skipped to page 125 to finish because I wasn't sure I'd ever make it!

I am presently separated from my husband. He told me in January that he didn't love me anymore.He hung around for months, although not really because he works out of town all week every week and was only home on weekends anyway. He moved out a month ago and told me he was seeing an attorney, but so far I have not received any papers from him or anybody else. I allow him to see our kids every weekend. My question, well my first question, I will have many more for you folks, is how long does it take to be served papers? I spoke with an attorney and I was under the impression that getting somebody served was quick and easy,so shouldn't I have gotten notice by now? Also, when did WS take off their wedding rings? Mine is still wearing his.

Hi there and welcome...

Are you sure you don't want to fight for the marriage? You're posting here, but I have to ask anyway. The GQII board has plenty of people that will help you make an effort if that is what you want to do. Just have to ask... sorry that your marriage is in such rough waters.

My L says it only takes a few days from the go-ahead to get everything done. The retainer (downpayment) takes a while to scrape together for most people, unless he have $4000 in his checking account. Depending on how you will be served (mail or in person) that could come into play.

I'm sure the veterans on this board will be along soon...

Hi,
Yes, I do want to fight for my marriage, but I feel that's what I've been doing for 6 months and have gotten nowhere. I keep getting little signs, but then he goes the other direction and farther. I guess that's why Dobson's Tough Love is now in effect in a way. I just have to quit trying to talk to him about us and marriage and let him go.
I can't believe you were pregnat when he left! I worry so much about my kids. I didn't ahve a dad in my house growing up and so I never wanted that for my kids. He had a normal family! And I alwasy prided myself on marrying one of good guys. He has surprised everybody, not just me.
Thanks for replying to me

CM

CM,

Before we go very much further, can you give us a little more info? Do you two have kids? Has there been an affair? Do you have evidence of the affair (if there was one)?

In the meantime, to answer your question, it does not take very long serve someone divorce papers. For example, it takes a little time to gather the paperwork to fill out the forms--and then a little time to fill out the forms--and then the completed papers are either mailed to you certified mail or given to the person who's going to serve you. Then it takes them a day or two to find you/run into you (or for the certified mail to arrive).

See?? Not too long.

Regarding when did my WS take off his wedding ring...well actually he rarely if ever wore it because he was in the restaurant industry and he SAID that the ring interfered with operating kitchen machinery. Bull pucky!! He didn't want to have to explain a wedding ring to a waitress! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Anyway, he took his off almost the day after I put it on him!!!

If your H has not served you with papers and is still wearing his wedding ring, I have to honestly tell you that I don't think he wants to divorce. He may just feel so hurt that he can't see a way out...or he may need a way to "save face" after what he has done...etc. Would you like to explore actions that you can do to save this marriage? Are you done??


CJ

country,

Has your fight for the marriage the last 6 months been effective? Have you used MB principals? Read everything here on the site from basic principals all the way thru, then re-think if you have fought for your marriage!!! But yes for right now stop talking to him about the M or the relationship.

My xH wanted divorced now, right now but it took him from January of 01 to Nov of 02 to achieve that. Lots of little things happened to delay things mostly by his lawyer not mine. Use the time read, do a plan A, write out your plan A so you can see the improvements that you are making!

My x didn't take his ring off till Oct of 01, after he had seen the OW again, I am sure it was due to her not liking it. He has returned all jewelery that I or my parents have given him. Mmmmmmmm not sure why though, some very nice pieces of Black Hills gold!!!

Is there an OW that you know of? What caused him to not be in love anymore?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

My WS took off his wedding ring in March 04 before d-day. We were starting to do well this month and I sent him a really mushy card with the ring taped inside. He hasn't put it back on.

CJ,(and others)
thanks for the replies. Here's a bit more info. My kids are 1 and 3, H told me this NEWS just before my youngests bday. I do not know if there has been an affair or not. I do know he is spending a bit more money than should be necessary. That could be OW or something like gambling or whatnot. His only explanations are that we have grown apart. I agree. He has worked out of town for 6 years now. That has got to be miserable.
He as added more, like me not acting excited to have him home,not needing him, things like that. I have agreed wiht him that I have not been the best wife, some post-partum plus just being dog-tired from raising two kids by myslef for days on end, some self esteem issues, but I had already started improving myslef and wanting to change, but he has no interest.
I have ahd many mixed signals throughout all of this, although his words have consistently been that it's over. For the first 6 months he still called me every day, often several times if I wasn't home or didn't answer. For the past 2 months, though, he does not call me at all except to arrange to see the kiddos.
I DO want to save my marriage,but I don't even recognize this man that has pulled away from family, and frankly I don't like him much either.
Thanks for any advice anybody can give me

cm

Again go read about emotional needs, are you fufulling your husbands, is fulfilling yours? If not how canyou make a change?

My x traveld 2-3 weeks out of every month for 10 years. I was very self reliant, independent because I had to be, I parented on my own cause I had to. I still needed my H but he didn't see it that way. The OW/W needed him emotionally, she listened to him. I was strong enough to stand on my own I'd be ok divorced. I am!!! I am standing!!! Did I want the divorce? No!

I do think that you would be better off posting on GQII but you have to take the time to read the info here you can not just rely on reading the forums and asking for help, you have to help yourself!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

No. we have not been meeting each other EN. I know that, and tried to fix that during the last 6 months. He would get upset with me whenever I did something that may have deposited in his bank.
At this point can I really do much more in that regard since I rarely see him or talk to him? He has moved out and we only interact to pass back the kids. Although, when we do talk on the phone he doesn't get off right away, and wants to chit chat. I guess I figured I was at the stage where I needed to eliminate as much contact as possible. It will be very difficult to get him to miss me as we had very little contact with each other anyway.

cm

CM - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said : Although, when we do talk on the phone he doesn't get off right away, and wants to chit chat. I guess I figured I was at the stage where I needed to eliminate as much contact as possible. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my opinion, the "chit chat" provides opportunity for you to do Plan A during this time. Because of his schedule, I think you feel you weren't able to do a full Plan A, which may be true, but it's not impossible. You can also work on "you" at the same time. I would only move to Plan B when all else fails and you're literally at the end of your rope. Is your H open to any counseling? You may want to approach him from the standpoint of "our children deserve to have both of their parents together, so let's work on things and not give up so easily".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
Is your H open to any counseling? You may want to approach him from the standpoint of "our children deserve to have both of their parents together, so let's work on things and not give up so easily". [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No counseling whatsoever, adn yes, I have tried this approach. He is not open to anything. He is not mean to me or anything, he just says he has no feelings for me anymore.
For the record, I think he (and I) have forgotten how to be spouses, and he's never really beena full time parent. But, he doesn't want to change that, and has even said, when I asked him "don't you want more, a normal family?" his reply is "this is all I know".
Very sad

SO do I officialy belong here? My H dropped off the kids today and told me to expect divorce papers this week. He is still wearing his ring. I can't stop crying and want to crawl into a hole and never come out.