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#775874 08/10/04 09:40 AM
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I am amazed at myself lately. I am progressing and moving forward with a number of positive things in my life lately... and, at the same time, I am coming out of my own emotional withdrawal towards an individual.

As I come out of the withdrawal, I feel resentments kicking up... the "taker" feeling anger and resentment of things that have occurred... and forgiveness taking over.

It's like feeling that hurt is part of "letting it go".

I feel God moving powerfully in a number of my life situations.

It's when we move forward, sometimes, that we face the ugliness we haven't noticed lately... that was in the way... getting out of the way.

I'm feeling waves of resentment... and working through them... and feeling an increasing capacity to love again, in that male/female dynamic, grow as they... go away.

The increasing end result feels good!

I know God is moving on my behalf.

How many of us run from the feeling of hurt and resentment and don't work through it to get forgivness into the situation that has harmed us? I want to encourage others to endure the process and make it through to the other side in restoration. Please pray, and process, through! I'd encourage others, don't stop at the feeling of discomfort and the recognition of your "selfish side" to get to the "other side" in relationship.


Any comments? Like situations?

Laura

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OK... now is where it's at. I'll edit out older posts.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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You are on a tear today and it sounds good to me. With this one from the "I just don't know what is going on" thread: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> OK... I am not sure what's wrong with me lately. I used to have this huge dedication to "marriage at all costs!". Not anymore. I'm dealing with people in real-life situations... not the ideal it "should be".

My question is, "Why are you still married to this *****?"

OK... I admit it... something I cannot understand must be happening in my own life.

It's all I can think is why should ANYONE stay married to a ***** who would treat her husband like that?

Somebody slap me... clap... or something.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and this thread, it sounds to me like you really are making progress and moving on. Standing ovation for you.
I think I have been doing the same. I had my rebound fling (before my divorce was final- bash away all, yadda, yadda, yadda.......... It may not have been the right thing but it worked for me at the time) and have a romance blooming now that could be "the real thing". I trust this lady completely, quite a step, IMHO, for someone who was just burned to a crisp. We're taking it slow, being careful, going to see where it goes. In week #2 now of being single and life seems rosy. But stilll I wake up in the wee hours of the morning stomach churning, haunted by OM #1 and the 11 years by exWW's account of lies. Is this the hurt of letting go you refer to? Forgiveness doesn't come easy on this one. Sure wish it would come though, don't like the knotted up stomach and it will probably take forgiveness for that to go away. Any direction on forgiveing?

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Hey dj,

Bear with me. lol

I won't give you a hard time - personally - about your rebound fling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> For the sake of civilization, though, puh-lease... will you just keep it in your pants!!!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> lol

Yeah, I'd say it's "forgiveness" to get back in the real world and have a new romance. It's letting go. It's not being held back by your previous experience. It's coming out of withdrawal.

Moving on to work through - and out of - those knots in your stomache IS, to me, a form of forgiveness.

You'll find it so much easier to... forget... when you rebuild your new life. Especially when you do find new love... and share your heart again.

Good job. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep stretching OUT of your "shell"... and enjoy, with pleasure and happiness, the life God has given you!!

Don't let anything that, that, THAT B****! did (lol) keep you in a shell!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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Laura,

You feeling OK ?

You're blowin chunks in a few different threads now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Actually you sound like you're feeling fine to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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Hi WIWH,

Everything has calmed down.

I handled myself very well. Things got better.


Thanks!

Laura

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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Laura,

You know what works pretty good for rollersoaster withdraw symptoms.

Go home tonight and have yourself A Snicker Bar. Wash it down with a Dr Pepper and a cigarette.

If that doesn't work, you can always try the Flaming Dr Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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LL: I am keeping it in my pants for now. My new romance's idea not mine. When it does get to come out and play I promise there will be no future threats to civilization. My shrink tells me I will be able to forgive but I will never forget and shouldn't forget. WIWH always gives good advice but I would make that a caffein free Dr. Pepper, if you are in the stage I think you are, sleep is precious still. And I'm not sure about the cigarette. I hate being around smokers but lately I've had the urge to light one occasionally. That usually passes pretty quick. But if it helps, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

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WIWH,

Already had a Reeses (no snickers in the candy box), drinking a Dr. Pepper right now... and been smokin' quite a few smokey treats. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> All that, before seeing your post. You know me so well!

Hey DJ,

Glad to hear of your virtue! And social responsibility! (Because your gf has made the decision for you.) lol


See ya,

Laura

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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Sister,

I have blown into my house back from my mom's and to feeling a tidal wave of unpleasant emotions and there you were.

I don't have much time on my hands as I have to run and get some computer ink for my daughter as my xh wrote, actually his girlfriend a pathetic sick letter.

I have been away for some time, so I haven't had the chance to check in with you.

Think we are going through growing pains, the emotional vomit that's exactly what I wanted to do to day from all the dysfuction. Toxic relationships produce so much poision.

Praying for you and remember you are so wonderful and dearly beloved just for being you!

Remember we can't force forgiveness it's act of empowering Grace. Those wounds were deeply infected and untreated for along time. Just absess being lanced and the ooozze is pouring out. You will feel better.

Hugs, lots of love! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Hey, can you guys take it easy...us newbies here have sensitive stomachs... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It seems I have a LOT of puke, chunks, fire and just general CRAP ahead of me, and I haven't even officially started. Oh, well, it's good to know what's coming, I guess! I'm sick and tired of Fogland! I can definitely go for some growth, plus whatever L is smoking!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

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Hi Skydiver,

Sorry to hear about your need for that barf bag... lol... but we're not going through this alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I like what you said about an absess wound. There's another good one.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WhatAmIDoingHere

Sorry to upset your delicate sensitivities. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I advise a zone of safety apart from the strife... and going in... making improvement in the relationship... and pulling back to safety again.

Kind of like how Washington beat the Redcoats with his fight/retreat strategy.

Best wishes!

See ya,

Laura

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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I know I'm getting better. OM#1 has bothered me more than the current OM. He's the one that I wake up in the wee hours with the knotted stomach thinking about. He is really a sleaze bag, his most redeaming quality is that he is a used car salesman. It makes me sick to think that exWW was with him, probably in my bed. It makes me sick to know that the image of the woman I loved lied to me about it for 11 years. I have my kids for the first time since Dv-day and last night they told me that OM#1 has been calling quite a bit and she has seen him and talked to him some around town. She gets up close so they can whisper in each others ear. Hearing this, no knotted stomach, just a few butterflies. She's not my WW anymore, she's my exWW. Its none of my business what she does and I don't care. Mostly I thought it was funny. She's probaly cheating on the guy she left me for with the same guy she cheated on me with the first time. They all deserve each other. Just keep it away from my kids and all will be fine. Thats got be on the road to recovery.

LL and WIWH: I have to ask, whats a flaming Dr. Pepper? A guy I used to work with, binge drinker, told me about a "Dr. Pepper From Hell"- it was like a Boilermaker only you drop a shot of Amaretto in the beer instead of whiskey. He said it tastes just like a Dr. Pepper but it will knock you on your a$$. I never felt the need to be knocked on my a$$ enough to try one.

WAID?: If you really are a newbie, sorry your here but there is help here. I hope you like rollercoasters because you're gonna be on one and it's gonna make you wanna barf. Hang in there, it gets better and someday it will let you get off. Stay with the good folks here, they'll hold your hand and your barf bag and help you make it through. They've helped me and still are.

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Hi DJ,

It sounds like you are definitely detaching from the XW and her trying to be the center of a love triangle involving you.

Your XW's behavior is very telling. It's not that she really wanted the OM#2... it's that she loves being the "center of attention" in a "love triangle". She's feeding on it. She needs it. It's the feeling of causing pain, being sneaky, etc. that she's feeding on.

That's the impression I have of her behavior.

Life is too short to let her play off you in her dysfunction. Now she's playing off of OM#2 with OM#1.

That's too bad for them. As you say it, though, that's what they got themselves in for - and they knew it.

I'm glad you are on the road to recovery! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OK, about this whole "binge-drinking" thing: unfortunately, from my own experience, I can tell you - one Flaming Dr. Pepper can qualify as "binge drinking"

They are incredible!

I had one... and it was very powerful.

I didn't get "knocked on my behind" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , but I felt like I had been medicated or something.

I could walk, talk, and function... but I felt no pain!

I'm known for loving Dr. Pepper - heard about this drink and wanted to try it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

See ya,

Laura

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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Thanks LL, I feel like I'm on the road to recovery. You and several others here have really helped me get there. I hope things work out with you and "the one" the way you wish.

Do you have a recipe for a flaming Dr. Pepper?

Tonight, my kids meet my girlfriends kids for the first time. This should be interesting. I think they will get along fine. My girlfriend. It may be too early to call her that. We've only been on one official date. I don't know. It feels pretty good. I told her that the last time I dated, I had to get the approval of the girl's parents, now I have to get the approval of the girl's kids. Its been a long time since I played the dating game.

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Laura Laura Laura

A flaming Dr Pepper IS pain medication. Good for rollercoaster and withdraw pains. But they are much better when you slam it rather than sipping it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jeff, some say just Amaretto, others say 1/2 Amaretto and 1/2 Kaluah(Spell checker doesn't like that one). Either one topped off with 151 rum. Light it before dropping it in the beer(Flaming).

Yo gotta slam it or you may not want to continue drinking it.

Laura, It seems that the power of your grace is taking it's affect on the one. I just hope that he continues down the road he is meant to and is't just trying a different angle to get what he wants.

WIWH

<small>[ August 14, 2004, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

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Thanks WIWH. A flaming Dr. Pepper is the same as my buddy's Dr. Pepper from Hell with the rum and fire added. He did slam it and slamming would deffinately add to the knock you on your a$$ affect. I tried drinking for a while after d-day, remembered I like good bourbon. But it was counter productive with the depression meds and I quit. It sure did help take the edge off those pesky little anxiety attacks though.

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Hi WIWH,

Oh... I know "the one". He'll want to try angles. He's got some life lessons to learn.

Yet the power of grace is a power greater than myself... and it has power to keep him on the straight and narrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm doing a lot of things I enjoy. I don't want this guy to get to me in a way I don't enjoy.



DJ,

If all that a flaming Dr. Pepper does is "take the edge off" anxiety attacks... you weren't drinking the same drink I did! Anxiety attacks and flaming Dr. Peppers cannot co-exist!!

lol

Laura

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

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