<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Yes it was me that caused the tears and I feel bad about it but I had to do what I had to do.

I haven't posted much lately so this may be a little long.

First some updated backround.

We've been going back and forth with mediators for several months now trying to work out a financial agreement.

All I've asked for since the beginning was that W figure out how much she needs right now so I can have my direct deposit divided between us until we come to a final agreement.

She would not do it without a mediator and even with a mediator nothing ever got done. I roughly figured out her expenses and proposed a fair division to her several months ago but she refused to agree to anything.

Recently she has been having her mother babysit our kids when she has things to do and stopped asking me to come over so I don't get to spend as much time with them as I was or as I want.

She also has decided that she doesn't want me spending time with the kids at "Her" house anymore and I need to pick them up and take them with me. We agreed from the start that it was best for me to go there so the kids were'nt carted around every other week.

She called me a few months back crying because of all the changes that the kids were going to have to go through and wanted to know if I had any ideas to make it easier on them.

We discussed getting me a cheap place near home so that we could share time with the kids at their home and dispupt their lives as little as possible. At the time she thought this was great.

OK!

On to the mediator.
We have'nt been there in a while so we started off with some updates for her. There were'nt many because not much has changed.

Things started moving toward me looking into this and her looking into that etc...

Well we've been looking into this and that for almost a year and nothing has moved foward or changed.

I stopped the mediator and said I had enough. Something needs to start changing right now. Explained(Again) my desire to come to an agreement on money, even if only temporary, it has to be a set amount.

Told them that I want to see more of the kids so I need to move closer to home. And I also want to be informed if she needs a babysitter so I can do it if possible.

Explained to mediator the idea we had to share time with kids at their house but now W wants nothing to do with that. When the mediator asked why she changed her mind, I said because it was only a good idea when she wanted it. When it was good for her she was all for it. When it is good for me, she's dead set against it. LB? Maybe but this is when the tears started.

We went on with discussing her expenses vs mine and what it would cost me to get a life and what W had to give up and do to help make it possible.

OK now the final outcome

W is getting a fixxed amount of each of my checks. Funny thing is that she is getting $30 less each check than I propsed to her in the beginning and this is an amount that the mediator came up with. We had no input to her proposed amount.
This is a temporary thing to get us started. the ballance of my pay is mine. Any increas in my pay goes to me. Any decrease in her expenses or income she can provide will reflect on what she gets from me.

W asked mediator if her $$ increased if my pay did. The mediator said no. The whole idea of this is to start building an individual income for me so I can get a life. W already has a life and needs to adjust it to help me get one.

She needs to find a way to start providing income as soon as possible.

She will also need to take me into consideration any time there is a need for someone to watch the kids.

I wasn't real happy about the way things went. W left crying and wouldn't even look at me. But this [censored] has dragged on long enough. If she isn't going to do anything to make change happen, I am.

There was a lot more bickering back and forth but I don't remember every little detail right now. All I now is things are finally starting to change.

WIWH

Hoooray!!! I'm doing a happy dance.
I'm sorry your wife is so upset, but it's time for her to figure out what she's in for. Good Heavens, I filed for divorce and do not expect my STBX to live on nothing, and only see the kids when I want to, and I don't have to work.

Even now, I'm still carrying his health insurance, and will support myself and my share of the kids while I'm in school.

And don't worry about the LB at this point.
PS: YOu have mail.

Wish,
You have been separated for more than a year. You need a formal custody agreement in place. This typically happens sooner. I know a big piece is your inconsistent schedule.

I also know I told you about the "right of first refusal" and that STBX should ask you first. Get her to sign this agreement in the next mediation session.

You have been in Limbo for a long time. I hated Limbo. It's worse when someone else is keeping the Limbo ongoing.
Take care.

GG one of these days I need someone to show me the happy dance. I've heard about it but never saw anyone actually do it. OH! PS, YOU have mail

I think she expected me to sit back and wait for her to finish school and get a job. She's not in complete control anymore and I'm fed up with living in the limbo

Like newley said, I've been in limbo for too long.

I'm gonna give her a chance on the first refusal thing. It is difficult for me to get there sometimes and she has always had her mom babysit. I think it might be partly habbit for her to just ask her mom. She needs to learn to change that so I wll give her some time. When I can get my own place closer to them, I better be first on the phone list.

I will be calling to just stop by more often just to visit. I'll see how she handles that before I push on more agreements with her.

Newly, it hasn't been quite a year yet. Anniversary of seperation is end of this month. I used to think that it would be an awefull time but now I'm considering celebrating.

I was actually aproached by a woman tonight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Was just friendly conversation while we waited for the ferry but that kind of stuff hasn't happened to me in a longgggggg time.

The little kick in the self esteem just made me more confident in being agressive in moving on with my life.

I've also been thinking of changing my screen name. The home I used to wish for is't the home I want anymore.(Maybe something shorter)

WIWH

WIWH:
Glad to hear some progress was made. I know every state is different but its hard to imagine it is taking so long. From exWW's move out day (my first clue we had a problem) to Dv day was just barely over 6 months. Could have been over in less than three months if I had agreed to the same suck a$$ custody agreement I wound up with. I think I might have the right of first refusal on the baby sitting thing but I'm not sure, I don't have the final paperwork yet. Progress does make things easier. I wish my exWW could have left something in tears, she is still so happy it makes me sick. Feels good to be approached by a woman dosen't it. The self esteem boost really does help the moving on process. Be careful, I decided it would be okay to get mine boosted big time and made the mistake of mentioning it on here, some will go for blood.

Hi WIWH,

I'm glad that progress has been made to clear up the mixed signals that have been given by the previous financial arrangments.

The reality, now, will sink in.

Unfortunately, the reality of divorce is much uglier than the fantasy of those who pursue it. In this case, your wife has been pushing in that direction for quite some time.

Please let me know how things go!

Best wishes,

Laura

DeafJeff,

I'm familiar with your "Self Esteem Boost" and the blood letting associated with it.

As long as opinions don't turn to disrespectful judgements, there is nothing wrong with input. You just need to know what opinions are worth listening to and responding to.

Things have gone on a long time for me due to about 8 months of plan A. I'm sure things will continue to drag on for quite some time still.

Your right, progress doesn't make things easier but as things get easier, so does progress.

I never wanted any of this so I don't realy see it as progress as much as I see it as just change to help escape the limbo.

Laura Lee,

I'll do my best to let you know how things go as long as you do the same about "Him" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Haven't even talked to STBXB (OOPS, I mean STBXW) Since mediator but I'll be calling her this weekend to discuss $$ arangements.

Thanks for the ears everyone

WIWH