My wife and I have been physically seperated for about a month (not going through divorce procedures yet). She's been living in her own apartment for the past two weeks. There's a guy that she has been having over for movies and "chats" for the past two weeks and says whole heartedly that they are just friends. Well last night he stayed at her apartment all night while i have the children. My question is why does this tear me up so much?? I feel dead inside at the thought of he and her being together. I also feel very angry at this point and since it's still the "morning after" I truly feel like heading over there and beating the guy to a pulp!! How do I stop this....HELP!!! She keeps telling me that I should "let go" but how can i do that?? I haven't even had time to digest the fact that it's over between us!

Hi Shannon---

It hurts so much, because your separation is still very new/fresh. She has only been gone a month. That is a very short period of time, to expect yourself to be coming anywhere near getting over her.
I know where you are at, only too well.

I remember the pain of when my XH moved out, and into an apartment. I wanted to do the drive by thing, and see if OW was there.
I refrained though. For me, it would have killed me to know she was there.

I think for wayward spouses, (IF she is wayward)they are very selfish and out for themselves when they head down this road. They truly think of no one but themselves.
They don't think of their spouse or their children. It's so sad.

I remember very, very well my X looking right into my face, and telling me he didn't love me anymore the way a husband should love his wife.
You would have thought that would have been a wake up call, but, I still begged him to stay.

Your wife telling you to "let go" doesn't just happen that easy.
You have to come into that in your own time.
I couldn't "let go" so to speak, until more facts were presented to me by others.
It wasn't enough for him to tell me. When my now X-SIL called me with info and a friend told me of another event with someone else, THEN and only then did I feel like enough!

Probably for you, you want to try to turn this situation around.
Have you mentioned marriage counseling to your wife? Is this an option?

While I know how painful it is during this time, the best you can do is be the stable parent for your children. They need a strong parent.
I did both marriage counseling, and independent counseling.
I would suggest you get counseling.
I will also mention that I didn't care for the first counselor I went to, and found a new one.
Just because they are a counselor, doesn't mean they are right for you.

But, by all means, DO NOT go over there and do anything to that guy.
That will land you where you don't want to be.

I understand your feelings, but let them be only feelings.

Post here as much as you need to.
People here have been through what you are going through.
There is a lot to be learned from others here.
Granted, they won't take away your pain, but you will feel less alone.

Trust me, it takes a long time to "let go".
Take care of yourself, and be the strong parent for your children, they need you Dad.

K.

ShannonNF: Youv'e only been seperated a month and you wonder why it STILL hurts so much? I don't want to scare you but you are just getting started. Almost all of us guys want to go kick the other guys a$$. That would be a bad move. Stay with this site. There are a lot of people here that have been in your shoes. I say that without knowing your story but check it out and you'll catch yourself saying "yeah, me too" alot. There will be a lot of people here that have been through much worse, they never cease to amaze me. There are a lot of people here that will help you. You might want to read the Infidelity links on the home page here. Some of that might make you aware of things you have missed. The General Quetions board will get you a lot more responses but it seems to me to be more geared toward reconcilliation. I lurked there for quite awhile til I realized my marriage was over and the folks here at divorcing/ divorced seemed to be more in touch with my reality. I hate it for you that you have had to come here but stay with it, it will get better.