This is an abridged version of the letter I recieved from my wife's solicitor. I really want some input on what to do next when I contact my solicitor and start the ball rolling. I am a complete novice when it comes to legal matters and where I stand.

Dear Sir

We understand that our client has moved out of the home as an interim measure. You will appreciate that you both have joint parental responsibility at this stage and we understand that interim contact has been agreed.

We understand that the current contact schedule is essentially that (Son) stays with his Mother from Monday until Friday then you have contact from Friday evening until Monday morning.

In addition, our client would wish to keep (Son) every third weekend out of four. We would then suggest whether you wish to have contact the following week and if so, please confirm. We would confirm that our client wishes to keep (Son) on the weekend commencing the 21st August 2004.

Clearly, once the former matrimonial home has been sold and both parties housing has been resolved. In addition with (Son) commencing school, then our client will be in a position to put forward a contact schedule for your consideration. We would propose that this be dealt with at a later stage.

We are writing to confirm that we have been instructed on behalf of (Wife) and are writing to you in respect of the matrimonial breakdown. Our client has come to the decision that the marriage has broken down and she wishes to resolve matters by way of divorce proceedings. We have advised her in this respect and confirm that we will be shortly preparing divorce proceedings on the basis of your unreasonable behaviour.

As far as financial matters are concerned, we will require a full financial disclosure in order to advise our client.

We appreciate that (Wife) has moved out of the home as an interim measure and understand that while you remain in the home, you will be paying all the outgoings.

When I see my solicitor there are a few points I want to challenge.

1) Since my Wife left I have been having my son as often as possible. Earlier in the month I looked after him for 10 days in a row. Certainly not the Friday evening to Monday morning scenario my wife has described. Will this help my case?

2) I can understand my wife wanting to have my Son every 3rd weekend out of 4. She needs to spend quality time with him. I'm not sure about the wording of the letter but does this mean that I am entitled to make up the lost weekend where my son is at my wifes by seeing my son for an equal amount of time during the following weekdays?

3) My unreasonable behaviour. The reason the marriage is in this state is because my Wife had an AFFAIR! I want her back but if that is not to be then I want her to acknowledge that our marrige broke down because she CHEATED. Can I contest this, I have proof that she engaged in an affair before she left. On the OM's internet profile he kept a diary which he updated regularly. It shows how he hounded my wife for the month before I confronted her. I can also access credit card statements which show that my wife booked a weekend in a travel lodge with OM to consumate their affair the following weekend she left me. Mutual friends were also present during the 4 day period between confrontation and my wife leaving where we openly discussed her affair. The OM is also sleeping at my inlaws and my Son is a witness to that. I really do want to contest this part and if possible Name the OM as the 3rd party which led to the breakdown of the marriage.

Are there any benefits to naming the OM officially?

How do I stand on this and what should I expect if I follow this route?

4)The house is in all 3 of our names. (Mine, Wifes and FIL's) I am not in a financial position to continue paying the bills for much longer. When my wife left our benefits were stopped (I am on a poor wage) Can I make them part responible for the paying of the mortgage until the house is sold?

5) My wife pops into the house to collect stuff whilst I am at work. Now it has been recognised that she has left the home can I prevent her from entering the house without my prior knowledge and permission?

Thankyou. If I think of any more questions I'll post them later.

sadly, the only "proof" eligable is usually actuall "coiatus" footage of some sort. I had internet print outs with affidavids from school prof's to show it wasn't me on compt. at the time of print outs..and still no.

My div. is still unfinal, but my x is making some lame remark that to agree to my terms, i have to say this thing is no fault (he cheated too). so, maybe you have some grounds there. something to barter with. I do know that these nasty proceedings do become public record.....and while i am not sure about benefits for you in including his name, if it is validated in court, possibly, his name will be connected with this case in aforementioned files--as an adulterer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

abandonment laws differ by state. i think there's a certain amount of time before you can forbid her from coming into the house....unless you get a restraining order.
I don't have kids..but i think poss. having your son at least write what he's seen may be a good idea.

I hope this is somewhat helpful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Struggling
It sounds (?) as if you're not in the USA, perhaps the UK. If that's correct, I'm not sure what the laws are there.

You need to decide what YOU WANT, especially regarding custody, before you contact your lawyer (solicitor). It sounds like your wife wants you to only have your son on the weekend (paragraph 2) and then wants one weekend out of four (para. 3). You would then only have son (according to her proposed setup) on three weekends out of the month - about 6-9 days a month, depending on when it starts on Friday and ends on Sunday.

This proposal says nothing about holidays, summer vacation, birthdays, etc... so you need to include that in YOUR PLAN.

It is perfectly acceptable that in your response, your lawyer deletes the "unreasonable behavior" phrase. He can even throw it back on WW, and say due to HER "unreasonable behavior".

If the house is in everyone's name, you cannot change the locks to keep her out. You can, however, formally request her to not come on the premises whilst (I love that word!) you're not there. Technically that won't stop her, though, and legally your FIL can also go in there and do things. After all, they're owners too. I'm not sure what you mean by "when my wife left, all benefits were stopped". I think you MIGHT need to look for another place to live, that you can afford, because it's quite likely since they own 66% of your house (WW, FIL), you will be forced to move anyway. But don't leave until you HAVE to, because the person remaining in the home usually has an edge.

Another thing, again not knowing the law where you live, is that other things are not in this letter (maybe you deleted them for brevity?). It seems that joint assets/debts (credit cards, cars, investments, etc...) should also be mentioned.