As I am writing I am in a moment of acceptance so I want to ask how do people go about accepting the situation as is and begin the process of moving on.

Basically my girlfriend of over 4 years has made it clear that she needs to break up with me in order to do some things. These things are become independant, be single, understand why she is the way she (for instance why she does not feel the remorse she knows she should for cheating on me), and ultimately to see if she is sure that I am the man she truly wants to marry.

We ignored many problems for quite a long time. I was an alcoholic. She cheated on me. And there is whole host of things associated with my drinking (putting beer before her, not meeting her needs etc etc) and with her cheating (she didn't exactly always treat me well either and it had nothing to do with my drinking).

Well we are both at a point that we realize we need to work on things in our own personal lives in order to ever really be in a true caring relationship. We recognize issues we both have that are affecting many things in our lives even besides each other. We don't just have problems in our relationship we each have problems in all of our relationships.

Anyway I still love her and I truly believe she still loves me. There is a problem of course though. I would like to stay together while these things are worked out. She would not.

I'm struggling with that. For instance it seems to me like she is giving up. And she is in a lot of ways. But I am trying to believe that she really is not necessarily giving up all hope. But that for now (and I am fully aware that for now may very well turn into forever) she feels she can not be fair to me in a relationship until she gets these things figured out.

Ohhh I am not even sure I am making sense anymore. basically for now we are done. She is not committed to me. What I am trying to accept and ultimately embrace is that I can't continue to be committed to her either. otherwise I will be putting myself through uneeded emotional torture. I just have to accept things the way they are and move on.

I guess I am wondering how do people do this?

is it possible to not garner so much anger and resentment in this process towards her that if one day she does decide she made a mistake perhaps I can accept her back into my like.

And how do I manage that last part while still managing to move on. I mean I hear of people who get divorced and manage to remain amicable with each other. And what about people who seperate only to end up back together happily married?

Hopefully some of you can offer advice.