posted this in 2 places really want feedback

Hello everyone, interesting conversation. I must share with you what I am going through and what I am doing about it so maybe someone can tell me if I'm off base.
In May after 4 months of questioning my spouse about phone calls coming into our home on his business line, I finally found out he was talking to another women. I had his calls analyzed and found out it had been going on since before the first of the year. That day my husband struck me, sending me to the hospital, not before he call the police and told them I had beat him. Once the police arrived they saw how injured I was and that he had lied. They arrested him. After he was released from jail I put him up into a hotel, wanting to get to the root cause. So I had him come back home only to find out he had been seeing her in hotels for quite sometime and he was unwilling to stop seeing her, on June 1st I asked him to leave, I couldn't stand to live with someone I know was constantly lying and sleeping with someone else. I think I could sort through this however, we have been married for 15 years, dated for 2 years and this is his 3rd affair to my knowledge, 1996, 2001, and this one. I tried to get him into counseling after he left but he refused until the courts made him seek counseling. He is now in a heavy relationship with this other women who 2 weeks ago left her husband for mine. In NC you can file a law suit against the women who was having an affair with your spouse before you broke up and I have done this because my husband and her have total bankrupted us. My question is; even though he has done all of this I have feelings for him that wish things were different between us? Will filing this law suit cause him to fight with me even further? Should I even try to salvage a relationship when the other person repeated shows you his lack of respect? I must tell you I don't trust him, he is a chronic/pathological liar, however I have strong feelings about keeping my family together. I think he really loves this person even though he has only been having the affair for 8months and now cohabitating for 2 weeks. Please help

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You probably should be posting on general questions.

You need to keep your husband out of your life if he is abusive. Stick with us and we will help you through this.

Hi Lost ,
I'm also in NC. FYI, the "alienation of affection" usually only works when it is one of several reasons for filing for alimony, not as a stand-alone issue for just cause in divorce (unless you or your H are high profile and very rich). There are about 10-15 factors that are considered. For a list of the other factors, here's a link: Click here

Believer is right, if there is physical abuse you need to separate, and as you know, in NC you must be separated for a year before D can be filed. This rule was intended to allow both parties to work through their difficulties, get counseling, with the hopes of reconciliation. Do you have any children? Has he ever gone to counseling, either individual or marriage-related?


Definitely read THE ARTICLES (not just discussion forums) on this site, especially about "Plan A & Plan B" Click here for a link to that article. Another article to read would be "Coping with Infidelity" and here is that link:
Click here.
There are plenty of others, but these will get you started. There are plenty of old-timers here who have been through what you have and are willing to help when you post, but being familiar with the principles here first will really help.

<small>[ August 22, 2004, 05:24 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Aleination of affection actually sues the lover the spouse is not sued for anything. She new my souse was married and she was married and still went after him, of course he has equal responsibility, howevr he has depleted our funds to be with her. So the law suit would be against her.
We have been in counseling before, he felt he discovered why he had the affairs, because he needed lots of attention. I work full-time and he was doing this over lunch hours when he worked with her and then after he was fired, they met each other and he had to drive 40 minutes to meet her because he worked from home.
I'm just confused. Plan A seems to far gone, I'm always nice to him. Secondly, I am trying not to call him because he lies about what he is doing. For example his son fell down the stairs the other night and I ran to get him and fell myself. We both were injured pretty bad and had to go to doctors, they ruled out a lung injury, kidney injury but my son had numbness in the mid back area. My other son called his dad who wouldn't even help us because he was with her. He appears to have made his decision or choice, especialy if he wouldn't even help us when we were injured. He called the next day when he wasn't with her to check on us. It was insulting, but I was nice. I am confused as to which plan to use.