I mean in that special way by someone of the opposite sex!

I was setting at the fair tonight waiting for the concert to start and was watching couples, I don't know why just was and thought how sweet to feel that secure in someone elses love.

I then wanted to cry, I realized my xH stopped loving me, why? Was I that bad of a person? Does that mean that I am unloveable in that way? Sometimes this divorce thing really sucks!

Oh well, I know that I am loved by many people and the dog too. And that makes me feel great, I just miss the love the I shared with my xH and I don't see that down the road for myself again and am feeling a little blue. I just don't seem to meet anyone that is interesting.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Dawn,

Hon, I love ya, and you know I do. We have both been through a ringer with our exH's. We have both risen from the ashes like Phoenix birds to live again. I can honestly say that at the time my exH had his A's and we were seperating I thought I'd never be happy again. I was SO broken-hearted! But I learned and grew--and you have too, huh? We began to see the abuse (I mean, where WE could see it for ourselves and admit it to ourselves). We began to learn what feeling peaceful felt like. We began to slowly feel JOY again.

I remember when I first felt joy--or at least the first time I was aware of it. I felt a little guilty for not feeling sad/crushed/teary that my marriage was over. I was SEPARATED! I couldn't be happy.

I can honestly say that I NEVER (and I mean Ne-Ver) thought I'd ever feel loved again or ever have "that kind" of love in my life again. I just couldn't imagine it--too many years totally devoted to one man! So I was quite happy getting my life together, getting myself together, being an awesome mom to my kids, and playing with my puppy and kitten every night. I took a "time out" from the whole relationship scene and got mySELF stabilized.

Then...oh, what was it? About a couple of months ago, I thought, "Well, I'll give it a try...test the waters...see what's out there." You know, not really looking for WOOHOO love, but hoping that maybe it existed and I'd find it one day.

Dawn, if you want to be loved again, I am POSITIVE that you will be. Clearly you are a loveable person that way, because there are just so many people who see the real you and value you for who you are! If you weren't loveable, you know how MB is...we would 2x4 you into oblivion! haha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I bet you'll be a lot like me. I tried a little and had several..well let's just say they were "nice" dates but less than inspiring. And last week I had an inspiring one!! Now don't get me wrong--I'm not jumping the gun or thinking "commitment"--just this date was GREAT and the guy seemed just as interested back! YAY! Holy smoke--who knew?? Maybe it is possible after all. I was beginning to have my doubts. Now, I think I just move at a slower pace than most, and I'm picky and a little hesitant--but that's okay. I'll bet it will be similar for you...moving a little slower and being picky and then one day--you'll meet ONE guy who takes your breath away a little, and he'll be just as interested in you. Then...even if it doesn't work out you'll know--you will KNOW--that you will be loved again.

You ARE loveable, Dawn. You know that! You are a stunning human being and woman, special in every way. We treasure you here on the board! It's only a matter of time and patience until some lucky man (and I mean LUCKY) sees the treasure in you too.


CJ

P.S. You don't miss the love you shared with your exH--you miss the ILLUSION you had in your head of what you were sharing. That's important. I miss that illusion too at times, but it was unreal. I'd rather have reality.

Dawn-
I'm afraid to even ask this question........what happened to the guy you were seeing?
I have not posted to you - but have been following your progress. I was doing the happy homeowner dance with you recently! I bought my own house recently, and the boys and I moved in May and I am so enjoying having my very own house all to myself! So I was joyous with you - and today I am sad with you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I remember going to see Kenny Chesney last summer, with my sisiter, and looking at all the other couples and feeling like you do now.
It is such a sad place to be - you look at everyone esle and think "they have someone- whats wrong with me?"
Of course we don't know what sort of situation they go home to at night! Perhaps, after the concert, the W has to drive because the H is drunk - and he pukes all over the living room, and then he is a grouch all day the next day.
Dawn - you are learning right now, as we all are, that we are loved by SO MANY people! And, someday, God will bring a special person into our lives too.
hang in there sweetie!

Faithful,

Thanks for the words, I know the things you are saying, I've said them to others, it's just got me down a little bit as I really haven't even been hit on in any real way. I've done a lot of improving on myself and a lot of reflecting on who I am and perhaps why I'm not attracting any males at this time and I just don't get it. I've lost over a 100lbs, I think that I look pretty good, dress well, have nice vehicles, don't talk to much, am funny, have my own teeth so on and so on!!!! I try to keep an open mind!! I guess that it got me that the guy from church that I sort of have a crush on changed churches, this is the church that he has gone to his entire life. I just didn't get it!!


womanoffaith5,

It's the other Dawn "sunrise" that has the neat love story going on right nownot me!!! I am so happy for her though and pray that everything works out for them.

I do get what you mean when you say </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "they have someone- whats wrong with me?"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've looked hard at myself and have asked friends what is wrong with me that I am not dating. And a couple guys on the retreat last month said that I scare people in some ways, that I am very self assured and a very strong individual, I don't think that I really am, if people only knew what went on inside of me. But my friend and I can go have a drink at the bar and wont even be asked to dance, so I don't get it!

It would just be nice at the end of the day to have someone come up behind you and put their arms around you so you can lean back on them and have them take a little of the pressure off of you.

It's been other 3 years since we seperated and I am just not as patient waiting for the Lord to bring someone into my life as I was a few months ago. I am tired of being alone and was hoping to at least have a date or two under my belt my now!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

woman of faith...LOL

there are 2 of us here...


Dawn's, about the same age, same previous situation,we even have same occupation..sort of, and I am sunrise, and she is daybreak!!!!!

I know it is very confusing, but thats why the similar screen name..same name.

I am doing very well, I too never thought I would feel loved the way I do. I have never felt love like this ever before. Every thing he and I do has the best interest of the other in the front. I am not bragging, I am in total awe of God that he has given me this wonderful present, and he is a wonderful Godly man, we pray together every nite and morning, even though we are 100 miles apart right now, we are really together in all aspects and so looking forward to God providing the time for us to be married. One step at a time, I just hope God doesnt take to long. In the meantime we are packing everything into the weekends, and a couple of long weekends coming up will be wonderful. He took me to meet his sister last weekend, that went pretty good

and Dawn (Daybreak), you will find it when you least expect it. I'm not sure how your whole marriage was, but I know that my X never loved me.

I knew from the start what a huge mistake I made and I did my best to make it work....you know my X didnt even talk to me at all at our own wedding reception. He stayed in a corner and talked to 1 or 2 friends of his from high school the entire time!!!!

I felt so broken by all the abuse I had put up with that I felt I would never be happy. So I had to do what I had to do for me, go back to school and take care of myself, take care of my kids, and try to find some reason to laugh every day even though my heart was broken. I NEVER THOUGHT, but when I least expected it, on a vacation journey to a Bible Camp where I was so in touch with God, to the place that I had put all my trust in God when I was 7 years old, God saw fit to reward my unwavering faith 40 years later.

Keep taking care of yourself, you have come a long way since your divorce, keep your chin up and smile.

Love ya, Ill be praying for you.
Smiles,
Dawn (the other one!)

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

Dawn,

I'm thinking of a quote by the famous Mark Twain,

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like there's no one watching, sing like there's no one listening, live like it's heaven on earth."

Please excuse my french, but my mantra is "screw the audience, I'm there for the tan".

I've been there looking longingly at other couples. That time seems so far away now. Life is way too short to have regrets. Keep looking forward and stop looking back.

To answer your question, I'd say yes you will, unfortunately I don't know what the man upstairs has in store for you so I can't say how long it will take.

I don't have any unique words of wisdom here, but I want you to know that I feel your pain and have been there. The advice you have already been given is right on the money.

You are an awesome lady, never loose sight of that. Things will happen when you least expect them. Until then embrace each day and opportunity. You never know who might be watching.

Take care and God bless!
K

daybreak,

I'm completely with you. Many times I've mused the same thing, why did he just stop loving me, and will I ever be loved again, in that way that you see cuddly couples in love in public.

I have faith that both you and I will be loved again by someone that way someday.

Love yourself, and someone will be sure to fall in love with you!

Jen:)

http://www1.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=23609

check out this book- I ordered it but haven't received it yet. I talked to the author-Jim Kirkland-a minister- on the phone for 3 hours. when he finally decided he wouldn't ever trust his wife again unless she was physically standing in front of him he D'ed her. One night he wrote a very specific prayer- he didn't want to be alone and God loves specific prayer-the prayer was a list of what ne needed/wanted in a new mate. The Lord sent him the perfect new mate. PLEASE don't forget you are NEVER alone. You ARE a child of God and he wants you to be filled with Joy! SEEK and you shall find.......

PEACE OUT...and IN!!

Thank you all!!!

Like I said I know all of things that you all write of, but sometimes it's hard. I try really hard not to let that get me down, but sometimes it does and this is one of those weeks. I have acid reflux and it has been REAL BAD this week, I am not sleeping at night because of it but keep myself going through the day. I laid and cried last night I just wanted someone to be aware that I was hurting and I wanted comfort. I found it as I prayed and knew that I would.

But it's me that decides how long I let things get me down and it's time that I get back on with my life and the things that I am doing and enjoying in it right now, I just have to get the reflux under control, cause it makes me feel like crap!!!! I am going to go lay down and see if I can catch some of the zzzzzz's that I missed last night!!!

Thanks again for all of the support, you are the friends that know what it is I am talking about!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well Dawn, I have those feelings also. I go to events and see happy couples together and wonder why I have nobody. I see friends at church, couples who are still together and wonder why MY wife had to have an affair, when those wives did not. Then I think about my ex and her b/f and how they were kissing, hugging and making love before the divorce started and during the divorce and I really feel like I have been robbed.

But, so what? Feel the pain, acknowledge it and then do what must be done. I have started exercising to add a little definition to my body, lost weight, and am learning to do things women like to do such as dance and pottery.
Sooner or later things will have to break my way.

A lot of times I wonder this too. Will I be able to share in that special kind of love I had with my W if we are never to be again.

Sorry Miss Dawn for getting my Dawns mixed up!

Hoping you are doing better today and wishing you lived close by so you could go to the farmers market with me in the morning. I have a friend who is currently going through this crap. her WH left July 25 - and just moved in with OW Tuesday. She is going through all those first emotions right now. So I am going to pick her up in the morning and take her to the Farmers Market.
I have decided that last summer I was the one who was crying and felt awful. This summer I am feeling better - and trying to suuport a friend. I don't know what next summer will bring, but I am ever hopeful (it is sort of a sickness with me!!)
I was reading a comment the other day - can't even remember where I read it! It said that you know you are ready to be in a relationship when you are making plans for your future - regardless of whether or not you will have someone in your life. And if you meet someone, and they want to participate in those plans for the future, then you will know they are the right one. That comment really spoke to me. At times I have felt like I am in this waiting mode - waiting to be done healing, so I can meet someone, get married, and start my life over.
What crap! I am going to start my life over now, and if I meet someone to come along for the ride, so be it!
Hang in there

Dawn, I, too, have received those comments that I scare people away and that I'm strong and self-assured. For me, this is partly true - I've survived breast cancer, betrayal, learning to run a business alone, the suicide death of my stepson, who I raised from less than a year old, and I'm still fighting through an ugly divorce with a deranged alcoholic/addict who I've supported (along with the OW, BTW) for the past 3.5 years.

But, it's also partly a front to protect me from being hurt. I learned how to cope with rejection and loss as a child and carry that behavior into my present relationships. I learned to shut down my feelings, so that my relationships have been based on what others see on the outside, which is often incongruent with how I feel on the inside. I pushed a lot of people away without meaning to or even realizing I was doing it. Instead, it felt like rejection so I built the wall even thicker and higher.

I attended a grief recovery workshop last weekend (their website is www.grief-recovery.com and they have a book called The Grief Recovery Handbook and another, When Children Grieve, to help your children through a loss). They treat all losses the same whether it's death, divorce, moving, bankruptcy, etc., because they believe that we apply the same learned behaviors to them all, behaviors that may have saved our lives as children but that are damaging to us now. It was helpful in many ways.

I don't know if you relate to this, but I would imagine that besides betrayal and divorce, the loss of 100 pounds would also be huge loss (meaning "a change or an end to a familiar pattern of behavior" - in other words, we may even grieve when good things happen if they bring big changes in our lives). As CJ said, you are a wonderful, special, loveable woman and believing this about yourself is the most important thing.

Wow. I think I may have just realized another reason why the woman I'm so crazy about doesn't seem to have guys chasing after her: she's got a strong leader-type personality.

I had assumed that - given her stance against dating anyone at all right now while she focuses on her relationship with God - either God is protecting her from outside distractions, or else that most of the guys who find her attractive (and who wouldn't, given her many outstanding qualities?) recognize that she is simply out of their league. Now, though, I have to wonder how many might not be intimidated by her...

That said, I need to point out that if being yourself (as opposed to putting on a false front) turns guys away, then...so much the better. When a man gets interested in you for who you are, and wants to encourage you to be yourself, he won't be intimidated. And I believe he's the guy you want.