Hi,

I am new to this board, I ususally post on the Pregnacy/child board. I have been living this roller coaster of a life for 11 months now and could not take it anymore. I have recently filed for a Divorce from my WH. He has been living two lives for the past 11 months. When I found out about the affair I was furious and threw him out of the house. We were working on our Marriage at least I thought we were. I was in Plan A and struggling with it but doing it still. I saw what I thought was improvements only to find out five months later when OW called my home looking for him; she then told me that he lived with her and she was pregnant with his child.

H was home with me that night and was hurt ( so he pretended)that she had the nerve to call me. He told me that he wanted to come home , but did not know how to when he had someone else pregnant.

To make a long story short after all of that he continued to live outside of the home even after I gave him keys. He came home to use every night and played happy family with me and the kids including my stepson from his previous marriage, and continued to leave us every night. July 28, I found out that he was leaving us to go home to her. He'd never left. He had the nerve to still deny it and even lied about when OC was to be born. i have my sources and knew when OC was born and he still lied to me. He even gave that child our last name.

How could he do this to our family? I could not take anymore lies and filed for D. He was not being faithful or committed to our family at all. he has continued to lie to me and our kids daily. He has made no real committment to our family. Yes he was paying bills and cutting grass and buying groceries and stuff, but that was his responsibility to our family!

The level of disrespect just got worse and worse. He verbally abused me as well as psychologiacally. He was living two lives playing happy family with two seperate housholds. He is with OW and her three kids plus their new baby(? no DNA done)in a small apt. When he left a 4br home with his wife and three biological kids.

When I changed the locks he immediateley started with the verbal attacks/disrespect. He called me every name in the book.

All in all I still love him but know that I can not live like this any longer. I have done all that I can do!

I hate to be in this situation but see no other way out? Do you see anything?

How do you handle Divorce? How do I keep it together for my kids they are so small? How do I heal in this process?

What did I do WRONG? Help me Please?

JT

First, find a good counselor for yourself. By taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally, you are helping yourself to be a better parent to your children during a very difficult time. Depending on your mental state, don't exclude the possibility of med (anti-depressants). There are many quizzes online to test for depression.
This is a huge rollercoaster. There are many great books on the subject, and many great people on these boards for advice. The library is a great (free) resource.
I highly suggest a divorce support group. Try to find one locally. Just knowing that you are not alone in your situation helps, and many people may have already experienced what you have and can offer great advice.
Breathe deeply, it's a long ride.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What did I do wrong? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avoid such statements. Stop blaming yourself. You will heal, but statements like this can be detrimental to your recovery.
As your children get older there is a peer group counseling program called rainbows.org to help them recover emotionally. And there are many great books on how to answer your children's questions - of which there'll be many.

Thank you Newly,

The reponse you gave me was very helpful.. I am still finding myself overwhelmed by this whole ordeal. I just have no where else to go. I did not know that it would be like this. I am having trouble dealing with this whole situation. My H just doesn't seem to want to change I always thought when faced with the decision he would not chose his family.

It hurts so much until I just want to cry all the time. He is not supporting me the kids nothing. It is awful. I feel so abandoned and confused. But thank you for responding to me.

JT

Hello and welcome JT2

I, too, have small children. I cannot tell you the pain, sadness and anger I experience. Others will give you the wisdom of their experiences, too. I am still teetering on the edge of a divorce, so I cannot give you specific advice. I do know you should contact a good lawyer ASAP, just to get the gist of what will happen next.

Good luck! This whole business is not to be rushed, so take it slow so that you and your precious kids are the winners.

In some ways having small children are a blessing they tend to follow your lead. Older children , however, begin form their own opinion and will sometimes challenge you about the divorce. My husband has been gone for over a year. My kids are teens and older. They happen to understand things a little better. So I am grateful.

My advice to you is to pray & fast if you are a christian. Seek sound godly counsel from your church or community. And please don't forget good legal counseling. Sometime we can get the short end of the stick if we don't have the proper counseling. You will not can make it if you keep your mind on Christ and not the crisis. Seek him for all your answers. I will be praying for you.

thank you so much for the responses. I have a very good attny and she has advised me well. My H did such a sloppy job of hiding his affair and OC until it is unreal. I have tapes of threatening messages and such that he has left on my machine. He has just turned out to be so ugly about everything, but last week he was still telling me that he wanted his family, and loved his kids.

JT