This question is for the Other Man or Other Woman, or you if you ever got an answer to it.

We are not animals who cannot control our urges. People who fall into bed together CHOOSE TO do so. Why don't the Other People respect the marriage that exists?

I'm up too late. At a certain point, everything is funny. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OP's are persons who CHOOSE to behave like animals who cannot control their urges and have no respect for existing marriages.

That's the nature of the beast.

THEN, because they have the human "ability" to rationalize and justify their own actions they say STUPID things like, "We're in love." (They're in lust.) Or, "He/she is my SOULmate." (They're each other's sexmates).

There's no reasonable, rational explanation.

They have become... temporarily... insane... cause it ain't their brains they're a'thinkin' with.

lol

Laura

I agree with Laura lee, She is up too late but she is also right.

I can't say from personal experience, but I have seen what she say's to be true.

I actually had a girl hit on me at a party one time and when I told her that I was married and she should spend her time with someone else, she actually told me that I was more of a chalenge for her because I was married.

Pretty clear she was thinking with something other than her brain!


WIWH

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 11:48 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

LSG: I haven't heard OM's reason but WxW's was "Because God brought him into my life.". So he was a gift from God. Can't argue with that one, huh?

deafjeff-I heard the same line. "it was of God" but what is really funny that in a round-about way it may have been. Upon seperating my husband went into a church recovery home where he met his now girlfriend. Of course, she "prayed and fasted" about her feelings for him, blah, blah, blah. And his take on it was that "it was of God". And I thought "yea right, God is going to bring you a girl half your age when you are still married in a church recovery home" Wake up, it was Satan. But what kind of worked to my benefit is that she is just like him, if not worse and has given him a taste of his own medicine. She was pulling the same crud that he had put me through. I would always say that I wished he'd understand how badly he's hurt me by the way he's acted and treated me. He's even admitted to me that now he's on the other side of it and can see what it's like.

"Our" OW was trying to "help" my WH, since his M was "over". Oh, what fog they babble to justify the pain...

Lone Star Girl,

Very good question. IMO, the reason most OP don't respect the marriage is because the WS doesn't respect the marriage.

Think about it, if the person you married who vowed to love and honor you doesn't repect your marriage, how can we expect a total stranger who doesn't even know or care about you to respect your marriage.

Just my take on it.

SAL

The OM couldnt respect his own marriage, so how could he respect mine.

Sad,
it wasn't a stranger. It was someone who knew me, was at our wedding, and pretended to be my friend.

I found this out AFTER it ended (and I ended it because of abuse and not because he was having an affair).

I got a letter from the other woman. She found out all the court problems I was having (he was already on to who knows what woman). The woman that I knew about said that he TOLD her that he was separated and filing for divorce and that he was spending time with his kids the best he could and because the kids wanted mom and dad to be together he didn't want to introduce the kids to her and hoped that she understood. He played me to any woman he met as mentally ill and he was protecting the children. (Add in the big blue eyes and the pout as he stands there acting as if he's all so innocent). The woman he is with now, I suggested that she go to the court house (gave her the file number) and told her it was public knowledge.

Scary thing is -- I met a man the other day, my friends ex husband and WOW did he seem like a wonderful man, and good gracious what is my friend doing divorcing him?????? Thing is, I know all the bad things this guy has done. Scares the He(( out of me KNOWING the bad things he's done and here he is *looking* and *appearing* all normal! So knowing this...how does one trust someone again? How does one believe all the things they say?

Do I blame the other woman? Nope. Not one bit. If she pursued him knowing he was married, yet, but in my case she had NO idea. All she had to go on is what he presented. How many of us in here would go to the limit of checking him out in court, or hiring an investigator? (ME!!! ME!!! ME!!!!)

Elan,
even if he lied to her like he lied to me (and that is VERY likely because he is a chronic liar), she knew/knows that we were/are still married.

some peeps just don't give a damn....and I guess your ex is hooked up with one of those. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Nothing you can do about it, though I'm sure we'd all like to know the underlying motives of what these people are thinking.

Hey Gang,

Gotta go with the WS didn't respect the M, needed some EN's they felt they weren't getting, was taken aback by the newfound attention of someone else/new and it went too far before they could stop it.

Seems pretty simple to me that if you are M and get hit on you simply say you are taken. Sure, it's cool to have someone take an immediate liking to you and want to screw your brains out,[nothing like an ego boost] but, that's just wrong. I've been hit on already, yeah, believe it or not, and I brush it off mentioning my W, children, 4 cats, Siberian Husky and 2 Hermit crabs are waiting for me to return home with the much needed groceries. For added effect if you tell the "hitter" that they [affore mentioned] are all diabetic it makes it much easier to leave. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But that's only me and I could be wrong.

I can only speak for myself and my own experience...and keep in mind I am making no excuses for my behaviour.

I was married when I met xMM. We met through work both of our spouses were aware of the meeting, even supportive. It never crossed my mind to get involved with him. I was in a terrible marriage, abusive etc. My self esteem was at an all time low. I knew I needed to get a divorced but didn't know how...sounds so stupid now. Anyway, we met, hit it off and started a friendship. He lived so far away that even after spending time with him, it never occured to me that anything would happen, and it didn't...in the beginning. He made me feel good about myself and when I returned home I asked for a divorce. It was what I needed to get out. We maintained our communication both on a professional level and as friends...then the tone changed, and he started paying a lot of attention to me. I fell hook line and sinker for it. A man thought I had value. The next time we met, the affair started. I did get out of my marriage, and once I left even tried to get out of the affair, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead of being dependant on my abusive husband, I became emotionally dependant on him. It lasted a long time. He was my best friend, saw me through my divorce and subsequent crazy behaviour of my ex. He was my rock. How could I leave him? I was so in love with him...blind to reality.

Well the fall out is well known...I got pregnant, he told his wife, and I got hit with the reality real hard. Nothing he told me in the three years was the truth, and I was too deluded to see it.

Again, not making excuses, just answering the question asked. So yes, I knew he was married. I know now that all I was to him was someone to feed his ego. My adoration of him made him feel good. he was never the man I thought he was...all he is, is a man capable of lying, to his wife, to me and more importantly to himself. He is a man capable of abandonning his child, so that the world never sees him for what he really is...a cheater. I too am a cheater, but I do not hide my mistakes. I screwed up, and I paid dearly for it. I am still paying. The background check...I highly recommend it...my ex looks normal on the outside too but he regularly beat the crap out of me. I don't know how you ever trust again...maybe it starts with trusting yourself not to put your faith in the wrong men. I have failed myself, my family, and my friends. I read the steroetypes of OW and that is something I have to live with the rest of my life...I am one of them.

Anyway..now I am just rambling...

Twilight,
in my case, my WH is enjoying no such enlightenment. I believe he is currently dating the OP, and I predict this person will become his next wife when the D is final. (We live separately.)

LSG,
This may give you some insight into the mind of the WS and OP.

Hope the link works <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://www.drphil.com/show.jhtml?contentld=2141_mistress.xml

Look for the title "Inside the mind of a mistress"