After 20+ yrs of marriage, my wife feels I'm not the person she wants to continue to be with. With younger children and a lot of love I still feel for her I not sure what to do. I was given a list of issues that she feels makes our marriage so irreconiable, but many of the points I feel are things that you should be able to talk through.ie inability to clearly and openly communicate, or ignoring and/or denial of issues, even when they have been shared or communicated repeatedly, and the list goes on. She talks of the lack of compatibility in key areas and I'm especially troubled by this one since we share and have shared many of the same values especially on things like family values, children,and the likes.
I'm not sure if it was just out of frustation she even said that she didn't think our marriage was "ever about us". Mind you while we have had our differences up until the recent year I thought we had a pretty good relationship and marriage.
Controlling

I can relate

My marriage collapsed on year 20 too. I was a good provider but a poor communicator. I thought everything was fine. She was very troubled and sought emtional support outside the marriage. Suddenly the affair was revealed. In your case, no such issue has been raised. Maybe she has another? I would probe to determine if your wife is cheating.

If so, try Plan A/B first.

ok...here's a woman who's talking and giving an opinin here for all it's worth.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but many of the points I feel are things that you should be able to talk through </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe she has been talking but feels you haven't been listening or that you haven't heard her side. I heard a quote lately....God gives you ONE mouth and TWO ears.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">inability to clearly and openly communicate, or ignoring and/or denial of issues, even when they have been shared or communicated repeatedly, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe YOU think it has been shared or communicated repeatedly, but the simple fact that she's bringing these points up AGAIN means she feels she hasn't been heard or understood.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She talks of the lack of compatibility in key areas </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like what? If she has little kids underfoot and you're raring to go when lights go out, you are darn rights there is compatibility in "key" areas. Maybe it's just timing. Maybe it's something else (since you don't indicate what the compatibility problems are)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm not sure if it was just out of frustation she even said that she didn't think our marriage was "ever about us". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you ever ask here what was your marriage about? I think you might have a lot of answers to those questions.

Marriage is all about hearing the other person and having an open mind to different views and opinions. Your name "Controlling" makes it sound like it's your way or the highway. It would be very difficult to live with a controlling person.

just my $.02

k...'scuse all the typo's and spelling errors! No coffee yet!!!!