OK, I moved out with my kids in December 2002. He had a "friend", but was not physically unfaithful, as far as I could tell. We were arguing all the time. I took the kids, but we didn't tell them it was because of problems between us. I guess I was hoping he would follow us.
In March and July 2003, he came to see the kids. He and I did not spend any time together -- I guess I had built up the walls. No talk of reconciliation, but he said there was no need to rush into a divorce.
In September 2003, he asked for a divorce. After all the ****ty years I stuck it out, I was so angry. I got him to agree to wait until after Christmas. He agreed. In the meantime, I met my boyfriend.
It was kind of a thrill because when my H came to visit the kids, I had a date night with my boyfriend. He'd been getting IM's and emails from his little friend, and it irritated me. And when I came home, and saw how my H looked, I felt powerful somehow. I managed to avoid divorce talk.
He asked again in April of 2004. He had gone to a lawyer and sent me papers. I said I agreed and I'd sign them. Ohhhhhh dear, I forgot....but apparently, so did he!
He didn't ask again until July. I said I'd get around to it. He asked in August. I said I'd been busy, I'd get to it when I went on vacation. He asked again the other day. I told him the lawyer was away due to a family crisis.
Is he STUPID or do I actually have that much power over the children, that he is afraid I can keep them from him?
His little friend must be going nuts!

I am sorry, but it is driving me crazy. I couldn't plan A because we were so far apart, and I've plan B'd so long, and he doesn't respond.

I feel so confused about everything. I broke up a while back with the fellow I was seeing, but recently we are being friends again. I always wanted my marriage back, but I got so frustrated. I suppose I wanted to have someone who wanted me.

Now I don't know what to do. I am so angry and hurt, and I guess I have moved on, so I don't want to be married, but I still get so angry.

Let's see if I got this right. You left your H in December 2002 because he was involved in an EA [emotional affair]. You say that you always wanted your marriage yet the following year you had an affair of your own which you flaunted in your H face. I'm sorry but your actions do not match your words.

Is it possible that you are angry and hurt not just because of what your H did to you but what you did to him as well?

I didn't mean to "flaunt it in his face". It just sort of happened. It felt good to have someone want me. I didn't tell H about R (new guy), and I told the kids not to. I told H that someday (after he got rid of his friend) I hoped we could be friends.

But H now is pushing me HARD to finalise the divorce. I guess he wants to marry his little friend. And it makes me really angry, that someone I built my world around can just throw me away like that.

I'm sorry for my harsh comments but my point was that by you having an affair you may have put the last nail on the coffin of your marriage.

As far as his insistence for the divorce to be finalized, why does he need you to finalize the divorce? He can get the divorce finalized himself without your help. It may take him a little longer and cost him much more but if he wants the divorce that badly then he should be more than willing to pay for it. Unless you changed your mind and do want the divorce, I suggest that you don't do anything to help him divorce you. If the divorce ever materializes, then HE would be solely responsible for it.