and I even avoided venting here when he did it the FIRST time. But now that he's done it a SECOND time, and is planning a worse thing ...


My DD is 6 and has been interested in soccer for over a year. I signed her up for AYSO and she just started practices two weeks ago. Her first game is tonight.

The first practice was during XH's parenting time. He neglected to WAKE UP to take her to it. Strike one. Maybe once would be understandable ... maybe he hit off instead of snooze on the alarm clock ... whatever. No, it didn't help AT ALL that Grandma was there and was supposed to wake him, and she "forgot" ... if this had been a DS thing and not a DD thing, I'm sure he'd have been there 15 minutes early.

The second practice was during his time. He did manage to find the practice field and get her there. That was an accomplishment. A real feather in his cap. She played in practice like she's been doing this for years.

The third practice was during my time, and I brought both kids. Our son played his Gameboy during practice, and XH spent 85% of his time talking to DS and ignoring DD on the field. (Which is maybe a good thing, since he likes to holler out what she's doing wrong. Never heard a 'good job' uttered.) She didn't get 'into' practice like before. Still got in there and played, but you could see the steam wasn't there.

The fourth practice was last night. I found out Tuesday night, and called XH. No answer, left a message. Called again yesterday afternoon. No answer, left a message. Called about 15 minutes before practice ... he answered. Didn't get the other messages (it's his parents house and his parents answering machine, he argued, so he didn't invade their privacy *grr*) and didn't want to bother with taking the kids to practice as what is normally a 20 minute drive, he claimed would take him 45 minutes and the practice would be almost over.

The final straw was when I picked the kids up at 8:00 last night. He said he is not coming to her first game (tonight) and his mother (the doting Grandma who videotapes every major and minor accomplishment of DS) will not be coming either.

DD is 6 years old mind you, no longer a little baby who doesn't notice this crap. He is creating a very, very angry girl.

I am trying to get as much of my family to turn out as possible. This is just as important to DD as Cub Scout stuff is to DS yet the XH and out-laws are proving once again what I've been saying ... they do NOT treat the kids equally.

I'm in a venting mood too.
AHX decided to feign interest in DD7's first day of school and showed up when I dropped her off. I asked why he didn't drop of DD5 for her first day?
So, AH drove 45 min. each way to spend 1 minute with DD, yet can't be bothered to take DD to dentist 3 minutes from his house? And the dentist is to reset the device for thumbsucking that X demanded!

They are all AHs.

X's mom dropped off girls yesterday and complained that he has no time iwth the kids. I kept my mouth shut about him refusing any extra time offered, and that he never asked for any time. XMIL is still under the delusion that her dear son actually was an involved parent before the split. AGGH!

xbuttercup - you can vent - but really it won't do any good - my girls - are now ages 11 and 14 - and my mother - My mother mind you - has this boy thing - she shows up for all of my brothers boys stuff - my sisters son's stuff my other sisters son's stuff - but really pays no attention to my girls - I think at some point is used to bother them but now they don't care.... and I have let it go and do not let it bother me... anymore... You cannot change how people are when it comes to the boy vs. girl stuff... And as for exhusbands - well my ex - as you may know hardly spends anytime with either child - and when he buys them something it is always something more for one than the other - example - took youngest school shopping - bought four things spent $75 - took oldest school shopping bought 7 things - spent - like $150 - thought he was making up for christmas when he screwed over the oldest child - but doesn't realize that he has to treat them both the same - and in fact probably never will... So I just say - because I have been dealign with this crap for over three years - I am sorry - I don't know why your dad only comes to one cheerleading game, one dance competition - has absolutely nothing to do with your school schedule - and maybe if you are lucky will call you once a week - when he knows that you are not home... I just try to be at everything and support them 100% and frankly it is their father -their grandparents fault they are loosing out... my ex's mom believes it is my fault that he never sees my girls because I turned them against him - they have heard to much - and you know what that used to bother me - but frankly it is her fault that she only talks to them when they are with him - not mine.... So you can only be 100% and not let his lack of participation bother you ...

Well, I've managed to keep from venting at him because I know it will not only do NO good, but might even make DD's situation worse. DS is spoiled there, and DD is treated very harshly. It is hard not to get mad when they return my little girl emotionally bruised. Especially when it is MY house that she feels safe in, and acts out the worst. XH tries to make me look like the bad guy because he claims he never has trouble with her (hitting, yelling, etc.) and doesn't get that she is a SHELL at their house.

I don't wanna get all paranoid here, but I see a little girl that may become s*xually active at a young age, trying to get positive attention from older males. That scares me.

She wants to talk to DS's counselor that he sees because of his anger issues at home (he objects to my authority as he has full reign at XH/grandma's) and I think it is probably a GREAT idea, now that XH's colors are showing bright and clear.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Especially when it is MY house that she feels safe in, and acts out the worst. XH tries to make me look like the bad guy because he claims he never has trouble with her (hitting, yelling, etc.) and doesn't get that she is a SHELL at their house.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can so relate to this statement. Keeping up the act takes such a toll on the kids. We did it for years too, without recognizing it.
Both of mine act out at our house. They were told they aren't allowed to cry at dad's house!

She had an awesome game! They lost 0-3 but what they lacked in talent, they made up for in enthusiasm! LOL They were totally outmatched this time around. Don't know if the other team had a better coach or more experienced players, but DD's team did their best and had fun, which is all I wanted for her. She can't wait 'til next weeks' game. She is really excited about my mother coming to see her, and maybe her uncle too. She didn't mention anything about dad not being there.