My W of 4+ yrs (no kids) has been sleeping on the other side of the house for 4 months. I only realized we were having serious problems 6 months ago. She internalizes a lot, and I had not made it easy to resolve conflicts w/o taking things personally in the past.
We've been in therapy (joint and indiv. for 4 months). We've only had 4 joint sessions and indiv. session every other week during that time b/c the therapist is really busy. She knows us well by now, so I don't want to switch counselors. Our main issues have to do with my 32 yr. old W wanting independence since she was not happy with our M. She has been unhappy with my immature behavior (got married to early when I was 24), but she never told me what was upsetting her.
The last 6 months, I have tried everything on this site, HisN/HerN, and Lovebusters, that I could do solo. I have not been perfect, and have done things that are LoveBusters. Early, we had some nasty (verbal) arguments. Repeatedly, I have expressed a desire to fix things. My counselor says I have put almost too much energy into things, so there is no pressure on her to work.
She started going out with her friends every weekend (always home before 3-4AM). She stopped wearing her ring in May. I caught her calling a guy that she met while out (she said it never got physical and they were only flirting). Of course, I got upset, which is a major LB, and I am waiting for this month's bill to see if she is still calling him. She says our emotional bond is broken, and as sad as it is, she doesn't know how to fix it. She thinks a trial seperation is a good idea.
I don't know if the 6 months of "trying" were plan A. I tried to be supportive and meet her needs, but I certainly slipped with anger a few times. I told her that if she were to stay here, she'd have to stop calling the guy and continue counseling. She agreed, but says the counseling (the 1-2 sessions/month) aren't working and seeing each other daily keeps making it worse. We are living as friends/roommates which is painful, and I still don't trust her to be telling the truth.
If she moves out for a trial separation, is that plan B (especially if there is no letter)? I gave her time to look for an apt., and I am not sure if that was a mistake. Even while living here, contact goes between friendly and cold. We often pursue seperate activities so we don't see each other, but that is just as painful since we speak on the phone throughout the day. With the hurricanes in FL, we spent days together and are still working as a team on the house and pets (a good thing). But I can't distinguish whether that's friendship or progress.
Is dragging this out going to make it worse, or is it likely to aggrevate the situation by leaving/kicking her out? I have no proof that she is still calling the other guy, or how far it went? Is a plan A or a plan B appropriate at this point?
