My husband and I love each other a lot. We both know this. We both came from abusive homes--physical, sexual, emotional and we've come a long, long way together but he has a behavior I just can't fathom. I think it is obsessiveness. First in our relationship he wanted to have sex at least 3 times a day and would be offended if I couldn't keep up. Then after our son was born I realized that he was also masturbating at least twice a day in addition to waking me up day after day at 4 AM with crude sexual advances. He could not stop his advances to me even though he knew they offended me. It got so bad that he had open friction burns on his penis. We have been working through this, he got some counseling, started on prozac to help with his compulsions and things have improved. It has gotten to the place where I feel as though I can approach him in a sexual context without being overwhelmed by his drive and forgotten in the act. Now he is on to fishing: he lives, sleeps, eats and breathes fishing. He orders every fishing magazine he sees, buys things for his boat and if I ask him where the money came from he tells me he saved it--but I handle all the finances because he doesn't want to and I don't know where the money came from. He has taken up fishing with an older guy from work and he leaves us at home and goes all day even though he knows I am hurt--he told me that he has to go without me because we don't have a babysitter and he doesn't want Bruce to stop asking him to go. And Bruce's wife doesn't get upset... We used to fish together until he became consumed with it. Now we can't fish together because I'm not "serious" about it. He has even taken to furtively looking up fishing sites on the internet and clicking out of them the second I enter the room (?). Then I started thinking, before fishing there was weight lifting. He had to lift 5 days a week and it took 4 hrs a night. And I couldn't lift with him because my routine "wasn't what he needed" so I ended up staying home again. We would only see him for supper; he worked 10 hour days and week-ends. And then I thought, it is the same with his work. If the job is 7 days and 70 hours he works it. The other guys will take days off but not my husband(except right now work is interfering with fishing so he went to a 40 hr job). When he played pool, the same thing. I've come to think this has nothing to do with the activity itself. I think it is some kind of obsessive or addictive behavior. And then I will hear him tell his mother(who lives 5 hours away) we are having problems because I think he fishes-lifts-works-plays pool too much. I think that is what he really thinks. I don't think he sees that these things consume him. With each activity I become a liability, even if he is with me his mind is filled with what he could be doing if he didn't have to be with me. And if he is doing something with me that isn't sex he falls asleep. He was also this way as a kid with sports and was quite an athlete even at a very young age. I feel like each activity is as potent as heroin for my husband. Is anyone familiar with this type of behavior pattern? It is hurting our marriage regardless of love.

Lorra,
Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, my husbands addiction is cars. He orders every magazine, works on them, has hotwheels, and everthing pertaining to them. But I truly can't give you any advice on his needing to stay so active in whatever it is that moment. I believe the two of you should go to marriage counseling and take the emotional needs questionaire from this site. It should help you out if he is willing to take it and you both try to meet those need. Hopefully starting tomorrow you will have post from other members who have been through this. God Bless!