Hi all. Well, I tried to avoid this board for as long as possible, but here I am. Been going through this for 20 months, and WH and OW have been "not living together" for over a year. I am done with him, and would not take him back. However I still have all of this stuff to work through. Here is an article I found somewhere. Would like to share it with you.


Loving detachment is a healthy huge step in the right direction. What is says is "I may have been blind and blindsided, but now I see clearly what was obscured in the affair fog. I not only was involved in a catastrophe of unimaginable horror, but survived it.

But merely surviving is not good enough, for I refuse to be victimized and/or a bystander in my life any longer. I deserve to thrive in my life, so I will make the choices that will allow me the best opportunities to do that.

I will take each day as it comes, do the best I can in each moment with one foot firmly in the present and one foot heading for a great future. Every day I will do what I can when I can to make sure that happens, moment to moment.

I am not willing to handcuff someone to me to travel that life journey with me. If they choose to do so voluntarily, I expect the Golden Rule to be one of our main operating principles. I will not accept someone I am in a primary relationship with to make unilateral decisions that affect me.

I will not accept that I give or get less than I would want for myself or any loved one. The greatest gift one soul can give another is the one of themself, the gift of loving and being loved. I will not give or treat that privilege lighty when offered to me. It is too valuable, priceless because it is special and unique, to give or get yet waste it by not recognizing and acting on its full potential as well as its true reality.

Some may love with all they've got, but it may not be enough to be a healthy relationship. Some may love "too much" which is just as damaging in its own way.

I will focus on loving detachment in order for my partner and myself to have the best environment in which to grow and live in as healthy and successful manner as we deserve and need. It is not an option, it is a daily necessity.

I will love and be loved with the awareness that love is a decision and a privilege, not a cage of any type for either of us."