Simple question I am asking myself today. I DO NOT want this divorce. I believe my H loves me, that he will be happiest (and we too, obviously) if he stays with me and the kids, and has no guarantee that he will be happier with OW, IF she leaves her H. I know he will not be happier by himself. We are not, were not, and unhappy couple. Just an H with a MLC and infatuated with his A partner.

This just doesn't make sense.

You do NOT HAVE to do anything you do not want to do. Who told you that you have to file for divorce? If you don't want a divorce why would you file?

YOu don't have to file for divorce if you don't want to of course. But you need to protect yourself fiancially so if you have legal separation in your state go with that until you decide what you want.

Believe me, I am doing what I need to do to protect myself financially. (attorney, mediator, etc.) I guess somewhere along the line I was told that I should do it, as a matter of pride, or to make a stand...whatever. Now that H is moving forward with his plans to move out, I am not going to make things easy on him by filing out forms, making payments, etc. The bottom line is, I am hoping he will change his mind about wanting a divorce, so why should I facilitate this?

I think we will continue with the mediation, regardless. I am just hoping 1) maybe the cold hard facts that come out of the mediation will make him reconsider 2) the mediation doesn't turn ugly and jeprodize any chance for reconciliation.

I love my H, want my marriage, want to protect my kids from hurt. He's the one who wants out, so he can take care of this little item.

If you don't want to file - then don't do it..

I too don't want a D - but, WH is still having multiple EA/PA. It's tough to sit back and let them "do there thing". I have good days where I don't care what he's doing and other days that his A's consume me..I'm gonna sit back and wait it out - hardest thing I'll ever do (at least that's what I say today).

As a matter of pride, yes, it would look better if you filed but who cares how it looks..Many friends don't understand WHY I haven't filed yet - duh,,becoz, I still love him how's that for an answer - and I bet that's why you are holding off too..Don't rush into anything for Pride - do what your heart tells you...

I can't help but comment here. I too don't want this divorce but I filed after more than a year of waiting for my WH to get over his A. All I can add is that I had told myself a year ago that if nothing had changed in a year (and it hadn't) that I couldn't go on being treated this way. I know that my divorce will take about a year to go through, and as hard as it was to be the one to file, I know that there is an end to this mess. I do not want to go on in this fake relationship anymore. I am moving on with my life and taking my broken heart with me.

I am also going thru a DV that I filed but didn't really want overall. In my case, it was a matter of being tired of being in limbo, feeling like Plan B wasn't going to do anything for us (because he was moving further away emotionally anyway...I was meeting no needs), he is an alcoholic/substance abuser which further complicates things, and he was making financial threats. I filed to put an end to things and to protect myself and my kids financially.

Had I not had some of those issues (the substances and the financial threats), I may well have still been waiting myself. I had many friends who from the beginning said "File on him! How could you take him back after what he did." Uh, 'cause I love him.

I still go back and forth wondering if I made the right move. I let go because I felt I had no other choice.

But if you have another choice, or still have hope, there is no reason to give up on it at this point.

LL