I dated my wife for eight years and we've been married for 17 years so we've been together for over twenty years. For the most part things have been going great except for the past two years. There are main problems between us are a lack of trust and respect for each other, which we never had before. We've been through counseling and we've had many discussions but we always seem to keep fighting about the same topics and can't get anything resovled. Just when I think that we're starting to move forward, I'll find notes that she writes to herself around the house that outlines how much she thinks I'm a control freak that's incapabale of love and affection and she goes on to say that she can't believe anything that comes out of my month. By no means do I consider myself a control freak, I'm a hard working guy that likes to have fun and provide for my family. I have no idea where she gets these ideas but I'm afraid to approach her on them becasue she'll think I was snooping. Some of the issues have to do with our extended families and how they treat us but I think the biggerst problem is that we are just starting to fall out of love. We have two small children and I want to keep things together for their sake even though I know that's sometimes not the best way to handle things. Please help if you can I'm at the end of my rope.

fjj,
It's good you are at MB. You may want to post on another forum because hopefully this Divorced forum is premature for your situation.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: ...main problems between us are a lack of trust and respect for each other </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What happened to cause this? There must have been specific incidents that led to this lack.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you said: I'll find notes that she writes to herself around the house that outlines how much she thinks I'm a control freak that's incapabale of love and affection and she goes on to say that she can't believe anything that comes out of my month </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The fact she's leaving the notes for you to find should tell you something.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: By no means do I consider myself a control freak </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But the fact is, SHE considers you one. So there is some behavior in you that might need to change.

You said you have both gone to counseling. Why not take the Emotional Needs Questionnaire together? Here's the link:
Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Hi Avondale,

THanks for the reply. I hope I am being premature by being in the divoce section but I can't see us moving froward with the situation like it currently is. I don't know how the trust and respect levels went bad, I suspect when we had children and our carrees started to take off that we spent more time on them then eachother. I know she does not like my family at all, yet we really don't have a close relationship weith them so I don't want to make them the main reason that we are fighting. I should have mentioned that the notes she's been writing have not been laying around the house in the open she has them in her dresser I found them while I was snoopiung one night. The reason I was snooping is becasue I think she might be having an affair. The reason I think this is after we have a discussion about something she tends to take a shower late at night do up her hair and put on makeup to take the dog for a walk. THe reason I know this is just last week she was doing it, around 11:30 at night and I woke up and asked her who she was going to see. She said she was taking the dog for a walk and I said nbo one gets all dressed up to take a walk. She left in a huff and came back about an hour later. THe last thing I want to do is get divorced but I feel like a chump right now and I want to make sure I've thought everything through before getting divorced. Thanks for lending an ear...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
<strong> fjj,
It's good you are at MB. You may want to post on another forum because hopefully this Divorced forum is premature for your situation.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: ...main problems between us are a lack of trust and respect for each other </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What happened to cause this? There must have been specific incidents that led to this lack.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you said: I'll find notes that she writes to herself around the house that outlines how much she thinks I'm a control freak that's incapabale of love and affection and she goes on to say that she can't believe anything that comes out of my month </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The fact she's leaving the notes for you to find should tell you something.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: By no means do I consider myself a control freak </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But the fact is, SHE considers you one. So there is some behavior in you that might need to change.

You said you have both gone to counseling. Why not take the Emotional Needs Questionnaire together? Here's the link:
Emotional Needs Questionnaire </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">