Do not even know why I am writing this other than I am just being selfish and trying to do things my way. My wife and I recently seperated. She left with the kids and is currently living with friends and the man she is currently having an affair with. She admits, as well as friends and family that the kids should not be living in the environment that they are living in. Anyway it has been roughly two months. I know that it is God's will that we come back together and work things out. I know this through things that are happening between us. This is great. What is not great is she is not ready to come back yet, which is fine as well. I am willing to wait for her as long as it takes. Problem is the kids. How long should I wait before I use the means available to get them out the enviroment in which they live ? And do not think I am doing this in spite, I am not. They are 6 and 4, they sleep in the same bed, and in a room everyone has to go through to go to the bathroom. This is unacceptable, my wife feels the same way, but she has no where else to go. I told my wife I have been praying about it, that I do not want to have to do anything to remedy this through means other than between us. My problem is based on what I can witness, based on what she tells me, she is making no efforts to correct this. Top it off she quit her job. I know God hates divorce, I know he knows that I do not want too, nor do I want to go through legal means to get the kids in a better place. Torture is too kind a word to describe how it hurts having your wife tell you she wants to work things out, and see the evidence of his and her enjoyment of each other sexually after the fact. So what am I getting at...well I know it is his will for us to be together. But as a good parent I know I should do something about the kids. I know this will drive a wedge the size of hades between us. So my dilemma is, should I just do what I know I should for the kids, and divorce as well, since in some way the torture of them will not hurt me entirely in the same manner that it is now. I do not know, dangit...confused am I, I know I can not bear this much longer, I have already broken down at work once due to it, and I know that the Lord comforts and gives me strength daily to cope with it. I also know however until the condition that is causing my pain is gone, my pain will continue, as well as grow. I thought the pain I was suffering before she told me she wanted to work things out was unbearable...this is insane. The bible is right...hope deffered maketh the heart sick..., just wish the last part of it would come ...but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. Guess what it boils down too....wait in hope deffered within an adulterous marriage, or wait in hope deffered within a divorced marriage; knowing that both of us know God's Will is for us to be back together at some point. Anyway parts of me want the divorce, knowing that God's will will allow us to get back together later, where as other parts feel I am only doing this to survive the pain. I need prayers, I need some bibical direction, which I am going to seek after I post this. Just recently rededicated my life to God after 12 years of running from him 8-1-04...hence Reborn8104...anyways God Bless.

Reborn,

I vote for removing the children from that environment. The first responsibility is safety. And while your children appear physically safe, there are spiritual and emotional safety issues.

You say you wife has no where else to go. I disagree. She can go home to her husband!

Is she open to exploring different options? Such as the children living with you? Especially if she needs ot find a new job which is time-consuming and stressful.

What about if you two live together but sleep in different bedrooms for a while?

How about her boyfriend moves out and doesn't stay over?

I take it you are in Plan A?

GreenGables,
Thanks I agree with everything that you wrote. When I said she had nowhere else to go, I was simply restating what she had told me. It was not something that I felt. Her options are simple right now, I help her find a place to go...which gives her more time to be with him, or I move out of the apartment we use to live in, and her and the kids move in, which will take sometime as well, which in turn gives more time with him. I have tried telling her as long as she is with him sexually, she is not going to be able to make any decisions or accept any I offer as good ones. She sees anything that I say concerning the kids as a direct attack on her relationship with him. That I am doing it, to force her to come back, because she refuses to want to be without the kids. I have reservations either way, whether I help her find a place, or I let her come live here and find a place. Simply if she comes here, I should not have to go. She made the choices that has put her and the kids where they are, not me, and I think she should accept, realize, and have to remedy her current situation on her own. Only problem with that is that it is not something I know I should do. I should not turn my back on her. Anyway, here I am rambling again. Basically after I wrote the first post, I enventually broke down and prayed and went to bed and took a nap. I was woke up by a phone call, it was my Pastor. They are meeting this Saturday, thank you Lord for prayer. I am going to wait until after this meeting, to decide anything. I hope the Holy Spirit will give her what she needs in this meeting to be able to step back into this home, to allow God to start restoring what has been broken, to allow the healing process to begin. Thanks again for the input. Your prayers will be appreciated. Thank you Lord again for the power of prayer, your mercy and grace in answering them.

God Bless.

Reborn,
I loe the Holy Ghost. The aspect of the triumverate God is my favorite.

Okay, after the meeting with your Pastor, if your wife doesn't agree to come home or to let the children be with you instead, you NEED to go to a lawyer.

Going to a lawyer for help is NOT turning your back on the situation. It is NOT filing for divorce. And your wife doesn't even need to know you've gone, at least not until you two agree to save your marriage and how you're going to do that.

A lawyer can tell you your legal options and the likely results if you take such actions. Just be clear with your lawyer that divorce is not an option.

Information is empowering. Besides, you need to know your options in case your wife goes off the deep end. You need to be in a place of stregnth in order to help your children.

GreenGables,
I will consider that option if necessary. I am not going to be present at the meeting with the Pastor, will only be Pastor and my wife. Only reason I have even been contemplating going through legality to do something about the kids, is that I feel I have given her plenty of time already to remedy the situation, and she has not on top of quitting her job. When I prayed the other day I asked that I be given an answer of what to do. I believe my answer is they are meeting. So I will have to wait until after that meeting to decide anything. Hopefully she will come to me and sit and talk with me after her meeting. And maybe then we can work something out that will not involve lawyers or DSS, or anything dealing with the legal system. Yes the Holy Spirit wonderful, I thank God for his Spirit. I know his Spirit can change this all around, and I feel this is why the meeting is taking place. I know when I got the phone call God was telling me Trust Him. I am trying, not sure what goal God has in mind with this meeting, but that is not important. It is His Will, and I will trust that. I am hoping this will end everything, and be the beginning of the His Healing process. Thanks for the response and input.

God Bless,
Reborn

Just remember if the meeting doesn't go well, or like you hope, it's not God's fault. After all, he gave us free will. Your wife's got to do her part too.

Let us know how it goes, okay?

Yes, yes indeed the power and freedom of choice. A right a privelege, a gift that we sometimes like to abuse and ignore the consequences thereof. Yes I also know that God is blameless, will always be. But I know this is the Lord's will, and though I do not know exactly all that will be, I feel confident that it is and will be the steps necessary to restore what has been broken. I have spoke with my wife, she did speak with the Pastor, they are going to speak some more tomorrow night. Not sure how many more times they will speak, but until their meetings are over, I am going to continue to wait and pray. When their meetings do end, and we are able to sit together and talk again, I know I will be better able to make the decisions that I may or may not have to take. If there is one thing that I have learned over the past 12 years running from the Lord and doing things my way, is that he is forever patient, and always working for what is in my best interest whether I feel it may be good or bad, I know it will be for the best. And yes 2 months is a long time to hurt, and be in the dark, but I have been practically in the dark and away from my Lord for 32 years, if he can wait that long, I know with his help I can wait a little longer. As soon as I can speak to her after she has had the meetings with the Pastor that they both feel they should need, I will be sure to let you know the outcome. Till then...God Bless !

Reborn