I know that this question will sound general, but how did you know when it was time to end your relationship and not work on it? Anyone?

That is a great question. I ask myself the same quesiton. My wife asked me to move out 6 weeks ago. I love her very much but afraid that she is moving on without me. Everyone tells me you will know in your heart but I do not know.

I don't think you'll ever know for sure. I think that a few years from now, you'll know if you made a good or bad decision, but the "what if" will always be there.

If you're waiting for some type of sign as to whether you should work on your marriage or not, you wont have that.

When you do make your decision, you're going to be confused, and you're going to be scared.

I would say be careful, don't kill your marriage if your Husband is finally ready and willing to step up.

That's what happened to me. When I was ready to step up, it was already too late. But you know your situation better than anyone.

Do what you feel is right, not just what seems easier.

That is a great question. I ask myself the same quesiton. My wife asked me to move out 6 weeks ago. I love her very much but afraid that she is moving on without me. Everyone tells me you will know in your heart but I do not know.

I'm going to fight for my marriage, I just don't know how . I want to be there for my wife, but she has so much hate for me at this time. How do I help her ?

Guess I am an oddball. My wife and I recently separated have been for two months now. She is having an affair with another man. I have also recently dedicated my life to the Lord 8-1-04. I asked the Lord what should I do, asked that he lead me to the scripture I needed to know what to do when this all started.
I opened my bible to Revelations Chapter 22.
Verse 11 stood out like a beacon. "He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still."
This told me I felt let her be, I did, not much I could have done anyway except initiate divorce. Two weeks ago she tells me she wants to work things out and has agreed to meet with her former and my current Pastor to talk. The last two weeks have been torture, since I know she is still sleeping with him. I spoke with her this Thursday, our parting was not to positive. I finally broke down and told the Lord I really do not know what to do, I see nothing from her that even remotely makes me genuinely think she wants to work things out. I asked again for direction on what to do, cause I know I will not be able to bear her wanting to work things out, and her continuing to sleep with him much longer... I went to sleep, I was waked by a phone call, and my Pastor called to tell me that he is meeting my wife in the morning, this morning Saturday. This tells me to wait until after the meeting to make any decisions about anything concerning what is going on in our marriage.

In my mind, deciding to divorce is similar to the decison of getting married. You can never be sure. You must trust your heart and at the same time be logical. If the emotional ties are over and unrecoverable, and logic tells you to leave, then the divorce is just about chopping financial ties.

When I got married 20 years ago, I was unsure about some things, but my wife loved me, and I loved her. Now everything has changed, post her affair. I see her in a new light. In the main, she is only concerned about her. In my case, I realized my wife no longer loves me. It's hard to accept especially when family is involved.

I knew it was over when he raped me.Tears streaming down my face and him telling me to be quiet (because he believed it was a morning "tryst")

That's when it finally hit me that this guy really doesn't care about ME at all.

Thank you all for your insights.
Elan, I am so sorry for what happened and thank you for sharing. the sign that you got, however painful, was a sure sign. I sometimes find myself wishing he would hit me in the heat of one of our many arguements, just so I can have a valid sign. Or wish that he would have an affair, so that I know he would be loved even when I am gone.
You see, my problem is that I still love my husband but am not happy being married to him. I feel that I have changed and he has stayed the same.
At the present time we are working on the marriage but I feel it is just an attempt to fix something that is broken beyond repair.
I don't know..

To answer your first question, I like what shocktreatment said--it's a little like getting married because you don't "KNOW." There isn't some billboard that says, "Do this!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> However, when you get married, you make a decision using your best judgement at the time and then "purpose in your heart" to be a married person and act married.

Deciding to divorce is a little similar. There usually is not just one straw that breaks the camel's back moment..it's a whole load of straws. You wait until you are ready to do it--sometimes that's emotionally ready, financially, whatever. Sometimes you have to try everything before you accept that it's time to divorce. But you make a decision using your best judgement at the time and then "purpose in your heart" to be divorced.

I know it does sound all mystic, but I do think a person "knows" when it's time to divorce. A part of you may not want to, and may still love the person, but there comes a time when it's divorce or die and you choose divorce.

**********

Now, I have a question for you. You say that you are not happy being married to your hubby--that you have changed and he has stayed the same. You also say that you and your hubby are "working on your marriage." How are you doing that? Are you counseling with the Harleys? Reading books? Doing the Questionnaires? What effort are YOU putting in to changing yourself? Does it appear as if hubby is also putting in effort? In other words is he willing to work a little to make you happy? Are you willing ot work a little to make him happy? What PLAN do you have to "work on your marriage"?


CJ