my husband and i have been married one year today and he filed for a divorce a month ago, i don't want it what can i do?

almond,

Nothing you could do to stop Dv. However have you read MB basic concept ?. Check General Welcome and its link, learn as much as you can about plan A/B, ENs, LB'ed. Then come back here w/ more questions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Which states do you live in ? is it no fault states ? ho long do you have before Dv could be finalized ?. in CA, 6 months min. ... in NV, one week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

-rh-

i live in michigan it could be final next month, i tried once again to talk to him but he doesn't want to hear anything i have to say. i know about that thread that's how i found this place. but it's very hard for me to act like i'm ok when i'm not. i hate this.

i really thought that since he is letting me stay in the house that he would wake up and come to his sinces but he hasn't and now that it's down to the wire i'm in a panic. i always make the wrong choices i'm only 31 but have been married 3x how do you break the cycle of picking the wrong man?

Hi Almond,

Married 3X and having trouble with always picking the wrong man?

My daughters and I like to ballroom dance. Some of the instructors have everyone switch dance partners often during the lesson. When there's a mistake made sometimes it's hard to tell which partner is messing up (assuming it's just one and not both). But if you dance with several partners and THINK each one of them is making the exact same mistake it's probably not them.

In your case, you suspect you have a problem with getting involved with the wrong men. I guess a ballroom dance analogy to this would be if you only WANTED to dance with men who were a LOT shorter or taller than you, and then found it difficult to dance smoothly with them because of that difference? Or if you were only attracted to very shy guys that preferred to be pursued instead of approaching you, but then discovered that they failed to provide a strong enough lead when dancing.

If your relationship problems are mostly caused by some unresolved problem that you haven't dealt with, that you carry with you into each new relationship, then individual counseling could help.

If your relationship problems are mostly caused by being attracted to the wrong type of partner, then carefully analyzing what traits attract you and why could help. Maybe you are turning down the right type for some reason?

In either case (and it could be some of each) spending more time alone before starting a new relationship should help. Maybe you're getting involved again too soon after each break-up? And you could also try reading books about relationship, communication, etc. to improve your relationship skills in general. Have you read the info provided at this site about love-busters, the policy of joint agreement, keeping each others' love-bank filled, etc.? The book Men are Clams - Women Are Crowbars helped me better understand communication problems in my marriage (too late though). Also, whatever specific problems have come up in the failed relationships, there are most likely books addressing those things (alcoholism, abuse, adultery, whatever).

There are also some very good books written for women who are not currently in a relationship:
Sassy, Single & Satisfied and When Women Walk Alone are two I am reading that have helped me a lot.