Hello. I'm new to this forum and Dr. Harley's website and books. I just finished His Needs, Her Needs last night at the recommendation of a friend. It was very eye-opening and I hope that I will be able to get my dh to read it too. My situation, well...I've been married for 13 yrs and have spent the whole time walking on egg shells around my dh. He was warm and really open and fun when we dated, then the minute we were married he changed. I can still remember the first time he verbally abused me (I know now that's what it is), I was floored that he could talk to me that way and thought no way would it continue. Well, as with most of you experiencing this situation you probably know that yes, it did continue. Every time I would try to talk with him about the instances he would talk in circles until I was so frustrated and no longer able to put my thoughts into words. Then I would back down and just hope that I could make everything perfect so that he wouldn't do it again. Nothing was usually done okay and the criticism, name-calling, sarcasm and hateful words continued. Well, this Mother's day was for some reason the last straw...he laid into our 7yos for cooking me eggs...he criticized him for turning the burner up too high and when I said to stop it, he continued telling me that he wasn't thru yet. I ran into the bedroom crying, he came in looked at me with a mean look, grabbed his shoes and left...he didn't return until later that evening (he had gone to the office to work all day). I was so hurt and angry that I didn't confront him that night but sat with him the next night and said that enough is enough and I wanted to see us get some help...well, he refused to talk with anyone from our church, any of our friends, no one at all. He finally went to lunch with a friend of ours, the one who recommended Dr. Harley's book to me, but apparantly just told him that he has an anger problem. I talked privately with this friend the next week and explained what has been happening all these years in our marriage and he was floored to learn it because he didn't get any of that from my dh. Anyway, I feel so hopeless...I'd to separate for a while to just get a break and give each of time to work on things, but I don't know how to go about that...we don't have the money for him to get another place and we don't have family near by for him to stay with...how have some of you made a separation possible under those circumstances? I do have God in my life and although I have tried to give this totally over to him, I just don't feel anything for my dh anymore and just feel depressed...<p>Thank you for listening.
Blessings,
Amy
